Thanks for any advice. My father, 89 years old recently had his wife pass away. The past 5 years myself and family have lived out of state, we are now back. A few years ago my father met a guy, mid-60s at McDonalds, later he gave him POA, had him change his will etc. Recently, I find out that in the 3 months since my father's wife passed this person has taken nearly $20,000 out of my father's account. He had my dad sign a contract for future and past expenses and is paying himself $30 per hour and his wife $20 per hour, including .54 cents per mile. He and his wife have also removed many items from my father's house. My father has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and I believe dementia. Anytime we (wife and I) have contacted this person regarding my father he tells us we have no say and that we "won't get a dime" from the will. We don't want anything, other than with the limited money my dad does have that he is medically, nursing home etc. taken care of. Anyway, we recently received a letter in the mail from an attorney who has been placed as a guardian ad litem for my father. From what I understand, this guy went to the social security office demanding that s.s. place my father's dead wife's benefits into his account... stating.. "I have power of attorney". A guardian ad litem was appointed by the court and an financial exploitation investigation started by the States' Adult Protective Services. Now this guy is filing for guardianship of my father. I have spoken with law enforcement and they can't do anything at this stage. Even though in state, my father still lives 4 hours away. we and our children would love to have him closer. What options do we have? Apply for guardianship? Are there other options? Some have said hire an attorney? I have used attorney's in the past for other matters and know how expensive they can be without positive results. Are there things my wife and I can do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We are not looking for anything from his will financially. We would like the things from the house promised to my daughters to be passed down and not stolen or go missing. We have never been in this situation before and are somewhat desperate for any information. Anyone responding, thank you for your consideration and time. And sorry, this rambles some.
That said, Your Dad at 89 years old and having only just lost his 2nd wife of 14 years, he is alone, grieving, and is extremely Vulnerable right now, and who knows what his health status is right now, as at 89, there is usually Something not working to its full capacity, and so often it is their brain! The second you found out his wife died you should have been right here by his side, helping him to figure out how he was doing, and a plan for what is next for him in his life going forward. That there was some stranger there from McDonald's just waiting to take advantage of him is So incredibly Sad. But then again, this stanger Was there, and may have been told by your Dad that he is all alone in the world, and then he and his wife took him under his wing, and he has been caring for him since May 2016. He might even be a Straight Up Good Samaritan, looking to protect your Dad from you! Your Dad, with now presumable Dementia, may very likely have told this stranger All sorts of "stories" about his life and family, some true, some completely fabricated, as often is the case with Dementia, you just never know. He might even have gone to the SS office at your Dad's request. That there is now an investigation s a good thing, as this stranger might have been told by your Dad, that YOU were a Bad Guy, had abandoned him, and Now this new Friend of his is protecting your dad from YOU!
Whatever the case might be at this point, it is important for you to hightail it to your Dad's side, and make sure he understands that you are there to Love, help, support and protect him
Does he have all his important paperwork together, POA, both Medical and Financial. A Living Will or POLST, his Will, and the designations of personal items, he (and his 2 wives) want distributed to his family and Loved ones, once he passes. At this point, I would downplay the issues about you wanting items to go to your children, and get the more important things taken care of, but you've got to be there! Are you an only child? Have you had a strained relationship with your Dad? Dementia does a number on a person all alone and grieving the loss of now 2 wives in his lifetime. He is probably very confused.
Now, with Dementia, it is going to complicate things going forward with an investigation, and the best thing that you can do is reestablish your relationship, so that he can trust you, and so that you can show the courts that you are wishing to care for and protect him going forward. Be sure to keep all the lines of communication open with everyone who is involved in the decision making process about the care of his life going forward. At 89, he will now be facing the downhill spiral that all of us face as they age, and I doubt he is interested in just being pushed into living in a Nursing home. It sounds like he has enough money set aside to care for him in a decent place for quite some time, maybe assisted living or maybe withenough home care, that he can stay on in his home for a while. But you are going to have to be there, long enough to get him established and comfortable with his surroundings.
Please tell us that you are not only interested in "things", as if that is the case, he may be better off with an outside Guardian to help him manage the rest of his money and his life.
Taking care of our Loved ones is not for Sissy's! It take a lot of work, time, and commitment, and t doesn't get any easier, only harder as time goes on.
You said he met this guy a "few years ago", well a lot can go on in a few years. He may well have formed a deep and caring friendship with this guy, and with you out of the picture, this "guy" and his family, may well have been taking care of a lot of things for your Dad, and now this guy is quite protective of him. You need to really Listen and Not Judge, before you jump to any conclusions that this guy is only out for his money! Now if it IS a blatent case of elder abuse and exploitation, then the court system Will figure it out, and get your Dad the proper care and protection.
I really hope this all works out for the best, but please, if your Dad does have Dementia, remember he doesn't know what he does or says half of the time. His mind is broken. It would be in your best interest to educate yourself about Dementia and gather as much info as you can, before you judge the situation and condemn this man, who might have been the Only person your Dad had to turn to, when he was grieving and confused. Remember, they have been friends for years now.
Your father, with Alzheimers, aged 89, his wife dies and everything is fine?
What are you waiting for?
An adult child is not responsible for the actual care of their parent, but is responsible for seeing that they are cared for, get the care they need.
Are you suffering estrangement from this man who is your father? Has it been over 6 years since you have seen him?
There must be something that I did not read, did not understand.
As a complete stranger, thinking I could get there and help before it occurs to you to even go.
I also see a possibility of criminal fraud charges as well as a suit for misrepresentation, exploitation, and other charges which I can't think of at the moment, but they relate to being a con artist, manipulation of a vulnerable adult, and conversion of assets.
In the meantime, I'd contact the police and ask how you can get a background check on him. I have a feeling this isn't the first time he's exploited a vulnerable adult.
An attorney could probably find a way to get a credit check on him as well. That might prove to be interesting.
I wish you the best in this situation. It sounds so frustrating.
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