Do my siblings need to share the trust and other legal docs with me and include me in dads care information?
I was alone in caring for dad for 2 years. Not only did i not have assistance from my two brothers (one lives 30 miles from dad), but i quit my job two summers in a row, gave up med. insurance to help out my ailing father whose house and health is deterioarting quickly. I set up a trust, POA, pour over will, funded the trust, cared for daddy all the while leaving my husband a thousand miles away from MI to NC to tend to our home and family. Meanwhile my brothers did not call my dad, visit and one of them threatened to kill me. He also turned all dad's neighbors and friends against me in an effort to turn dad against me. They all called the police bogusly on me several times which put me under investigation w the state of MI for 3 mos. I reacted poorly at times, I wasn't a saint, but most of teh time kept my cool thx only to teh Lord. Then, the nieghbors, my borthers staged only what I would call a coups. I had to leave immediatly, they "rused to the rescue" and I have not been privy to any of the new legal docs. I removed the guns from the home per docs instructions (dad has alzheimers) and they are angry over 2 items, not of precious value, that dad gave me.
Suggestions?
I really wish families knew how to "come together" to make plans for their parents while the parents are still alert and healthy. It almost always comes down to the entire burden, both physical care and financial responsibility, to one sibling while the rest "quarterback from their recliners". I know, Mom lived with me the last ten years of her life and for fifteen years before that, I checked on her twice daily to give her medications, took her to all her doctors appts, grocery store, etc. She wanted to remain independent, so for 15 years, this worked, but for the last ten, she needed round the clock care. In all the 25 years this went on, my brother bought her ONE MEAL and usually kept her yard mowed in the summers (that stopped when she moved in with me so my son started doing it). ONE MEAL! But guess who's hand was the first one out when the will was read? Yeah, his.
Wish you had called the police (or had time to) when the neighbors and brothers staged the coup. Since you had POA, this hostile takeover was illegal so have you talked to the police there to see what exactly happened? As in, was this a "legal" action (I doubt it). Did you see "papers" from the brothers and neighbors? What caused the neighbors to believe your brothers? Were the police involved? Or if not, did you file a report when this happened? I assume the brothers were allowed to see their father whenever they visited unless you had proof they were harming your father, but if your father did not leave with them willingly, this is kidnapping. Or did you flee the house and leave your father in fear of what the brothers would do to you? If you feared for your life, did you file restraining orders? How have you tried to get your father back? Are the brothers keeping you from seeing your father? Call the police and tell them you want to see your father because you're worried about his welfare. Explain what happened and that under the circumstances, you would like the police to take you to where your father is so there's no more drama. If you don't know where your father is, you need to file a missing person report along with the fact you believe his life is in danger because of the circumstances of the coup. How long ago did this happen? If you were investigated for three months by Michigan, what was the outcome? If the outcome was in your favor, then you have that to fall back on in court. If the investigation wasn't finished, why? Did they drop it when the brothers took your father? If so, why? Did they follow up to be sure your father was being properly cared for while now in the brothers' care? If not, demand they start an investigation. Since your conscience is clear, this should only be a problem for your brothers!
Since you have POA, and established the roll over will, trusts, etc. I assume you had both medical and durable. This means your brothers had to fraudulently obtain POA or went to court to have them changed over. You should have been notified of this through the courts so you had a chance to both defend yourself and your father and to provide proof of how you were caring for your father. Since, I assume this didn't happen, I doubt if your brothers have the "papers" they claim, which is why they won't show them to you, they CAN'T because they DON'T have them. As your father's legal DPOA, you can demand the brothers show you their "papers" and to allow you to see your father. If they refuse, file a police report immediately! Your brothers had no legal right to do this, and they can't legally keep you from your father. On another line of thought, exactly who is taking care of his finances now? If your brothers have signed one check or withdrawn one penny from his account, they've broken the law as your father no longer has the right to give them access to his funds. Only YOU can do that. Keep in mind, again, that if your brothers are doing this, they think they have the right to, so demand to see the "papers" one last time. Have you changed your fathers account information so the brothers can't access it? If you have POA and fear the brothers are "blowing through your fathers cash", change the account numbers. If the brothers have already done that, go to the new banking institution with the DPOA and demand to see who is in charge of the accounts. The bank will have to freeze the accounts until their legal department investigates. If you don't know for sure where the account now is, go to your bank where you kept your father's finances and ask them who changed the account (again, have the DPOA in hand). Go to the courthouse and be sure the Deed for your father's home hasn't been transferred to one of the brothers, if it has, show the Registrar your DPOA and ask to see who was responsible for the transfer or sale of the property. Call your father's insurance companies, medical, home owners, life, car, etc. and fax them a copy of the DPOA and ask who changed the address for billing, etc. Same with other household bills for the home. Which pharmacy did you get his medications from? Contact them directly with DPOA in hand, and ask which pharmacy his prescriptions were transferred to then contact that pharmacy to be sure the brothers are filling the necessary prescriptions. Contact your father's doctors, with both medical and DPOA in hand, and be sure your father is still receiving the necessary care. If the brothers have changed doctors, have the doctors you were taking your father to tell you which doctors they transferred your father's medical files to. You get the picture. Should any of these refuse, ask why. Since you have both the medical and durable, they have no grounds to refuse. If they say they have a "current or more recent POA on file, remind them your brothers did not do it legally because your DPOA and medical are still on file with the court. And of course, you have already verified this by contacting the lawyer who drew the DPOA and medical up to be sure it was properly filed, then have gone to the courthouse to verify it is on file and no "amendments" or "quits" or "voids" have been filed against it.
YOU stepped up and took care your father for two years while your brothers did nothing, then only intervened, apparently illegally, when it was in THEIR best interest. It is most definitely time to invest in an Elder Care attorney. You need to protect yourself, your father and your family.
May God Bless You and Your Family... and keep us updated as to how this all turns out. In the meantime, try to get some much needed and deserved rest, you've earned it. And you will need it when you get your father back in your care!
Unfortunately this happens a lot in families with aging care needed elders..It may be a long legal battle.