My mom is 81. She moved out here to be with me from Florida in May 2011. She is a wonderful person but suffers from anxiety and depression. I have offered to help and organize trips and daily activities for her. She wants to do nothing and talks about going back to Florida all of the time. There is no family there for her to go back to. I try to keep her company - but there are times I want to do my own thing. She wants to accompany me with everything that I do and has caused strife between my boyfriend and my son because I have no time just for ME. She cannot afford assisted living on her SS income. I am just beside myself seeing her so unhappy and I am falling into a very dysfunctional situation for my own peave of mind. I am at a loss. I want to keep her safe and healthy - but I need to do the same for myself. I feel guilty when I want to go and do things for myself because I have to argue with her to have my own time... HELP!!
Since she only has her Social Security, I'm wondering if there's subsidized senior housing in your area. Your mother may be able to make friends living in a safe environment with other seniors, and you'd be able to have time for yourself (which you need), as well as your son and your boyfriend. Your mom may feel that she is too dependent, and that's why she talks about going back to Florida. I'd look into assisted living or senior housing and see if there is a comfortable setting for her. At least give it some thought, but do address the depression with her doctor.
Take care,
Carol
Is your mother getting medical treatment for her depression and anxiety? If she has had it for month and she is not getting better, perhaps it is time to have her meds reevaluated.
Of course you need ME time. Your mother's depression is a genuine illness and you need to make allowances for it, but I think you also need to set some boundaries. Maybe you could put your schedule on a calendar, and sit down with her and highlight the activities that can include her. "Wednesday morning I'm do lots of errands and I just want to get them overwith. I'll do those myself. Would you like to go to the library with me on Thursday?" Discourage the expectation that she goes everywhere with you. Be kind but firm. Try to avoid arguing. You are an adult and you can set your own schedule on your terms.
The talk about going back to Florida strikes me like the wish to "go home" many dementia patients express (even when they are home.) Perhaps what she really wants is to go back to a past that seems more joyful, perhaps to a time before the depression set in, or before she became a widow.
Good luck to your entire housefhold!
I think I will start checking places out for places like that even though she don't like to socialize, do puzzles, read nor crossword stuff. i be bored to death if all I did was sit and stare at the walls or t.v. Of course, she don't tell the doctor she sats around. I did get her out today and that's because I reminded her that the dr said it would be good for her to walk half block every other day.
Schluede, We did try one place it was like an assisted living and adult center. The mnl complained the whole time while we were checking it out. She didn't like to be kept closed and locked in a place and G
Annet, did you stay with her a few times or just left her their for I know I will not be able to that with my mnl.
Annet, to be honest, I don't think her clinic primary doctor even pays attention about her AZ, for she is all up and perky when he comes in and quits complaining as soon as he comes in too. Total different person, but once he is done she forget half of what he had said. I had to tell him again that she is staying with us. I know they get in a hurry but come on. Then when u ask him to repeat himself or explain like for ex; I was trying to see if she could get her Lipitor in generic. The nurse their said that, "Atorvastatin," was a generic. However, he said that, it has a generic name but its not does not come in generic. That made no sense to me so I asked him could he explain for his nurse said this was a generic. He still made no sense and he made some awful faces as if he got upset for me asking. Then he states that their are other meds for Lipitor but he rather not change it for he finally got her labs back to normal. The only thing that was abnormal was her blood-pressure running high and he added a new one for that and that she had another bladder infection for its hard to get her to drink water. I guess, one step at a time.
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