Hello Everyone ,
Right now I’m paying cash for three part- time caregivers for my 92 year old mother w vascular dementia plus many other health issues. I pay $17 per hour ( cash) in Connecticut.
Now mom needs help at night . The total for 7 hours during day and 8 hours at night is around $4,200 a month .
I'm wondering if I should try and find a live-in ? There is only one bathroom in her house though .
The person would get their own room and a salary . Mom sleeps during the day quite a bit and watches TV for many hours each day .
She brings in $100 to much from SS and her pension to qualify for state help . I am draining her savings account and soon I’ll have to get a line of credit.
I’m so confused and overwhelmed.
Once she really gets bad it will go from $4,200 to $6,000 a month . Is it cheaper to have a live-in 24-7 or maybe someone Monday -Friday ? I know I'd feel better with 24-7 care.
I’m in California by the way and I come home for a month at a time 6 x a year .
Where do I find a live-in . Some places don’t give you an option for live-in help.
Anybody here from Hartford area in Connecticut that has information?
Thanks for listening .
If so, I get it. It's loving, respectful & kind.
What are your plans after 'it is possible' runs out? Are you there now/soon?
Room and board for a live in caregiver cannot be considered even partial payment. Caregiver would be on duty 24 hours? Expected to respond to mom through the night?
Now Reverse Mortgages are different, she probably can get one of those. But imho RM are beyond buyer beware. They maybe do 45% on appraised value and your mom as owner still is totally responsible for taxes, insurance, maintenance etc for her lifetime. That house would need to be pretty high $$$$ value to have enough $ to pay for 5 years of inhome 24/7 care PLUS all the property & her day to day living costs. Even if she has a nice monthly income to add to RM $. It’s not unusual for the owner to draw all the $ possible from the RM if they live long enough. What then? Realize the property becomes owned by the RM if she moves to a NH or she dies. Unless family wants to buy it from the RM at 90% of value after her death.
24/7 oversight at home will be very very expensive and should some sort of emergency happen - like a fall - mom will still have to go to the ER. If she hasn’t yet had a fall, it’s going to happen. The $4200, well I’d say it will be closer to $18k a mo to have live-in care plus hire aids so the live-in has their own time off.
The fact that right you / she is paying cash for care has all kinds of tax issues and will face scrutiny should she ever need to apply for LTC Medicaid. IRS considers household workers to be employees & mom is fully responsible for reporting wages and doing FICA and whatever the State of CT has for taxes as well. I’m guessing there is no written & notarized work agreement, no IDs or driver’s license notated by you with any of the workers? Should she run out if $ and needs Medicaid, you as her DPOA will have to show documentation as to all the cash paid to the workers for up to 5 years along with details on the workers so Medicaid can investigate to get beyond a gifting transfer penalty by Medicaid. Moms caregivers - past & present - may not necessarily want to be at all cooperative in all this as it’s been unreported income for them. I’ve gotta ask, where are you finding these caregivers?
Are you at all exploring having mom move into a facility?
Sell house & use $ to get her into private pay facility with amenities?
if not, why not?
Have you explored eligibility via a Miller Trust or spend down with an eldercare attorney in Connecticut?
Its time to consider a nice AL for Mom. The money you have been putting towards round the clock caregivers could have been used for an AL. Lots less stress on your part. There comes a time its not what they want but what they need.
I guess I am a little selfish. It may come from being the Oldest of 4 and a girl. My parents always relied on me. I was there for every hospital visit, every rehab visit. When Mom stopped driving, I took her where she needed to go. No, I did not mind. But it was done when I had the time. My family has known for years, no calls to work unless its an emergency. So when I took Mom into my home it was not thought to be a permanent thing. I found I was not a caregiver. I get overwhelmed and need to be able to step back. So, I placed her in an AL. She transitioned well from her home to mine, from mine to an AL, from AL to a LTC facility.
My parents never said to me "your going to take care of us" or "I want to stay in my home" or did I promise to care for them or help to keep them in their home. I know Mom would have loved to have stayed in her home but thats not how things turned out. I made sure she was cared for by people who know how.
Stop paying her bills. Give her the respect of her paying her own way, if possible. Like protecting your physical and mental and emotional health, you must also protect your financial health.
Like others, I recommend you look into Medicaid and possibly assisted-living for your mother. I understand about you wanting to keep your mom in her home. A social worker or elder care worker in your city/county may give you advice for help in keeping your mother in her home.