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I held full responsibility for my adult disabled brother for 47 years. He could not advocate for himself, though that was not clear in the early years. He had physical clumsiness as well as low IQ, and 70% of similar adults live at home. I put him in a rural community, as I found people watch out for each other there and he liked to walk outdoors. I advocated for slow services, found most of the places where he lived, vetted them all, kept service providers in communication w each other, added support resources to motivate (adult ed, kayak lessons) hired and supervised helpers. My own work in healthcare helped me - but family now say it was just "my choice" - so when my work saved money and his trust was able to grow, and I asked for an initial slice, before the rest was divided equally as mother asked (she died 5 years after giving that bro to me to be responsible) no contracts - I just can't believe they did not agree to give me the first slice and divide the rest equally. It was a Special Needs Trust for his care -but now he died, they want to take their equal shares, tho I'm the only one who stayed involved. I'm trying to write an appeal to them, not sure if a lawyer can help - I dont ask a salary, just a return of the generosity I gave, in the form of a bonus for me. Our society need many more family advocates/mediators to help with family planning. We had none, Mum just discussed with her oldest sons - who think family just help family. I did that, was generous, would not have asked for anything, except now I see the profit that MY work made for them. I feel abandoned by my family, they all knew I was overseeing and staying loyal, visiting 4+ times a year, engaged with all who gave him home support and his work programs, for intellectually disabled. I felt so proud of my work and my loyalty through his life of changes in ability right up to helping him adjust to new nursing home when a prior one closed after COVID. I supported all his healthy activities. I'm overwhelmed trying to plan a presentation for them.

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My nephew has a Special Needs Trust and Medicaid has first dibs. Because of the Trust, my disabled nephew was allowed Medicaid Healthcare. I as Trustee I am limited with how I spend it. Every year at Medicaid Renewal time, I have to send a years worth of Statements with the forms. When he passes, Medicaid is allowed to recover what they spent for his care. If any money is left, that goes to the beneficiaries.

You really need to see how the Trust reads before there is any splitting. There should be a beneficary or beneficiaries. My brother (because he raised my nephew) is the 2nd beneficiary.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Specifically, what does the Trust language say about the dissolution and distribution of the Trust after your brother's death? If it says that the amount needs to be equally divided, then that's what legally needs to be done. You wouldn't get the "first slice," you'd be asking each of your siblings to give you a gift of part of their share. Maybe some would while others wouldn't. But there are laws that need to be followed precisely. Who is the trustee?

https://www.mcbloomlaw.com/what-happens-to-assets-left-in-a-special-needs-trust-on-the-death-of-the-beneficiary/
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Reply to MG8522
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I’m sorry for your pain in this. Your brother was blessed to have you in his corner. Things with siblings and money are unfortunately, seldom fair or equal. That’s more often a hopeful concept instead of a reality. I hope you’ll find a solution that brings you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Unfortunately, it can be very distressing to find out how unsympathetic siblings can be. I agree with Bulldog, that meeting with an attorney to find out if you have any means to do this would be worthwhile, if only to be assured that you did what you could for yourself. Even if you don't succeed, I hope you will take pride and comfort in all that you did for your brother. I am impressed and recognize that he was very blessed to have you.
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Reply to MG8522
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You should consult with a lawyer. Even if it’s $250 that will be worth your piece of mind for some professional guidance.
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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