He has macular degeneration. He is not cooperative. We have tried to suggest alternative care options and he is very opposed to help. He cannot see but drives, has an iliostomy and needs help with cleaning ect... around his house and is gradually needing more help with this but he is angry and defensive and will not cooperate with our suggestions. How can we get him to be open to this discussion and resolutions? He wants to remain in home but will not allow for services such as cleaning ect.. and still wants to drive.
You might just back off for a while, and let him adjust to his loss of independence and skills in his own way.
However, I would ask the ophthalmologist to contact the secretary of state or similar state agency to request/order that he come in for a driving test. If there have been any incidents or accidents recently, that's a good excuse for him to have an eye exam.
Do some research to determine if your state has an assistance for people with macular degeneration. Depending on the state of it, there might be some special magnifying glasses or other devices that can be used. My father bought a special reading device for a friend who had M/D.
Was he a reader before he developed M/D? If so, you might try books on tape, something to keep him occupied and divert but stimulate his attention.
But I would really call his ophthalmologist right away, like tomorrow.
It wasn't until Mom passed that I had a "ah ha" moment why Mom didn't want any caregivers or cleaning crews... nor did she want my Dad to help her unload groceries when I had shopped for her. Mom's eyesight she was legally blind. But in her mind she remembered where everything was in the house. Thus, if someone comes along and moves an item, Mom wouldn't be able to find it.... that all made perfect sense.
Tam, how far along is your Dad's macular degeneration? If he is still able to read and watch TV, then he shouldn't have any problem with local driving, as long as his reaction time is still quick. Maybe you could check with your local Dept of Motor Vehicles and ask if there is some way they can have your Dad come in for a driver's test. If he passes the road test, then he can drive.
I think when we all get to a certain age, our health isn't the best, and our energy slides, we will become grumpy, too. Becoming older isn't easy.
My Dad mentioned he was starting to see somewhat better, which was a positive. Unfortunately, my Dad passed before the series of shots had been completed. This was about a year ago.