Hello Everyone, I was my mothers primary caregiver for 4 years. I lived with her, cooked, cleaned, resuscitated her, slept on the floor in her bedroom and loved her. My mother was in her late 80's during this time and was 88 years old when I told my brother I needed a couple of weeks to take a break. I have an older sister who lives 5 minutes away but suffers from Bi-Polar disorder and cannot help. My older brother was asked by my father to take care of my mother 20 years ago before he passed away. My brother honored his wishes by moving to Oregon and not helping me at all. In March of 2021 my brother drove a trailer down to take my mother to Oregon for a 3 week vacation. After 3 days he called to tell me he was keeping my mother. All her belongings and clothes remained in her home, she never said good-bye to any of her friends and she never said good-bye to me. Since then my brother has been very controlling and combative. He accused me of changing her will, this is untrue of course. The will was never changed. Needless to say he's been a vindictive, greedy, immature person. He has disconnected all communication from me. I can't call, email or text him. I can't call, text or email my mother either. He takes control on her cell phone. She recently told me she might have Cancer, as my brother is her Caretaker I thought it was his duty to communicate with me regarding her health. I had to go through a cousin to find out what her situation was. My brother told me my mother was broke and had to sell her house. When I took care of my mother she had virtually no expenses. Her house is paid for, she collects Social Security and she has investments to keep her comfortable until she passes away. I was privy to all her finances until he took her in March and there were no indications that she was in financial distress. My brother took my mother without her knowledge across state lines to Oregon. My 88 year old mother with dementia was moved without any prior knowledge to another state away from me and my sister. He isolates her but not allowing her to speak to my and other family members and he was coercing her into selling the house by misleading her that she was in financial straits. I called Social Services in Oregon and they said they can do nothing I would have to call the police. I don't want to upset my mother by calling the Police, I just want my brother to allow me to speak to my mother when I want and as her caretaker inform me of her health status. It's a terrible situation. I miss my mother and really can't stand my Ahole brother. Any advice would be welcome.
Best regards,
Chris
Interesting that you mentioned she was taken across state lines. That might be kidnapping, if she didn't want to go but was taken anyway.
When did your mother execute any financial or health care POA documents? Was it before your brother took her? Who held that authority while she was staying with you?
In your profile, you ask what you can do. If you haven't documented all this, do it, and continue doing it. Contact him by e-mail, text, or snail mail, even if he doesn't respond.
Your profile states:
" I believe my brother committed Elder Abduction, Isolation and Financial Coercion. "
You'll have to have documentation to encourage anyone to investigate this as a crime. What do you have in writing, by text or e-mail that can support this belief?
Now cutting off Mom off from u is a no no in my opinion. She has a right to use her phone without him interfering. You have a right to talk to her. The only scenario that may change this is if ur brother says that you agitate Mom is some way that causes her problems.
Adult Protection can do a Well Call. If u think brother is spending Moms money on himself, thats fraud. If Moms Dementia is in the early stages, she can be asked if she wants to stay with him or go home. Mom will now be on APS radar.
And to answer your question, a POA does not only not HAVE TO provide information to other family members, but should not in fact share information about the person who conferred POA on them. They are bound by privacy laws.