In 2013 my dad got into financial trouble so I took over his finances. Eventually I got everything straightened out. After his wife died in 2014 he started coming from TN to Chicago for several months each year to visit me. I wanted him to be comfortable living with me if he could not live alone. As I spent more time with him I realized that he was sharp about some things but incapable about many other things. Fast forward to 2016. My deadbeat brother decides that dad has one last asset (his house) and my brother is going to get it before I do. While dad is visiting me in the fall of 2016 my brother moves from Nashville 114 miles to my dad's little town into my dad's house. I visited my dad in May of 2017 & saw firsthand one of my brother's insane temper tantrums directed toward my dad. After I left brother destroyed the bedroom door in his rage. Back home in August of 2017 I get a phone call from the bank. Dad is there with brother & they want to close the joint checking account I have with dad. I said go ahead. At that time dad's bills were all paid, he had $2000 in his checking account, and he had just bought a new, used car. (the old car was just a nightmare of expensive repairs). The first thing brother did was to take the $2000 from dad's checking account & build a fence on dad's property so brother's dogs could be in a fenced yard. The second thing brother did was make some repairs to dad's house (with dad's money, of course, another $2000). Dad had a stroke at the end of January. While he was hospitalized the bank called me to tell me that my dad was overdrawn on his checking account, he had written a check to brother for $500, and his medical insurance premiums were bouncing. Then one of dad's neighbors called me to tell me about verbal abuse she had witnessed. I called APS to report the abuse & misuse of funds but they closed the case. While dad was in rehab recovering from the stroke brother had dad sign POA to him (I had had it since 2013). Dad was in hospital & rehab from end of January to end of May. While he was in rehab my brother listed dad's house for sale. Brother moved 114 miles back to Nashville. Dad tells me brother is not paying mortgage on dad's house. Dad is released from rehab May 25. Brother takes him home. While brother is wheeling dad into house in wheelchair dad catches his foot on the wall & breaks his tibia. Dad is now back in hospital looking at 8 weeks no weight on left leg and having to learn how to walk all over again. My mom is pushing me to go to TN & get dad & bring him to Chicago. I feel like my dad is a prisoner to my brother. Dad doesn't know anyone in Nashville like he did in his little town, dad's mobility is very restricted, dad tells me brother never takes him anywhere or does anything with him. I am worried about dad. Does anyone have any advice for me?
Do whatever you can to save your dad from your brother. Go get him now. He's probably scared to death and will do whatever your lousy brother tells him to do.
Brother will be in severe trouble for trying to sell the house. Let him go to jail. Don't you dare bail him out.
But I will call APS tomorrow and file another complaint.
An attorney would be a good idea too. He will have problems qualifying for Medicaid if brother has taken additional monies from him, like if he had any savings or anything. They will probably consider it a gift and penalize him for that amount unless criminal charges are filed against your brother and it is proven that it was stolen. Ditto for the proceeds of sale of the house.
I'm sorry you are going through this. My sister did the same to my mom and I too am currently in the process of getting this mess straightened out.
You're familiar with "as ye sow, so shall ye reap"?
I don't mean that you are wrong to be worried about your father's welfare. You should report your concerns to APS. You could also have a conversation with the social work team at the hospital where your father currently is. A broken tibia owing to the careless handling of a wheelchair... Well. It is the kind of accident that can happen to anyone. But on the other hand, who doesn't look where they're going when they're pushing a frail old man? - someone who's in too much of a bloody hurry and short of patience, that's who. That doesn't make your brother a wicked brute, but it does mean he's not the ideal caregiver, eh.
But back to the reaping. Why is your father not now comfortably ensconced in a secure home under the supervision of his loving daughter? Because he has consistently, over a period of many years, allowed you to solve his problems but sabotaged your efforts to make the solutions permanent.
You tried. You did everything right. He made his own choices. I can't for the life of me see why you should lift another finger, and your mother has a cheek, frankly, to be putting you under pressure to do so.
Why did the bank call *you* in January 2018? By this time your brother had POA, you had been removed from the checking account... so why, and on whose authority, did they call you? Do you still have any kind of formal, legal status in your father's financial affairs? You're not his guarantor or anything ghastly like that, are you?
Elders often tell their adult children sad, sad stories about how the caregiving child is treating them.
If you can get in touch with SW as dad's hospital, they would be a reliable set of eyes and ears on the situation.
Have you asked your father if he'd like to change his living circumstances?