Hi there. I am the only one I know of that is fighting an uphill battle to get INTO the nursing home! I am 74 years old and my wonderful husband is in there with COPD and I need to be with him. We have been married a little over 20 years and he has been there since November. He is my soulmate.
I have no children, he has three boys who all say we 'do' belong together. It's not the finances that are the problem, I have to be hit by a MACK TRUCK to get in there. I am Christian also and does it not say in the bible 'Let no man
separate what God has joined?? I need to NEED nursing care, and I understand that. But he has had two falls since he's been there and I could have prevented them. He's also suffering from anoxia because his oxygen doesn't stay on right and I could watch that. What am I going to do??
I'm sorry you're in such a position, but I don't wish you to 'have a NEED' to go into a Skilled Nursing Facility simply so you two can be together. Wishing sickness or mobility issues upon yourself isn't really a good idea, no matter how noble the reason.
Best of luck to both you and your hubby.
https://www.essentialcaregiverscoalition.org/feed?fbclid=IwAR35TOCx3kiuNfDXjYRx1dxg9UT1zqtcnfTgpJFueSUMXiwRQNu5LHUALTk
The group below is specific to my state, South Carolina. There are similar groups for many of the states and you may find one for yours if you search on Google.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/315279832983350
It sounds like you would like to be a "patient" in a nursing home with your husband. Unless you "qualify" by Medicare standards they could only allow you to be a patient if you can afford to be private pay. The few times my husband was a patient in a SNF it was for rehab and I did stay 24/7 to help him except for quick trips home and it was allowed in a private room. It is very draining and hard but I was allowed to be there.
Advocates for the law — which creates minimum staffing ratios and requires that nursing home residents get at least 3.5 hours per day of direct nursing care — said they're relieved that the delay is over.
Julie Martinez, a member of the health care workers union 1199 SEIU and a nurse at the Dunkirk nursing home in western New York, said there have been times in the past couple of years when she has been the only registered nurse on duty for 40 residents.
She said it’s “heartbreaking” to be unable to meet even the basic needs of residents, like helping them use the bathroom or getting them a glass of water.
“The staff is crying because they know that the residents are not getting quality care,” Martinez said. “They deserve it and we can’t give it to them.”
She said residents went for months without visitors earlier in the COVID-19 pandemic, and sometimes they just needed to have a conversation. Martinez said she hopes the new staffing minimums will now make that possible.
Since it sounds like this isn't an option at the current nursing home that your husband is in, check out other locations, perhaps combination facilities that offer varying levels of care.
Can you and the three boys put your heads together and find a facility with a more open mind when it comes to admissions and a wider range of care options?
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Is your husband in a single room? I was thinking that if you ask the nursing home if you could stay overnight for a couple of days then you may find it too exhausting for yourself to deal with the commotion and sounds of a nursing home on a 24 hours basis. I know when I spent the night with my Mom, I slept in a reclining chair, I was constantly waking up to unfamiliar sounds. I was so zoned out, I had to go home.
And, heaven forbid you should need to be in a hospital, and later go to rehab, you would be sent to whatever nursing home that has an open bed. It may not be the nursing home where your husband is staying.
Be with hubby during the day, but go home to recharge yourself so you can be ready for the next day.
Or maybe he’s telling you to bring your husband home. The cost of at home care will likely be no more than paying for you and your husband’s NH care.
Maybe God is gifting you an opportunity to rethink your interpretation of Christian. Playing the Bible card to get what you think you’re entitled to smacks of desperate phony piety (that’s also transparent and self-defeating). No one dissolved your union. The nursing home didn’t force your husband to be admitted or force you to agree to their terms.
When my Dad had moved into senior living, he brought along his private caregiver. The caregiver wasn't allowed into the facilities until she was fully vetted, even thought she was with an Agency. The caregiver/Agency had to be licensed, bonded, and insured.
If you are a paying resident would that be OK?
Perhaps consider an Assisted Living situation if that would work, if the care would be enough for hubby and you living together. And then of course assets and costs are a consideration, and while there may be a cut in rate there would still not be "two for the price of one"; you would still be a paying resident.
Hope you find a way.
The other option is to take him home and hire round the clock caregivers from a home health agency. Before doing do, please consult several home health care agencies for their rates and talk with somebody at the bank about financing this. Your spouse may live a long life, and you will need finances to take care of yourself if your needs change.
About twenty years ago, a friend of ours (who is a doctor) paid for two rooms to be remodeled into a small apartment for his parents in a private-run nursing home. That way, one parent got the care they needed and didn't have to be separated from the spouse. If money isn't an issue, then maybe this is an idea worth exploring.