My mom is 74 years old and lives alone in a senior apartment building with her cat. She has been addicted to opiods for at least 30 or so years and I think she still is. She is extremely skinny, missing most of her teeth and lives in filth most of the time. She sleeps all day and stays up all night. Every time I go over there her garbage is piled up and the litter box is full. She doesn't bathe and has never changed her bed sheets. I have tried to get her to go get help and have reached out many times. I hate to see her live this way. I have a older sister and my older brother passedcsway last year and she didn't go to the funeral which I have a hard time getting over. My husband encourages me to stop dealing with her because she is selfish and doesn't want to change. Anyways thanks for listening.
I take Tylenol #3 for my chronic pain and I can tell you my PCP sees me every 3 months and checks my blood work and watches me closely. I have to do PT and I cannot ask for a refill even one DAY early. I don't think your mom is going to CVS for what she's taking.
Bad teeth is a side effect of meth--which is a whole different story. I have doubts she addicted to Norco, or codiene--this sounds like street drugs.
You probably can't save her. I'd call APS on her for the unclean environment, but the drugs? She has to want to get off them.
And yeah, the more I think, the more I think she's doing the heavier stuff if she is as bad as you say.
She's not getting these 'pills' from a legitimate source. All pharmacies are linked so you cannot 'shop around'.
At least consider: She's allowed to not clean her sheets. Plenty of guys do this and people just write it off as gross dude behavior. I doubt the cat minds. The only mention of harm to the cat is the full litter box.
All of that said, of course this is a source of unending anxiety for you. I'm so sorry. I just don't think that stripping your mom of her civil liberties is going to help. I think your husband is right that you would do well to regard this situation as one not within your realm of control. Maybe make occasional visits and otherwise give yourself a break?
I understand how hard this is for you. My oldest brother, deceased since 2013 was an opioid addict. Their addiction wrecks havoc in their lives and those who are around them.
I reached out to my brother numerous times trying to help him, until I went to Al Anon and Nar Anon. I found the strength to finally be able to walk away.
We are powerless in these situations. If they don’t allow others to help and want to receive help, then sadly your efforts will be in vain.
Step back and do whatever you feel is necessary for you to attain peace. I have been there and know that no matter what you choose it’s going to be hard.
My brother became homeless for awhile. He was a great guy when he was clean, successful too, owned his own business but addiction will steal everything and everyone away from them.
He had more than a few pins in him. He also had rods placed on several bones after a severe motorcycle accident. It was astonishing that he even managed to survive. There were many times when I felt like he was a cat with 9 lives!
He died in an end of life hospice facility. He died before he reached 70 years old. A got a phone call telling me where he was and I took my mom to say goodbye to her first born son. He is finally free from his pain and addiction.
I hate it when I read about animals being neglected because of these mentally ill seniors. I also hate it that people can live the way the OPs mother is living and APS won't step in to take this person and admit them to a facility or mental institution. I don't get the whole people can live the way they want nonsense because a normal person isn't going to live this way.
You seem to have done as much as anyone can on a personal basis. It may be time to back off and call APS.
Also, whether she went to her own child's funeral or not is her business. I understand why a mother wouldn't want to. Burying a child is one of life's most horrible experiences, and if she wanted to spare herself some of that anguish, that's up to her. You wanted her support, and that's understandable too. I'm sorry you didn't have it. But what's done is done, and I hope you can move on.
I doubt there is anything you can do. I would never take on any conservatorship or guardianship of such a person, as that is difficult enough with a cooperative kind person. And it's impossible in these circumstances.
I think guardianship of the state is the best answer, with or without placement.
I would call APS and say that you cannot deal with her but that she is a senior at risk and would like a case open, and possible Fiduciary management for diagnosis, care, placement for care, and or management.
In the end, there is perhaps nothing that CAN be done. I agree with your husband. Do not throw yourself on this funeral pyre. That is a waste of your own life.
But I'm wondering... if she's in that bad a shape, how is she even getting opioids? I mean, she has to renew her prescription and then go out to get them. Even if she's getting them from dealers, it wouldn't be easy, or cheap. Are you sure she's still using? She may have other medical issues, like a UTI, thyroid problem, dehydration, vitamin deficiency, etc.
The county can acquire guardianship for her and then they'd take care of all her needs and manage her affairs. May you receive peace in your heart!
On top of her opioid addiction there's obvious severe depression and perhaps even some dementia going on. So at this point I would just call APS and report a vulnerable adult living in filth and let them take things from there.
And even if they have to take over guardianship of her and have her placed somewhere it will be better than the living conditions she's in now for sure.
Your mom is very sick and needs help, so please try to not take things she does so personally. And if it means that you have to cut ties with her for your own mental health's sake....well so be it.
Mom is allowed to live the way she likes if she has been found incompetent.
I suggest you call Adult Protective Services in her town and report that she is a vulnerable adult. That will get her on their radar.