My 86 year old father has some physical limitations due to arthritis in his back and knees. However, mentally he is as sound as he ever was. Unfortunately, all he seems to want to do is sleep. He takes (prescribed) Halcion, Norco, or Percocet PRN. Many times, I think he does this just to put himself back to sleep...although I know his pain is real when he tries to walk.
He has seen an orthopedic specialist who gave him a steroid shot in his back which he said helped for a week. However, he still spent 90% of time in his bed. We have a wheelchair, so even if his knees prevented him from walking, we could still take him out.
The only times he is out of bed is every other Monday night when a group of men come to our house to play poker, and once a week for three hours when the housekeeper comes to clean and is cleaning his room.
He quit going to Mass. He won’t go to the Senior Center or go to the K of C. We’ve bought a gym membership for Seniors which he seemed to enjoy for a couple of weeks, but then he quit going. Most days he lies flat on his back watching hours of TV. We do eat supper together, but often times he wants his meals in bed. I don’t want to not feed him, so we do acquiesce rather than have him go hungry. However, I think he needs the mental stimulation and the physical activity of being up and out of his room.
I don't know know what else to do to entice him to get out of bed! I know depression plays a part. He talks about taking a trip to England which I think would be great...if he could physically handle the flight and the tours. However, any time he is up and out of bed usually results in at least a three day period where he stays in bed. He won’t even get up to use the bathroom...he’ll either urinate in a bedside urinal or urinate in the Depends he wears.
What can I do to get him interested in life outside the bedroom walks?
I do do feel as if I am not doing enough, trying hard enough, am not enough or my father would want to engage. So, yes, I feel right or wrong, that this reflects on my caregiving.
I don’t want to make excuses, but many of the other suggestions are things that we have tried. My father’s favorite restaurant is near our house...but often time when I or one of my kids make plans to take him out, he’ll often cancel or ask for take-out. My youngest daughter is a performer in town and my older two were active in sports. My grandson is also active in sports year ‘round. My father has gone to one of my daughter’s performances in the last three years and one of my grandson’s baseball games. Both my older two played soccer in college. He never went to any games. Once my mom passed and he retired, he just withdrew.
i think you’re right...he’s tired. And one foot is in the next life with my mom. Frankly, I don’t think he ever thought he’d outlive my mom, so when things transpired as they did, he was lost.
It feels good to have someone say quit pushing and let him be.
Don't fight dad on this, but make it a happy atmosphere, and encourage him to take a ride with you.. Does he like going to the movies? Maybe find a good comedy and get some popcorn and a soda, and enjoy the show.
Last time I took mom to a movie, forget which one, but when it was totally over, she said quite loudly, "That's It? It's over?" I think she enjoyed it.
If you can get a friend with a parent to meet you, make it a foursome, your dad might like the extra company.
Play his favorite music, open the curtains, let the sunshine in. take him to local museum... my kid went to a marijuana museum last weekend. Never heard of it. I asked if they were given samples, and where is mine? No samples, but they had fun. See if your dad wants to do something funky like that..
Theres a purse museum in Little rock Arkansas, saw this on PBS. I bet he would be totally down with that :) Just saying maybe you can find something fun and different in your area that dad might want to see, or you, and you need to take dad to keep you company! That's my idea for the weekend. Enjoy your dad, have fun with him, make it as happy as you can. Laugh with him.