I returned to work today after being out for two days with my mother in the hospital. As I came in I was given the lecture that it was our busy time and I needed to make a decision whether I could work and care fo my mother at the same time. My sister and brother live in other states so I don;t have anyone else to assist with mom's care. I presently have an agency providing in home care for mom while I am working. Unfortunately there is always a "crisis" either with mom or her caregivers. I know I will need to be with mom for some tests and doctor visits in the next few weeks. What do I do?
Darned if you do and darned if you don't, right? Since you can't have your cake and it it too, eventually you'll have to make a choice. ... Or your boss is going to make it for you.
Elizza made some wonderful suggestions you shouldn't ignore. You can, for instance, (1) take medical leave until your mom is stable and the hired caregivers "crises" are over; (2) resign if you can afford being out of work; (3) make your boss' life miserable until he/she fires you, then file for unemployment and take care of your mom for 6 months; (4) talk with your mother, explain your job situation, and ask her to cooperate a little (do the same with your siblings); (5) put your mom in a nursing home; or (6) get on the pity pot and wait for everything to go away -- including your livelihood.
I advise you against holding your boss accountable for your situation and misfortunes. If I were him/her, I'd also ask you to decide what's more important. He/she has a business to run, you entered into an agreement when hired, not-so-unforeseen circumstances arose that keep you from performing your duties and earning that paycheck, and now it seems you're looking for a loophole that will allow you to take days off to take care of your mother even when there's hired help available (albeit in crisis) and hang on to a steady paycheck. The way it looks, and judging from the information you've given here, you can't have both. Good luck.
-- ED
as mentioned by the previous posters.
The federal FMLA does not apply to:
* workers in businesses with fewer than 50 employees (this threshold does not apply to public agency employers and local educational agencies);
* part-time workers who have worked less than 1,250 hours within the 12 months preceding the leave;
* workers who need time off to care for seriously ill domestic partners, children of domestic partners or seriously ill elderly relatives;
* workers who need time off to recover from short-term or common illness like a cold, or to care for a family member with a short-term illness; and
* workers who need time off for routine medical care, such as check-ups.
I ran into the same issue. I'm an only child and had to take time off when my parents took ill. They were in NJ and I was in CT. I had to move them into assisted living here in CT. My boss told me I had an "attendance problem". I'm sure that was a factor in the decision to vote me off the island when the company had a layoff. My female boss was much more lenient with a female coworker who took off nearly a month after her brother-in-law died because "her sister needed her".
I'm sorry to say that how your boss handles this is discretionary.
Now for ordinary folks like us, I gave up on the idea of hiring caregivers whether part time or full time! I give up! And maybe I pray i will never have to hire one even if another medical crisis happen. I simply know this is the era of maid-less generation. Simply put: most partime/fulltime caregivers lasts a few days/weeks only. After that you're on your own again. I've proven this time and time again. It's hard. But in my care I learn to work around it. I don't push myself to do things that I can not simply do for lack of time or money. I juggle my time among my govt job and my duty as the primary breadwinner for my family/primary caregiver for my mom. I feel soooo stressed out, drain and groggy foggy brain.. Just wanna cheer you up. some issues here simply has no other solution but for us to do it... and in the course of doing it, letting go of another. I've also toyed with the idea of resigning so that I can go full time... My polls here showed that most members of this site are willing to resign from their jobs so they can care for their parents. But I didn't heed the polls' results as I know that my job is the only means to sustain my mom's needs, expenses medications. Also my job helps me to detach from my caregiving duties and have a few hours of space for my own personal growth. Good night, just wanna send my prayers & hugs to you. Night night everyone!!
I think your parents would understand "Mom and Dad, if I don't work, there will not be any money to pay bills and to provide for food as well as clothing." I'd keep it simple.
How much longer do you think they can keep liiving on the farm?
When I was first juggling a desperately ill parent, and other issues, I was approached by a company that had had my resume on file. When I interviewed they offered me the job, and then made the off hand comment about putting my mom in a home since I would be so busy. Needless to say I didn't accept that job, and have managed to find other clients that allow me to keep her at my home. Tough economies bring out the worst sometimes, but don't let them scare you into being afraid no one else will hire you. How many others out there have gone through this?
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