My mother left me as a baby, father & step mother abused me until I left home at 14 and lives on streets till i was 18.. Met my Mother 2xs in my life as a child & as an adult all the excuses why she wasn't there even through adulthood. I was a single mom of 2, now my children are grown & im grandma. My mother called 10 mo ago & states she could no longer take care of herself & if she were alone another weekend she wouldn't make it. I dropped everything in 2 days & moved to her state, took my 401k & got there @ end of that weekend. She had been in her bed for months, all her food was expired, her animals were not doing good, quit going to Dr's. Got her & the house back on track. Been paying all the bills, stocking the house, paying for all her & animal needs & for the last mo. she has started ordering things online daily.. I've spent almost all my $, can't work cause she needed 24 care and redused to have anyone else come in ( started to side hustle reselling on ebay to get some kind income). She knows I'm literally sick with stress due to $ and doing all I can to keep things going & she is getting packages daily..? I am pissed, I am so mad & feel so disrespected. My son (adult now) sold his semi truck, moved up here to help me & works his butt off physical labor & she don't pay any attention 2 what is going on.. Im diabetic, 3x cancer survivor & barely on the state insurance 2 get SOME of my medication I need. Some of it I have 2 pay out of pocket.. Am I wrong for feeling this way of her not trying to help us out where she could..I recently learned she gets SSI & Disability, she has all these months but tells me she has no $.. Then I seen a credit card bill, she spent $980 on Amazon in a week..WTF? I didn't have to come, I did have my own life, my son had his own life, own business. Honestly did not owe this lady anything but I thought it was my duty as her 'Daughter ', (even though she was not in my life), to help her when in need.. She didn't protect or help me then & sure see she don't help or protect me now.. I am so hurt & even imbarrased that my son see's it but he just tries to keep me from loosing it-- even paid for her dog and husband to be cremated and all that goes into it-- Someone pls tell me if I'm in the wrong for feeling used! She has never took accountability for herself or her actions. I've always wondered my whole life why she wasn't there for me? As a kid that screwed u up but now at 53 it still does..excuses when I was a kid, ok how about all the years I have been an adult? The 1 thing I have learned is I think God didn't let me know own as a kid cause I would have not understood but now as an adult- I see for myself she is selfish, it's all about her..Dont feel bad for me & my son & see what we have given up or how we r suffering but as long as we r here 2 take care of her & all her needs.. We've caught on she can get her drinks and food by herself, she does it when we go to bed or if we have to run errands.. We even caught her going out to the mail (for someone who can't walk barely, did good).. But as soon as u say something she put on the victim coat- she's in so much pain, she can't move, starts crying & acts out.. Manipulating? I've never been a person to look bad at someone but alot of things are not adding up.. pls someone help me with any thoughts- was I a sucker?
This is what happens when we are kind. We get taken advantage of, and I find that family can be the worse. It's happened to me. I was seriously being taken advantage of and one of the reasons was because I was POA. But not only that, once people see you are going out of your way to help, they will continue to dump on you and make your life miserable and won't care at all with what you're going through or how you feel.
I was expected to take care of aunt and her finances. When I got a caregiver for my aunt, she sent them my way to pay them. She told them I was her POA. I didn't, of course but she tried. They all did.
The whole experience left me in a state of wth? Sometimes I feel like I will need therapy because why was I the chosen one? Was it because I was a nice, decent person?
I stepped away and got my life back. I haven't heard from any of the vultures since.
Good luck to you. I hope you step away.
Yes, you were a sucker. A big one.
You owe this woman nothing. She doesn't care about you or your family. She cares about herself and is desperate because she needs a caregiver now and doesn't want it to be strangers in a nursing home. So she calls you when in truth you are a stranger to her and that's her doing, not yours.
Where was she when you were being abused and on the streets at 14?
She was nowhere because she always came first in her life.
Yes, she is biologically the woman who gave birth to you. Let me tell you something though.
Giving birth doesn't make a person a mother. The same as being in stable doesn't make someone a horse.
You're a mother so you know what it takes to be one. It takes sacrifice, responsibility, respect, duty, hard work, and most of all it takes love. A mother provides for her family even if this means going without herself.
From what you say, I don't think one word of what I've just written applies to your "mother". That is in no way any fault of yours. The guilt should belong to her, not you.
Starting today you do not give this woman one cent more and you don't pay for another thing. Give APS a call and tell them there's a sick, vulnerable, mentally ill adult living in filth and squalor who needs help. Then let them take it from there.
You are a grown woman. You're also a mother and a grandmother. You don't need this narcissistic loser in your life.
My friend, you get what you give in this life. If you give nothing (as your mother did) you can expect a return of nothing.
Don't guilt yourself over her because you didn't do anything wrong.
Call APS then walk away. Take your kids and the grand kids (I don't know how many you have) on a picnic or something. Spend some quality time with them and enjoy being a family.
You have no duty as a child to a parent, even a good one, certainly not someone like her.
Time to get your life on track and let your son have his own life as well.
I am trying to be sympathetic, but damn there was an awful lot of terrible decisions in that post.
Do yourself a favor, take the animals to the shelter, move out of her house, and get your life back. She is so not your problem.
Were you a sucker? For these past ten months?
I guess you are going to find out if you are still there when it's been a year.
Don't be hard on yourself, as you needed this time.
Now drop everything and in two days, you can relocate yourself. Maybe your adult son will come with you.
And then for you to pull your son into this mess I find inexcusable. He deserves to have his own life far away from this dysfunctional situation. So do you matter of fact.
I mean you can't make this shit up can you? I'm sorry that you had a piss poor upbringing, and that you fell prey to the narcissistic woman who birthed you.
SO....learn from your mistakes and make plans TODAY to get the heck out of Dodge.
You owe the woman who birthed you NOTHING!!!! Period. End of sentence.
I can only imagine that you like most who also grew up without a true mothers love, that you thought that by moving in and helping this evil woman that she would eventually come around, apologize for being a loser mom and give you all the love you so desperately craved as a child.
Well I hate to tell you but that seldom if ever is the way the story plays out as you are all too well discovering.
Make plans to move as far away from the woman who birthed you and call APS(Adult Protective Services) and report a vulnerable adult living by herself. They will come out and do an assessment of her situation and take things from there. And if need be, the state will take over her care.
Wash your hands once and for all of this woman, get into some good therapy so you won't allow this to happen to you or your children and grandchildren in the future and get on with living and enjoying your life.
And let this be a good lesson learned for all.
I agree with everything that has been said. Also if it hasn't been said get yourself in therapy to handle this
Your not a sucker, your a good person that wanted to help the person that gave you life, but she is not a good person.
Please cut your losses now.
Best of luck
You wanted to feel unconditional love. Completely understandable, but your not going to get it because you mom like mine is incapable of giving that.
You set yourself on fire to keep someone warm that you've only seen twice in your lifetime? So, you harmed yourself by using your retirement money to take care of a manipulator.
May you receive clarity, strength, courage, wisdom and peace in your heart.
She will find someone else to exploit soon enough. I'm very sorry you got hooked into this, but getting out is easy. Say no and GO. Then look out for yourself because no one else is going to. And that is the truth.
Good luck, and congratulations on understanding what you need to know about your despicable mom.
I'm sorry that you've been duped. But I would try to exit this situation now if you can. Get your life back. Don't let her try to guilt you into staying. She sounds manipulative as hell!