I was divorced 2 years ago, I was a stay-at-home mom. My mother's boyfriend/fiancé that supported her passed away. My mom cared for my kids after school and made sure they got on the bus in the morning for school. I am on a very limited income. My mother had nowhere else to go, so she moved in with me. My relationship was okay with her, but I have a very hard time because she didn't take care of me. I moved out at 15 because I had nowhere else to go, and was in an abusive relationship until I finally figured a way out. My mom gets about $100 a month from my father's maintenance order, she had settled for thousands and blew that money last year. Her boyfriend didn't think to have a will, and his daughter took everything. My mom has no work history, and claims to have health problems that deter her from working. She was denied for disability, but filed it by herself. I can't afford a lawyer to help her. I pay for everything we need. She asks for money for gas and cigarettes sometimes, but usually is okay on that. I can't kick her out. I think she lacks "life smarts", and I don't know what she would do. But, I also need her to help with the kids for an hour until I get home. I spoke to her about a job, but she said she can't. I am burnt out. I do all the housework, work two jobs, and take care of my babies. My boyfriend moved in to help, and we have no privacy. I feel like I'm stuck with her forever, and I need my privacy! I've taken care of my grandma, my brother, and now her. All the while, I'm struggling. I don't know what to do here. I cried so hard when she first got there because I felt bad for her, but I really just need my life to come together. It seems there's an obstacle in every direction I go. Is there help out there for women like her? I'd do anything to get her her own home! She's only 60, and I'm 27. I feel like I'm being a parent to her.
She had you at 33 - are you the only child?
Your father is still paying her maintenance. How long since they divorced?
This bit I don't understand at all: "I moved out at 15 because I had nowhere else to go" - what made you leave home at such a young age?
So there she was at 48, empty nest, presumably your Dad had also gone by then.
Then she takes up with this boyfriend/fiancé; but never gets around to formalising the relationship.
Has she ever held down a job? Has she ever been in a secure relationship? How long is it since her boyfriend passed away and his daughter removed all the assets? How long were they together?
What do you think your mother would like to happen, now and long term? What kind of future do you think she could, realistically, build for herself?
The reason I'm asking all these questions is that you're not going to feel okay about kicking her out until she has somewhere secure and positive to go. So, since she doesn't seem able to plan for herself, or at least you couldn't say she's made a habit of it, you need to understand her hopes and fears and possibilities and help her find a way forward. Then you're in the clear.
Just remember, she's never going to make a move, it's up to you.
I'm sure she can cook, do dishes, clean the bathroom and run a vacuum. Why isn't she helping you with the housework if she doesn't financially contribute to the household? It's time you put your foot down and make herdo her share by cleaning the house!
Next, I would make a doctor's appointment for her and go with her to find out the extent of her "injuries". The doctor could then start the process for disability IF she truly is disabled. It sounds like you will have to hold her hand and guide her through the whole process. Unfortunately, there is also the possibility that she's making all this up, so you will 1.) feel sorry for her.
2.) not force her to do anything in the house and
3.) she will have a repeat of the same situation she had with the boyfriend, who supported her, but now it's YOU!
Get in touch with your county's social workers and ask what resources your mom would qualify for (on her own.) Tell them that she's homeless. Does she have Medicaid or MediCal for health insurance? Ask them for a referral to speak with a social worker who can give you a bunch of options. She does not have to live with you. If she has no assets (money, own a home, etc.), she could probably qualify for GA (general assistance-money from the government to live on), low cost housing, food "stamps" (actually EBT card with credit to spend on food in the grocery store), etc. But YOU will have to get the ball rolling because she has a great set-up and why would she want to change it? Please don't be taken advantage of by someone who didn't care for you. Your only responsibility is to make sure she has the basics (food, shelter, clothing, medical care), nothing more.
And quit giving her $ for gas and cigarettes! That's cash is for things that your kids need. YOU are ENABLING her to stay right where she is....on Easy Street.
I'm sorry I was so harsh. You are a good person, trying to do the right thing. Too bad the same can't be said of her. Do NOT sacrifice your children and boyfriend and, especially your sanity, for someone like that, even IF she is your mother.
Why does she need gas money if she has no job? If both of you could be reasonable and negotiate, maybe you could work out an agreement so you help each other, but, it sounds like there are more problems than just the money.