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My mother has either early stage Alzheimers or Dementia-Dr's haven't totally pinned this down for me yet. She is taking Alzheimer meds but they don't seem to do much (if any) good, but that isn't the problem.
Two years ago my stepfather (her husband died) and left mom without any income except her Social Security which is about $1,000 a month, however he did leave her with TRICARE for medical (he was retired military) and medicare so she doesn't really have any major medical bills. She also was left with a mobile home on about 1/3 acre. Unfortunately it isn't paid off yet, she still owes about $10K on it.
All in all mom is in pretty good physical shape but her memory is pretty bad. She generally reminds me of a petulant child and it is very hard to make her happy. This is what makes me think it is early alzheimers.
My husband and I live within a mile of mom and due to her memory lapses I immediately started taking care of her bills and things like that. Within 6 months I realized I had to stop her from driving because it was a danger to others.
My husband and I live in a tiny mobile home in a senior community. We don't even have room for a nail to hang mom on so she can't come live with us. Also we don't own the land where our mobile is, we just rent to land.
I am one of 5 children that my mother had. So far she has outlived 3 of her children. There are only 2 of us left. My older sister lives about 100 miles away and basically only talks to my mom by phone maybe once a month. I am the one that calls mom daily, takes care of her medication, buys her groceries, takes her to the Dr, takes her cat to the vet, etc. But so far she has been capable of living alone. As time goes on I can see that it won't be long before that isn't possible. I also work a full time job and can't quit because I am the one that provides our medical insurance.
I have POA for my mom and she has a will which leaves her mobile home to me. She made that decision 2 years ago because she said I am the only one that helps her. She really doesn't have anything else of value to worry about. Recently I moved mom into a tiny little apartment so that we could try to sell her place. Mainly because she needed to be in a smaller place using less utilities and closer to neighbors for more companionship. I also figured if we sold it she could use the money to live better and hopefully continue to live independently with my help. I also figured that if she had to go to a nursing home eventually the Gov would take her place anyway. My husband and I have been cleaning and painting her place in hopes of selling it but it has been a few months with no real interest.
I can't afford to move into her place and lose my place if I will be thrown out when she passes or goes to a nursing home and I can't afford to pay for my place on the side. Things are very tight money wise for my husband and I.
If her place doesn't sell, the best thing would be for my husband and I to move into it and bring mom back to live with us until we can no longer handle her, but like I said I don't want to be left homeless.
I have been told that if the house hasn't been in my name for 5 years the gov can take it from me.
What should I do? Any help is appreciated. I can see this is rambling but I hope you can figure out what I mean.

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The 5 year rule applies if and when you want to apply for medicaid for your Mom. If she needs nursing home care and she does not have long term care coverage, she will have to pay from any resources she has. Her mobile home can be considered an asset and they can use that until there is nothing left. Then the medicaid will take over.
If your Mom is in good health, you can put the house in your name or a trust. BUT you will have to wait 5 years to be free from contributing to long term care.
Good luck.
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I would definitely contact an elder law attorney on this. It is true that medicaid will look back 5 years to see if any money or assets were transferred into someone else's name, and that could make that person ineligable to collect Medicaid. Also make sure you keep VERY accurate records of how you are spending her money, because Medicaid will want to know that every cent spent was used correctly, and they want very detailed records and receipts. Any large sums taken out or transferred will be questioned by them and you will be penalized (not be able to collect Medicaid) if money was spent on what they consider "unnecessary" items. Here in Florida, the government cannot go after a person's home to collect money, (the home is protected) however once the home is sold, they can go after the estate. You definitely need an elder law attorney who can set up a "trust". Good luck!
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The trust is a good idea we did that with ou son and when my husband needed to be placed the 5 years had passed so they could not touch the house-he died before he got on medicaide but the house would have been safe and not considered an assest. Elders need to make these decisions earier you never know what is going to happen tomarrow and adult children need to have the talk while their parents are well and their mind is sharp-.
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No, you would not be thrown out if she had to go to nursing care. For instance, my mother had a home in her name and she went to nursing care. Medicaid paid for whatever her monthly income didn't cover and I stayed in Mom's home rent free. If I (or anyone else) would have paid her rent, it would have gone towards her income and Medicare would pay that much less. My mother had a miraculous recovery and ended up moving back to her home for a while. I think that must be the reason they cannot take your home?? You can get well and return home.
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Ideally, it would have benefited if my dad had actually put the house in just my name from the beginning - in 1994 when he purchased it he was only 72; however, my husband was a police sgt. at the time. If he (my husband) would have been sued (as many police officers are for doing their job) , and they went after "us" - my parents house could have been lost because it was in my name and my assets would be liable. A few years later, my husband retired, dad had died, and mom got older, she heard horror stories from her friends how their children threw them out of the house because their name wasn't on the deed. Although mom didn't believe I would ever do that - her friends told her not to put it in my name alone (thank you so called "friends"). She was getting older and I had to worry about the 5 year lookback period (for Medicaid) if I did in fact convince her to put it in my name. If something would have happened to her within those 5 years, they would have went after the house because she handed it over to me. Keeping it at that point in her name OR mine was the best option. Medicaid couldn't touch it and when she passed it went directly to me. Everything worked out, even though at times I had my doubts.
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Here's the link for info on VA benefits, eligibility, etc. - http://www.veteranaid.org See if your County Government has a Veteran's Rep. (most do). They will help you fill out all the necessary paperwork (for free). You can also go to your local VA office for additional information or see if your County has a Council on Aging.
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I feel your pain, honestly because we are in a similar dilemma. I've had a lot of challenges in my life but dealing w/aging parents is the most difficult.
Much depends on the state you live in as to what the laws are. I wouldn't move into your mom's place. With dementia, she'll probably have to go into a nursing home to get the care she needs and like you said then you're w/out a home. My suggestion is to start checking nursing homes. In Tenn, a veteran's wife qualifys for 1/2 the costs of a nursing home. And if her property isn't important to you, which it doesn't sound like it is, then the nursing home will take that IF the cost exceeds what her veterans benefits and SS cover for the nursing home.
Hope this helps.
I do want to encourage you and your husband to take care of yourselves first. I didn't and had a stroke where I had to learn to type, write and walk again. I wasn't much good to anyone at that point. I have recovered and fortunately my mom is well enough at the moment to live on her own (after living w/us for a year, during my step dad's illness and death, a broken pelvis and broken ribs,) she just started living alone at the end of June. So we'll see what happens next. We got her a lifefone to wear around her neck as a precaution. But she's not coming back to our house. That sounds cold but both my husband and I's health suffered and relationship as well. We are taking steps to sell our house and moving into a small apt. and when mom can't live alone (she's 45 minutes from us) then we can get her an apt. next door or in the same complex and pay a nurse to come in for the things we're unable to do. I have a daughter that will help out some too. Your sister needs to help but you can't make her and that probably would just cause more stress to argue w/her about it. Do what is less stress on you but be proactive. Find out about the veteran's benefits, etc. That will help you know what course to take. Best wishes to you.
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Followng up on luvmom's post, I've been told by attys here and there, that a Revocable Living Trust is the way to go....not just to avoid probate, but to do a trustee to trustee transfer of assets. No tax liability either for the receiving trustee ( until he or she withdraws the money for him/herself). Don't let them talk you into an annuity either.
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N1 - spot-on again on the annuity. I shudder when I see those "free lunch/dinner" and learn about our annuity postcards about. The residents at my mom's old IL got those all the time. Pigeons.

An immediate annuity can also be “Medicaid compliant” if it is actuarially sound, irrevocable, non-assignable, has equal payments, and names the state Medicaid program as the primary or contingent beneficiary to the extent of Medicaid benefits provided to the institutionalized individual. Almost every insurance company offers an immediate annuity, but less than a handful of insurance companies offer a Medicaid Compliant Annuity. The problem for most insurance companies is that they cannot offer an immediate contract that is irrevocable as to the parties, and also is non-assignable and these are not profitable for the company.
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Thank-you!
I will make calls later today concerning documentation needed and scheduling a formal appraisal.
You have been an enormous help.
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