My elderly father has been sick for about a week with some very serious sounding medical symptoms. He is barely able to eat and can only hold down fruit without vomiting. He constantly has to go to the bathroom, but he can barely get anything out and he says his urine is sometimes sticky. He has lower back pain and is weak and very thin.
I have been trying to care for him this week but I live an hour and a half away from him and I work full time so it's really not possible for me to care for him on my own. I filed a export with elder a use because I felt he was endangering his life by not eating or seeking medical care. I had emts come but he refused to go to the hospital.
He is able to get up, dress, and wash himself but I feel he needs care due to his weakness, lack of eating, and very conning medical symptoms. I tried to get him to accept a caregiver to come help him through Medicare, but he refuses because they require medical care to approve a caregiver. He can't afford to pay for someone to help him, and I am not able to either.
This is very hard for me because I worry about him being alone but I am not able to care for him except to check on him maybe once a week and he refuses to allow me to set up any other care for him.
I should also add that he is high functioning autistic. He can care for himself but he has high anxiety about any changes in his life and he has a fear of doctors and authority figures.
Any advice would be rally appreciated.
The only option I can see is for you to go to his house, call 911 and go with him to the hospital. If he's on any meds that can calm him to address the fear of doctors and authority figures, I would contact his doctor(s) (a PCP or internist) and ask if there would be any interaction with any other med he's taking.
I would also explain to the EMTs prior to their arrival that he has a fear of authority figures and doctors. My experience is that they're very personable, adaptable, and know how to handle different kinds of anxieties and might be able to talk him into going with them.
He's probably already dehydrated, probably so weak it's hard for him to get around, and the back pain could be indicative of a number of issues. He's going to have to get some help ASAP or he's going to be a lot sicker.
Another possibility is to locate a medical service that makes house calls. More than likely a nurse or doctor would advise him he needs to go to the ER, but perhaps their more gentle home treatment approach could convince him he's gambling with his life.
I really hope you can find a way to get him to accept help. If you're there in person though, sometimes you just have to be very aggressive and tell him he's going to the hospital one way or the other - not an option I would recommend but he needs to be overridden if he's going to get treatment.
I think I might consult with an attorney in his county. They may conduct it by phone. I'd try to find out what my options may be in that county and what your chances are of getting guardianship or getting an agency involved with intervening. At least you would know what may be done and you can chose which course you think is best.
I think that GardenArtist has great suggestions. It's difficult to do much long distance in cases like this.