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I have read where you do not reason, argue or correct your LO with dementia. It does seem to make things smoother when you just agree with them! My husband (of 50 years, newly diagnosed with dementia) calls me Mom and says he is my son on his confused days. I have also noticed that when I'm gone more than two or three hours out to lunch or on my volunteer job. He seems to get worse even though my 42 year old daughter is with him to answer any questions. This dementia is awful!

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judyellis808: There may come a time when your LO requires residence in a memory care facility.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Glad you are agreeing / focused on keeping your husband calm vs using / trying to use logic, which doesn't work.

I am sure some - if not hundreds of readers here will find similar situations.
I believe your question is the 'why' - which may be unanswerable.

I believe the 'more confused' will / can change hour by hour, day by day.
It depends on the brain chemistry, degrees / levels of confusion, how advanced the dementia is. It seems like mercury - you just can't 'grab' it and know. This disease is more 'fluid' in that it can / does change.

Shocking to me, my client with severe dementia (spoke gibberish only) answered me one day when I said "I'm going to my car to get xxx". She said 'okay.' In my two years working w/her I believe she responded like this twice. Why? I do not think science / medical research knows.

I would ask you why you ask the question, and if you leave for 3-4 hours, how do you know they are more confused? (if you aren't there).

Are you feeling more sad figuring that is / gets more confused and asking for support for how you feel? (which may be implied in your question).

I believe there can be some momentary 'attachment' to a pleasant experience, i.e., your husband knows you are there (whoever he thinks you are) and feels 'good' / safe, etc. When you leave, those feellings of safety leave, too.

The question is, how long does a person 'remember' or feel that shift?
He could hallucinate and think that you were gone for days vs hours ... (time is generally moment-to-moment) or he could possibly think you left when you didn't (thinking you are someone else sitting there).

It could be the time of day when his energy shifts / lowers.

I encourage you to get the 36 Hour Day book. It is a good reference book.
And/or go on line and see what Teepa Snow has to offer (webinars, books, free clips, You Tubes). She helps people/family learn how to communicate with their loved ones inflicted with dementia. And, she explains how different parts of the brain work and how different parts of the brain function as it changes.

Gena / Touch Matters
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Reply to TouchMatters
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It truly is awful. I noticed the same thing with my husband once he started to go down hill quickly. I couldn't leave him with anyone without having issues. Within 4 months of that, he digressed to the point that I had no choice but Memory Care. Once he was in MC, he digressed even more quickly and died 5 months later. That last year of dementia is like a really bad Rollercoaster ride that leaves you with grief and PTSD. I'm praying for you, Judy.
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Reply to WearyJean
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Yes, Dementia causes so much sadness for us as caretakers. My mom has mistakenly thought I was her sister and even her mother. I know one day my mom won't know who I am ever. I ask her if she knows who I am. I visit everyday, but she thinks I don't visit her at all. It's just sad to think we might be there too some day.
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Reply to Onlychild2024
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Some people have had a bit of success with a pinboard with your photo, a photo of where you are going, a picture of the clock with the hands showing the time you will be home, a photo of dinner – you get the drift! The carer can talk about the board, to make the story of where you are and when you will be back, a bit easier to believe.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Sounds like perhaps your husband has capgrass syndrome along with his dementia, thus why he doesn't recognize you after you've been out and about for a while. Please do some research on that. It's more common than you know. I have 3 ladies in my support group whose husbands either had it or have it(2 have died and one is still alive).
And you are correct..."dementia is awful!!"
I wish you the very best as you travel this very difficult road with your husband.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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From my experience, I would even go a little further. I would say when you've met one person with dementia one day, you've met one person with dementia on one day. My MIL was my first experience with dementia - she could be radically different from day to day.

Any changes do seem to cause confusion, even when they are just for a few hours.
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Reply to OncehatedDIL
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Dementia is awful. There’s an old saying, true for a reason- when you’ve met one person with dementia, you’ve met one person with dementia. In other words, dementia manifests itself in endless ways. What’s happening in your husband's experience is both common and unique to him. Everyone is different. I’m glad you’re educating yourself on how to best handle the behaviors. And most importantly, continue to get out and practice self care, maintaining your own life, health, and interests are all vital. I wish you both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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