My husbands stepfather is in his late 70's. He does not show any signs of dementia or alzhiemers; however he recently told his stepdaughter that he wanted to have sex with her. He did this on two separate occasions and began talking about all the women he is having sex with.
This is just totally bizarre, out of character behaviour for him - and we are at a loss as what we should do about it or if it could be an early sign of dementia.
Any advice would be much appreciated!
Naturally you are embarrassed. But this is not your behavior and not your fault. I think you only need to worry about other people's reactions when they might be hurt or particularly annoyed by his behavior. By somehow indicating what the real problem is (dementia) you may be able to ease their discomfort. But as far as strangers being judgmental goes, so what? You don't owe everyone in the world an education.
Caregivers of persons with dementia sometimes have to have a thick skin.
On the other hand, this is 2013. People drop the F bomb way too often, so everyone has heard it. When I was a wee lass, no one even said Hell! This might turn out to be one of the things you can't control, so when it happens, say "Dad! Cut it out!" then smile and shrug your shoulders and look apologetic. You will feel humiliated. Most of the onlookers will be startled but secretly amused.
As an experiment, at home, ask him if he thinks you should say "$#@^" and see what he responds. Ask him if he thinks HE should say that. I think you will learn that the real him is still there, but this language comes from a part ruled by the disease. Sorry you have to deal with this.
My daughter and I took my husband on one last cruise late in his dementia. We both carried the printed cards. I think we only handed out one. The staff were notified when we booked the cruise so it was only other passengers and shop keepers, etc. at ports of call who might need to be told. My husband had a very pleasant demeanor and he was generally a pleasure to have around. But with the inhibitions lowered so much by the dementia inappropriate talk or behavior was always a possibility.
PST: Thank heavens his remarks stay at home. He has never approached anyone and I'm not worried yet about that. It's more in line with, in Spanish, are we going to &*%$ tonight? In his right mind he would never say something like this, even to me.
What everyone else said. It sounds like dementia.
xo
-SS
What he said to his stepdaughter is not something he would normally say? He was never lascivious and inappropriate before this comment?
How's his health? Has he been tested for dementia or Alzheimer's? If not, it might be a good time to do that.
If a man who was always very proper and respectful says something completely out of line to someone I would see that as a warning sign. Keep an eye on him, see if anything like this happens again. If it does, get him to the Dr. right away if not now.
I had a patient who was always very respectful and appropriate who began to show signs of forgetfulness which was totally out of his character even though he was 90. Within a couple of months his confusion grew worse and he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He died soon after. I reported it to my superiors, noted it in the chart, and suggested to the wife he see a Dr. but she was in denial and refused to support that idea. It was only when his behavior became so polar opposite of who he was did they seek medical attention and then it was too late.
I'm not trying to scare you, just sharing an experience. But when someone's personality changes so abruptly there's usually a reason.