My father is living in a skilled nursing facility. His choice and its a place he feels safe. Money is not an issue. He was presented with other options but when it was time to proceed with them, he refused and wanted to stay there. He has done well, participating in activities and making friends. Then my brother entered the picture and for two years now, has destroyed my relationship I had with my father. Feeding his lies and telling him he shouldn't be living there. This brother has made attempts to remove me as the health care proxy and the primary contact. Lawyers have been hired by my brother for my father accusing me of spending/stealing his money (proven false). It has become so bad that my father is no longing speaking to me. He verbally abuses me and has become aggressive. The social worker has asked my brother to sit down with all of us (3 siblings) but he refuses. She also reminded my brother that all this negativity was only hurting my father. Is there any thing I can do to help my father?
Is anyone on speaking terms with Estranged Brother (EB)? Can anyone get a handle on why he is behaving this way? Is it money (the most obvious one)? Is there any evidence to back that up? Is there any evidence that he is telling your father lies, and exactly what they are? Why has your father gone along with EB and why is he not on speaking terms with you?
Where does the third sibling fit in? Does he/she go along with EB? Is he/she on better terms with your father? Is he/she still on speaking terms with EB? What does he/she think about it all?
Can you find out if your father has made a will, changed it recently eg in favour or EB, and where the will is?
You say that this has already got into the legal system once, so you should know how expensive and stressful that is, as well as not always resolving all the problems. The first strategy I can think of is to apply for guardianship for your father, and then make an application for a Restraining Order keeping EB away from your father. I am sure that you will see that the odds are stacked against you, if your father is on EB’s side and is reasonably competent. EB will probably counter with his own application. You will need your third sibling to join you, and some evidence about why EB should be kept away from your father, hence all the questions above.
Perhaps one more strategy if the will hasn’t already been changed in favour of EB, is to get a diagnosis that father is no longer competent to change it (or to sell off other assets). If money is behind EB’s motivation, blocking off that possibility might lead to him backing off completely.
Whether this is all worth pursuing probably depends on how much money is involved – or if it isn’t money, whether there is something else of real importance involved. You don't want to go bankrupt chasing this. Upsetting though it is, you may just be better off to walk away from it.
One little possibility is that things may change. EB has only been on the scene for 2 years, and he may develop something new to get interested in – like a girl friend on the other side of the country. If he does persuade your father to move out, particularly to move in with him, he may find that it is much harder than he expected and may back out all by himself. This might be the only bright side!
You have my sympathy.
Some POAs require all three to sign, but some allow any one to sign. You should check the detail of yours. If it is 'any to sign', you may be better off getting legal advice to challenge it now, relying on the doctor's certificate that he wasn't mentally competent. That probably depends on money - eg can EB sell your father's house.
However I would really repeat what I said above: "You don't want to go bankrupt chasing this. Upsetting though it is, you may be better off to walk away from it."