My husband has always had a severe sugar addiction, which I knew down the line could cause serious health issues and here we are. Dementia. Hardly able to walk (he is/was a Triathlete: Escape From Alcatraz swimmer and all that, climbed Kilimanjaro, motorcycles (2), the whole 9 yards), not able to drive, and we gave his son all the power tools, as, being an excellent carpenter, contractor, design/build business of his own, he cannot handle any of that anymore. So he eats. And eats sugar. Toast and jam, 1/2 loaf a day...last night he made a box of jello for dinner as I was alongside him making our nightly meal, salad and seafood with produce from the garden, and this morning I see from the dishes that he ate all 4 bowls that he made last night. And put them in the dishwasher and ran the dishwasher. Do I just stop buying sugar foods? He is reliant on me for everything, he is 77 - and I am 61. I am trying to keep him healthy and he says he would rather eat sugar and live a shorter life. I'm so depressed to see him deteriorate like this, but at this point in his life I just want him to be happy. Dementia is no fun, so sugar is his drug of choice. Please share your thoughts and expertise!! Thank you in advance. I read these emails every day and this group is helping me every day.
The thing is, as sugar goes, jam and jello are not big league stuff. If you really want to cram pure sucrose down yourself, drink original Coke or coat everything with frosting. He's eating sugar with fruit in it on bread, and sugar with protein in it, and if he's eating the good stuff too maybe it's not so simple to understand as a sweet tooth.
Do you have access to a dietitian? Preferably one with a good insight into dementia-related eating/appetite disorders?
fructose is processed not digestion by but directly by the liver. Liver disease and every other metabolic syndromes are the result,
You could stop buying sugary foods (or try sugar free alternatives) but if he has access to transportation or money, he'll get it himself if you don't.
I'm no medical expert, but this "Nah, I'd rather just eat sugar and die earlier" doesn't sound like dementia. It sounds more like depression. When someone is depressed, they don't care about themselves or how they hurt others. Doesn't mean they're bad people; just not mentally well.
It's been proven that sugar 'lights up' the brain much like cocaine does. It stimulates the feel-good chemicals. The resulting insulin spike that leads to the sugar crash just drives the person to eat more of it again, and there's the vicious cycle that's quite difficult to break. Main thing I've seen sugar do is contribute to diabetes. If he hasn't gotten that by now, don't guess he ever will?
16 years may not have seemed like a big gap when you married, but now you are middle age with an elderly husband. Unfortunately, he will be "done" mentally and physically before you will.
I hope others will tell you how to make carrot shreds in a jello salad mold, how to incorporate some things like the natural sugars of sweet potatoes with a little brown sugar, how to trick him into a wonderful dish made of potatoes, cheese and cream. An Italian meatball sandwich dripping with cheese? Must be something. Manwhile, keep some sugar free jello stuffed with great fruits and veggies on hand at all time.
Wishing you luck. I am an old RN and I don't much believe in deprivation at this point. Why? For what? As Dr. Dean Edell used to say "Why. For another year in the nursing home?" You might want to find an old copy of his book "Eat, Drink and be Merry".
My parents [90+] would have on their grocery list a few healthy items until I would come to the Hostess Cupcakes, the vanilla fudge ice cream, the chocolate chip muffins, blueberry pie, several cans of whip cream, Little Debbies snacks, etc.
Yes, I am from the school that believes if one reaches a certain age, if they want ice cream for breakfast you ask "one scoop or two".
You could try organic foods, example I found that Nature's Path makes really good tasting cereals.
I think you should not worry about this for your husband. You might try and reduce some of what he consumes. Make the jello yourself in controlled amounts. Try the sugar free choices and see if he notices the difference. He is suffering and no doubt is aware all is not right. If this brings him pleasure why deny it. I think the best you can do is control certain amounts. Hopefully this might cause you less frustration. I wish you the best. It is very hard to live with a serious health issue. At 63 I never thought this disaster would happen to me. Yesterday I had to show my 89 year old mother my face. She suffers from memory loss. The look on her face was heartbreaking. I know she loves me and there is nothing she can do. I hope it won't consume her thoughts.
If I get dementia I sure hope someone still brings me doughnuts!
Lives are already destroyed by dementia. Why destroy what's left of them with restricted diets for no good reason?
Best of luck as you navigate this difficult road.
My husband was 37, the picture of health, diet conscious, exercised, etc. He felt bad a couple of days, went to the doctor. Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Dead less than a year later. If he were alive and wanted sugar I’d go buy it for him. One never knows what the future holds. Have some pleasure while you’re able to enjoy.
If you do the shopping you control the food in the house. If the doctor indicates there is a reason to be concerned about his consumption, then you can shop accordingly. Sugar free Jello, low sugar jam. Buy multi grain, or oatmeal bread, so he is getting additional nutrients with his jam on toast.
My neighbour Al, had diabetes and chose to eat himself to death. His wife had left him and he did not feel like he had anything further to live for, so he drank regular coke, ate loads of sweets and died in his early 60's.
If you dh's doctor says his blood sugar is ok, then you can worry less, but still replace some of the sugar filled snacks with lower sugar ones. Be mindful that too much sugar substitute can lead to diarrhea. My former mil found this out when she ate an entire jar of sugar free jam I had made her in 2 days. Served her right for being so greedy.
Sugar is an issue for diabetics. Other than that I feel moderation is the key to everything.
But then again, why eat something that is nutritionally valueless if you don't have to and it's got a question mark over it?
Exactly! I don’t trust fake food. Moderation is the key.
CM,
What is your take on these popular ‘energy’ drinks? I must admit I have never had one. I love my coffee. Not saying coffee is a health food but I think the energy drinks aren’t so great and can cause health problems.
When my kids used to ask for them I did not buy them. Of course after they moved away I know they tried them. All of their friends drink them.
What’s in those things anyway? Massive amounts of caffeine? I’ve never read an ingredient label because I have never been interested in buying them. Are they okay for occasional use?
Just checked: "Somewhere between 300 and 1000 different species [of bacteria] live in the gut, with most estimates at about 500. However, it is probable that 99% of the bacteria come from about 30 or 40 species, with Faecalibacterium prausnitzii being the most common species in healthy adults."
The piece of research I was listening to was about certain of these species being wiped out by common sweeteners. Each one of these species plays its special part in your digestion. Each type lives on particular compounds, and in digesting its diet it contributes to yours. So if one little element in the process breaks down, what happens to the process?
The main point of all this is that we don't know enough. You'd have to check not just what the sweeteners do to those 500-odd different species individually, but what happens in combination and in various contexts.
FF a few years and he has 2 massive heart attacks. It was all related, the weight, the immobility, AND totally occluded arteries. 2 procedures to place stents and he was a 'new man'.
He was SHOCKED into losing the 70 lbs and changing his lifestyle and eating. The diabetes no longer required Metformin, but he still gets 'sick' when he eats a lot of carbs. He quit sugary soda and the 4-5 bowls of cereal that started every day. He's so much better. He doesn't watch his carb intake and I have to really cook differently, as he has zero self control and admits it.
I do not buy sugary things. Even carby things. He went to Costco the other night and bought a giant bag of tortilla chips, and 3 huge bags of candy. I gave the candy away and told him that since I was not canning salsa (he LOVES my homemade salsa!) he better enjoy that last bag of chips and the last few jars of salsa.
Salsa is gone, he picked the last of the garden last night and brought it in with much fanfare and said he was SURE there was enough for 2 batches of salsa. I told him to have a nice Saturday, I'd walk him through the process--only take 6 hrs from start to finish..) he really tried to get me to agree to make the salsa--and I won't bow. (I have cancer and the chemo has left me with zero strength and endurance. It is what it is.)
My point, lost in the fog of where my brain was, is you CANNOT change him. My DH will go out and get a milkshake or something---effectively ruining that days' sugar intake. He is better and he DOES check his A1c and its' been OK. I cook healthily, I gave up trying to have any control over his diet. He does not care.
He will eat sugar free jello if there is a good size glob of 'real' whipped cream on it. I always have fresh fruit on hand and since he doesn't love fruit, he will be self limiting on that. Few carbs--a couple weeks ago I baked cookies for neighbors and he came home from work as I was delivering these and he ate a DOZEN chocolate chip cookies. They were on a plate and wrapped, so he KNEW they weren't for him (I had set aside 4 he could have over the course of the evening) He ate those first, then just plowed through the dozen with about 24 oz of milk.
No dinner for him.
Sorry overlong point--but showing you that you have less control than you think. My Dh actually told his cardiologist that he was obese because I am 'too good a cook'. Dr said that was the first time he'd ever heard that.
Hahaha! Your posts are always so honest. I love that. I relate most to ‘no nonsense’ direct people who don’t beat around the bush or ‘sugar coat’ anything. I don’t even put sugar in my coffee or tea! I like coffee to taste like coffee and tea to taste like tea. Why alter it?
I think you should write a book with the little stories about your hubby during your treatment. You’re quite good at expressing the situation and bring a few chuckles to the table every time.
I think it would actually be therapeutic for others in your situation because their husbands are probably the same. They would know that they aren’t alone. Not to mention it would be so damn entertaining!
Let’s face it. Men are wired differently! I have a great husband but we certainly don’t see eye to eye on everything. That’s impossible.
I do like that we agree to disagree when necessary. We each have a right to our own opinions.
Mid, your husband sounds like mine. He has a sweet tooth that goes down to his toes! When we dine out he looks at the sweets on the menu first, then plans accordingly.
The only difference is he was a track runner when I met him and had an extremely lean, muscular body. He still does. He’s still active and very trim and fit. Neither of us ‘live to eat.’ We ‘eat to live.’
I adore your outlook, not just about your ideas on the forum but in your personal life in day to day situations or in very trying times.
I look to certain people for inspiration and look forward to knowing that I will be uplifted and laugh and you are among that list. Laughter is good for the soul and God knows we have all done our share of crying. I cry if I need to but I never want to forget how to laugh. It’s too dark of a place. So thanks for bringing us joy and laughter in the midst of very serious topics. I appreciate it so much.
I remember how, in the early 1950s my parents were told that my 85 year old grandmother should be denied puffed rice cereal with half and half cream and spoonfuls of sugar (which is all she would eat on some days). Such meals were going to kill her, said the doctor. They did kill her. She lived only 5 more years!
I know some readers will find my tongue-in-cheek words offensive, uncaring, unscientific. I apologize if they come across that way. Please don't be offended. I'm already past 77 and can, in some ways, sympathize with Jamisons husband, who apparently relished more than a little risk in his life. And what a wonderfully exciting and productive life it has been. Okay, his diet is a risk he's not willing to give up. ( I know that someday, somebody, will have to pry a Snickers bar from my cold dead hands). If hubby can make jello and operate the dishwasher he's a long ways from Alzheimers.
You may be just strengthening his resistance by making such an issue over diet. You obviously love him a lot. Tell him so. Hug him . Do things together. Give him healthy foods when he will eat them, but when he won't....change your focus. Pick your battles. You can still take good care of yourself and I hope you will. Your husband is a lucky man to have such a caring wife.
But, not sure how far you want to go with this. Is it worth making it a hill to die on? If you cut his sugar out, he'll probably be very angry. I totally understand wanting to keep him from eating sugar and I would be verrry tempted to do so if it were me. He has dementia - does he really understand the implications of trading sugar for a shorter life?
I'm wondering similar things about my mom. A bit different, but for me, it's does she understand that moving less is going to increase her pain and decrease her mobility? But, unfortunately, I can't force her to make the right choice and do the freakin PT. So, I'm forced to watch her decline as she sits around and is going to make her world smaller and smaller, etc.
She is also a sugarholic. And VERY overweight. Both very bad for her. She says sugar is her drug. Makes me crazy. I provide high quality meals that are low carb, organic, etc. She gets sugar when she is out and if my husband brings crap home. I don't provide it but I KNOW she gets it and plenty of it. I feel somewhat good that she is at least getting lots of good stuff too.
Oy, this eldercare thing is not for the faint of heart!
My mother 94/Dementia eats so much junk food, I don’t like it but food has become her reason for life.
Can you make the jello for him and add fresh fruit, nuts, shredded veggies? This would give him his sugar fix and let you know that he is getting some nutrition with it.
I would avoid artificial sweeteners, they have been proven to be neurotoxins. Any benefit of reducing sugar is cancelled out and then some.
You can use whole sugar (the kind that has all the nutrients left in it, it is dark brown and delicious), molasses, maple sugar, raw honey and fruits to sweeten things without filling up with white sugar.
I would also look at ingredients and avoid as much high fructose corn syrup as possible. It is killing our gut health and it is all gmo with a side of round up.
Be creative and get those fibers and nutrients into his sweet treats. You will see that he doesn't just eat the entire thing because he will feel more sated.
Real sugar coke with lime jello and fresh fruits and walnuts is crazy good and a well balanced meal. I know it sounds gross, but it is one of those recipes that shocks you.
You have to learn to pick your battles with dementia, no reasoning with a broken brain. Find ways to meet both of your desires. Honestly, I would not want to have a long life if I was losing my mind. Maybe he feels the same way.
Sugar-fixations are and have been very common with the elderly. I remember hearing about them back in the 1970's and it was not a new concept even then.
The elderly find it easier to eat a bag of cookies than to cook even a TV-Dinner. Heck, even I will grab a jar of peanut butter instead of cooking sometimes.
As Isthisrealyreal stated, you must learn to pick your battles. Any foods are better than no foods. Have you tried incorporating Nutritional Shakes into his diet? At least then you have a better chance of his getting his nutritional needs met. I did it by making my DH hot cocoa and using the Ensure Plus as the base for it. It kept him reasonably healthy for over a year when he started refusing foods.
When my DH passed last year, the same nutritional shakes kept me alive until I too was ready to return to real foods.