My mother had surgery on her left shoulder in November. My dad and I have been helping her out when we are home and not at work or internship or school. She becomes very demanding at times requesting for multiple things to be done at one time. Last time she had surgery in 2014, my father and I got burnt out. It's too much for us. She has also had a lot of surgeries since I was 9 years old. I have to get up early at least 4 days a week to be at my internship. Tonight, she requested at 10:30 that she wanted me to roll her hair up because she didn't need want to wear her wig tomorrow. She also said she wanted to have a piece of cake when my dad comes home around 11:45. I got upset and told her that I needed to go to bed early because I have internship and class tomorrow. I feel like she doesn't take into consideration what others have to do. I don't want to burn out and I want to finish during my last semester of graduate school but I'm at a breaking point. I'm also seeing a therapist.
When you get the list if it’s too much, tell her to shorten it to what you can get done in an hour or whatever time frame you have to contribute. Rolling her hair is probably hard with one only hand but should have been requested earlier. Getting cake for a diabetic at 11:45. Oh my.
There are some stylist that will go to your home. It may take some research. Call salons in your area. Ask at nursing homes if their hairstylist has free time too. Let others pick up some of the slack. She needs help but I don’t think she realizes how much help she is asking you for.
You are not being unreasonable or disrespectful. I hope she does not try to make you feel guilty because you do not have a reason to feel guilty. You have gone above and beyond to help her.
When people refer to being burned out as you clearly stated, they are exhausted. They need mental and physical rest. Please get some rest.
I have a daughter graduating this year from LSU. She also has an internship and school. It’s exiting but it’s hard work too. You are smart to acknowledge that your body and mind needs rest.
My daughter lives in Baton Rouge. We are in New Orleans, over an hour away. If she were at home though, I would respect that she needed rest.
What she expects from you is just absurd. I don’t blame you one tiny bit for getting upset with her or saying something to her. She deserved to hear that.
Did you roll her hair? What does she do if you don’t comply with her desires? You are going to have to set clear boundaries and stick to them. Your education and internship are important.
Does she treat your dad like this as well? I am sure you are both physically and emotionally exhausted. Can a caregiver come in sometimes to help?
Can your mom go to respite care through her insurance plan? What about daytime? Who is with her then? When you and your father are out.
She is taking advantage of you. Is she bored? Is she lonely? Is this out of character for her?
Can you move out? Are you able to pay rent and living expenses if you get a roommate? Think about moving away. Tell your dad you need to focus on your future.
Sometimes she will try to guilt trip by asking "Do I bother you?" or saying we took care of you when you were little. She ended up tricking me into do her hair late last night by having me curl her hair downstairs so we wouldn't have to wait for my dad to bring her upstairs.
She is very demanding towards my dad. He says she acts like a big baby. He's been firm with her that she needs to do certain things at certain times when he is there to help. My dad is there with her in the daytime and I am home in the evening. Rehabilitative care would be costly.
I do plan to move out once I find a job after graduation because you are right she is taking advantage of me.
Tell your mother that from today on, you are available until X time in the evening for whatever she needs. After that time, you will be UNAVAILABLE, period. Then stick to your guns no matter what. Getting her hair rolled or eating a piece of cake at almost midnight is blatant disrespect of your time and your need to sleep. You're not a slave and you don't 'owe' her anything. Respect is a two way street; remind mother that anything you do for her is out of the goodness of your heart and sheer desire to help her get well. It has nothing to do with guilt and not something she's 'entitled' to.
Wishing you the best of luck setting down a line in the sand with your mother and then getting OUT of there asap.