Mom is usually happy in her Memory Care Home. It is great and her room is fantastic. Been there 6 weeks. For days in a row she will be happy and then she wakes up mad and thinking people are stealing from her and coming in to her room. She gets loud and screams "help". It may last 2 days. Is this a normal part of the progression? She actually seems to have more memory when she is in one of these "moods". No UTI. They handle her well but I know they tried to call me today at 7 am but I had my phone on Do Not Disturb (and I am glad). Anyone else experience this?
dont feel bad about putting your phone on Do Not Disturb at times. I had to do that before hospice was in place so I could have my evenings with my husband. I knew if it was an actual emergency they would leave a voicemail. Usually it was nothing urgent. My skin kept getting thicker as time went by
In her mind it was very true & she was very upset!
Another time she would tell you about the deer in her yard
which was quite possible. ( she lived in the country) but she then would tell you she was outside patting one of the deer!
There are so many different stages of dementia that is so unique to each individual— not one person is the same! Some can be so angry ,some cry all the time, some just happy living in their own world! It is a very sad disease to have !
It does baffle me though how she can be so out of it she can’t remember a phone call or appointment on her calendar yet can spin an entire rant on how it was our fault, she was totally innocent if all blame. The narcissist personality remains stronger than the dementia in that one lol.
Thank you
Caregiving for both my parents was very hard but I will always have the wonderful moments with them forever in my heart.
dad passed away, and mom passed three weeks later.
I miss them so much.
It is a sad circumstance to witness but, thank you so much for sharing your story. It's really somewhat in it's own way amusing how one's brain changes in this very complex way.
You've made me laugh today. I needed that. I will, like you try to find the amusement in the day to day trials of care taking.
I understand that you miss your parents so I will try to make the most of my time with mom that I have left with her.
When I say treats it doesn't have to be much a few timbits, mug of 1/2 decaf & 1/2 hot chocolate, a plant with showy flowers but what ever it is it should be noticeable & YOU place them in her hand with 'I brought you something' said not just implied - it helps her feel loved & then being loved is being protected too - mom often liked it if I shared something with her so be aware that it adds to their enjoyment to share something [especially a food treat] with a loved one - I would also bring cute paper napkins to tart it all up .... hopes this helps
Your mother's mood swings are par for the course with dementia, BIG time. On certain days, my mother acts perfectly lucid; can carry on a conversation (from muscle memory, I'm sure) and have everyone thinking What is SHE Doing Here? On other days, she's out of it. She has no idea what day or time it is, and can't remember the simplest of details. Yet, she can remember a small incident of someone doing her 'wrong' from 50 years ago. The tiniest slight, in her mind, is memorized to the detail, and can be repeated and repeated and repeated. Just yesterday, she told me she feels so badly that I'M paying 'so much money' for her to live in Memory Care. She's known, up until yesterday, that SHE is paying for her own LTC and has been for the past 5 years. So, every day is brand new, and the disease shows up in new and ugly ways. Sometimes it's quiet and other times it's loud & foul. Mother's next door neighbor was confused the other day & knocking on her door by mistake. Well, my mother was going BALLISTIC and screaming at the top of her lungs GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU CRAZY MORON. Instead of simply letting the poor woman know she lived 'there' and not 'here', mother had to make a huge scene & get the staff involved. She wound up not sleeping at all that night as a result of the drama she created during the day.
Another thing........my mother has what the experts call 'verbal agitation'; where she does the yelling & screaming, arguing vehemently about anything that is said to her, things like that. There are different ways dementia can be exhibited and 'agitation' is one way, and 'aggression' is another. She also cannot sit still in her wheelchair, and is in constant motion with it. Here is a definition:
Agitation is a general term to describe excessive physical movement and verbal activity. Agitation often develops in the middle stages of Alzheimer's disease and other types of dementia and can include restlessness, pacing, verbal aggression, combativeness, calling out and crying, and wandering.
If you Google agitation & aggression with dementia, lots of articles come up that are very enlightening. So again, even though my mother remains lucid a lot of the time, she is still exhibiting OTHER signs of dementia which might not be immediately recognized as such. It's a very tricky disease.
I seriously doubt if your mom is having things stolen from her at the Memory Care. It's always a possibility, but remember that these accusations are RAMPANT from the residents in such places. My mother used to insist she'd had things stolen from her when she was in the Assisted Living section of her place, but it was never true, not even once. Furthermore, they're not allowed to have anything of real value in their rooms ie: gold jewelry, etc., so what's to steal??? If someone is coming into her room, likely it's the staff who check on the residents once an hour, at least in my mom's Memory Care. Your mom is new there, so she likely doesn't recognize all the caregivers yet, so she's seeing strangers at her bedside. That's my 2 cents worth on the subject.
Anyway, sorry this went on so long! I just wanted to let you know about some of the odd ways dementia can present itself.......it's quite confusing really, isn't it? In any event, I wish you good luck & Godspeed with your mom, and I hope that she settles in well and remains calm for the most part.
My advise about the money since I went through that many years ago.
Distract and say.... no , no, you are ok and tell her she is safe and who you are.
Don’t try to explain, just tell her you are ok. It worked for me.
If you have any other questions feel free to reach out.
Its a very hard thing to deal with.
I have my Dad with me at home. I pray for peace for you.
Grandpa suffered from dementia and Grandma lovingly cared for him at home until the point he became violent towards her. He lasted only a couple of weeks in a NH. The violence (SO out of character for him!) was the turning point.