I can't be sure, however, he is increasingly having serious money problems. And when he talks when he is tired, he loses concentration rather more frequently and more profoundly. I don't know how else to describe it but its like he's lucid most days and it would SEEM like he's slowly losing his concentration/memory on some of these days and nights. He won't see the doctor because he couldn't pay for his tabs or insurance and won't let me take him, finding any excuse not to go. I have power of attorney, is this something I need to look into taking the reigns of somehow?
What sort of POA has your father given you, do you know?
Any other health problems?
If his finances are messed up, I'd try to get control quickly, before he loses a lot of funds. If he'll allow you, that's great, but, if not, you'll have to get creative and/or see an attorney about it and possibly going to court for Guardianship.
Have you observed him in his home? Is he paying bills, able to cook, bathing, have spoiled food in fridge, etc? Have you talked to his neighbors, friends, etc? Often they can tell you more, since they may see him more often and when he's not on guard.
Definitely try and get control of the finances. He will probably be grateful if he does not have to worry about this any longer.
It is possible that he does have early dementia but it could just as likely be stress or depression.
It is very possible he is getting so tired because of an underlying disease such a hypothyroid, that can be easily treated.
As we age we tend to forget things, it's just a normal process. The way I look at it, our brain is like a lot of filing cabinets all crammed with information. We get to a certain age and it takes longer to dig thought those files to find what we need. That explains why at midnight we remember something we were trying to remember at 6 pm :)
Have the doctor check Dad's vitamin levels to see if he is low on anything. Usually low Vit B12 and Vit D can make one very sluggish and slow the memory when the issue isn't Dementia. That can be correctly by taking more of that certain vitamin.
Doesn't he have Medicare? No, he goes to the VA hospital - but lately won't go unless its specifically about his heart. Always has an excuse. This last time, it took 3 pleas over 2 weeks to get him to make an appointment plus 2 missed appointments to check for mini-stroke (which he agreed, at the beginning of making these appointments, was a concern but now acts like its no big deal)
Have you observed him in his home? Yes, almost every day for 4 years. He is getting progressively worse in terms of concentration, energy and memory - but I don't know whether its a deficiency, stress, or what. Its hard to distinguish between normal aging and what I see. Since I can't get him in to the doctor, I can't reliably determine what is going on with his spiraling finances because I can't invoke power of attorney if its just Vitamin D or something of that nature.
Is he paying bills, able to cook, bathing, have spoiled food in fridge, etc? He won't talk about specifics in regards to his bills, just generalizations about how bad it is but how he can handle it. Bathing seems not as often but he's an ex-marine so its sort of automatic for him. Spoiled food, no - almost burning the apartment down by falling asleep when he burnt cookies - yes.
Have you talked to his neighbors, friends, etc? Yes, my sister lives with him but barely talks to him (another topic)- however, she is concerned because every couple of months he asks her for more money - yet his income and expenses don't change. No neighbors or friends that would have any valuable information.
Where did you get the power of attorney done?
It is also important that you find some way of monitoring his finances. That is often the first area where impairment shows. Paying a late charge once in a while is one thing, but general mismanagement can be ruinous. Don't say you want to invoke the POA. Just be curious about various aspects of his finances. Bring over your electric bill (print it out if it is on computer) and ask to compare it to his. If he is 3 months behind in paying it, tell him how easy it is to have it on auto pay. Maybe that could lead into getting all recurring bills on auto pay. One step at a time, try to get a handle on his financial situation.
The fact the he doesn't have current license tabs or car insurance may be a very good thing, as long as he doesn't try to drive anyway. If this is dementia or some other serious brain impairment he will need to stop driving, so don't help him get those items up to date!
Very early in her dementia, before it was diagnosed we noticed our mom paying some bills twice and being way overdue on others. She had a few small medical bills she couldn't figure out at all. She was grateful when one of my sisters straightened things out for her -- and then kept them straight.
My husband's dementia was sudden onset -- one day he was fine, the next day he had symptoms of moderate to advanced dementia! But when I took over our finances (we had taken turns) I realized maybe he hadn't been as "fine" as he appeared. I discovered bills stuffed under the couch cushions!
Several people in my support group had similar experiences with their loved ones. Screwing up your finances can have serious consequences.
Get dad to a doctor.
Get a handle on his finances.
Don't encourage him to update his car license and insurance.
Come back and tell us how it is going for you.
If he has dementia, this is a very trying time, because there is the resistance and insistence that nothing is wrong. If he won't let you step in with his finances, then, I'd seek a consult with an Elder Law attorney to see what options there are for you to take control. I would be extra concerned if he has investment accounts, savings, etc. that could be suffering. I'd check to see if he's struggling to manage his affairs or if someone is taking advantage of him.
Thanks for the auto withdrawal point, I'm afraid he is already doing that and its caused overdrafts and I have been unable to talk him into a new bank account because he probably knows where that will eventually lead. Hard to give up independence, alright -