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I am always being blamed for doing something to the phone when my mother's best friend sometimes can't reach her. The woman is most likely misdialing the number and that is why she is not getting through. No one else who calls here has a problem when they call, only her. Then when she speaks to my mother, she'll say, I tried to call you twice and I get a message. Note, we do not have voice mail set up and we do have caller ID. There is never a record of her call when she comes with this complaint. Anyhow, when this happens, and it is so often it is maddening. I am interrogated by the both of them, like I owe them an explanation why she can't get through when she calls. She'll say to my mother "I'm not making it up.” The woman causes arguments and frustration and it's like a feeling of being bullied. Also, on occasion, this friend will sometimes mistakenly call early at the crack of dawn and say, oh, I am so sorry I meant to call my niece.

Please fill in your profile. For example, how old are all of you, where are you living, etc?

I’d suggest that you say that Friend is the one with the dodgy phone and/or problems dialing. Is one a landline and the other a mobile?
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Ohmymy Aug 28, 2024
My mother is 80 and friend is 78. They're both on my nerves. This has been going on a long time and it's overwhelming me :( They have both, landline and mobile.
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Seriously? Do not engage in these ridiculous conversations again. Leave the room when the friend comes over, or put headphones on. It sounds like both of them have dementia, and there's no arguing with dementia, that's for sure!
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Ohmymy Aug 28, 2024
My mom is 80 and hasn't been officially diagnosed or tested. I dont know why her pcp hasnt done these tests yet. Its time. The friend I'm not sure about but theyre driving me nuts.
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Unless you’re somehow a child with an elderly mother, go selectively deaf and tune out all of this, don’t allow yourself to be “interrogated” and stop feeling you owe explanations. It’s one of the joys of being an adult
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Ohmymy Aug 28, 2024
Lol .. Im 54. I feel like my head is going to explode.
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Tell them “ I don’t want to hear about it, there are bigger problems in the world than phone glitches “ ,
Then leave the room .
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Ohmymy Aug 29, 2024
Right?? Exactly.
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Show the friend and your mother the caller ID log on your phone and call out her fib (lie, exaggeration). Tell her to stop telling your mother she’s tried to call when you can see she has not. Tell her you’re not playing her game anymore.
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Ohmymy Aug 29, 2024
Exactly. I always point that out to my mother and she tells the friend too.. but what to do?! it goes in one ear and out the other! Just leave me alone 😔
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Not sure it would help but could you put your mom’s phone on speaker and call the friend while in your mom’s presence?
You could ask the friend to call your mom right back so you can “test the phone”, then hang up without reminding her of your mom’s number.
You and your mom can sit there and wait together for the friend to call back. When (if) she does, you can keep the phone on speaker and say “Yay! Looks like the phone is working! You two have a nice chat now!” Repeat daily for a week or two, if necessary, preferably at about4:30 a.m. 😉
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Ohmymy Aug 29, 2024
😄 This friend rarely visits actually..they talk on the phone every day. This friend is the only one who calls her religiously. If there is no phone call from her it is like the world has ended.
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Ohmymy, it sounds a little like crazy making, Ive been learning some people like to confuse people, even when they know your right , they will never admit to it because either your mom or her gf or even both want control. And the best way to gain control is to make you feel a little crazy.

Just like they are doing, they are making you feel unstable enough to need help, on honestly a silly argument. Not that your silly to be annoyed at all. But they are getting exactly what they want you second guessing yourself.

Don't play into the games, ignore them, let it go. It will make them board and maybe try a new game.

Best of luck, welcome to the forum, I don't think I've seen your name.
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Ohmymy Aug 29, 2024
Thank you..this is the truth, I know. It's enough alone dealing with my mother and I have the difficult friend to contend with too. Calgon, take me away.
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For starters when the "friend" starts up with the bullying put her in her place. Tell her that you'll have the phone number changed if she doesn't cut the crap with her instigating and abusive behavior. Don't let your mother get away with treating you like this either. Never play these kinds of games.

Next, talk to her family because she probably has dementia and needs some supervision now. If you want the crack of dawn calls to stop, turn the ringer off on the phone before you go to bed.

It is also possible that neither of them have dementia and just enjoy tormenting you and being trouble-makers. I've known many, many seniors without dementia whose only joy in life was making other people's lives miserable and tormenting their adult children.

If such is the case with your mother and her friend, you could try another approach. Stay up really late tonight and call the friend's house at say 3am and let it ring until she answers. When she does, tell her:

'Oh, sorry I was trying to call my friend in Yorkshire. They're six hours ahead of us in England. Your phone number and hers are just so similar'.

Do this a few times and she'll stop trouble-making with the calls.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Ohmymy Aug 29, 2024
She has my mother thinking something is wrong with the phone line 😟 She most likely does have dementia and like another member on here said, you can't reason with them. I just need to vent. Thanks. ❤️
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