I have been married 48 years - am 73 and husband 77 - we live in the midwest and my husband still helps our son farm - live in a small town about 4,000 people - today I think I just went nutty - he goes to the farm 7 days a week - am just so frustrated being alone all the time and dont know what to do - I have kept myself busy during the weeks and years with various activities but suddenly when I see other married people together I just get so upset - we talked about it tonight but get nowhere - he just loves the farm. I have no other place to go - have just 2 kids that live in Kansas - one sister in CA whom I am not close to so there is no place to go - if I leave, no place to go - I am just so miserable in this little town plus a husband that enjoys the farm more than spending much time with me - what should I do? Just had it - he said do you want a divorce - then he says no - have no place to go to. This is not the right board - maybe you can refer me to a site that can offer me some good advice. Thanks for listening.
Sorry you are still feeling so down.
I remember a couple things from your first post. The first and most important I think is you were struggling with a continuing and/or numerous bladder infections in a short period of time. These urinary tract infections in people your age don't always have the normal symptoms as they did when we were younger. Sometimes the only symptom is they make us feel and act nutty as you put it. The infection does not even show up in a normal "pee in the cup" test. The Dr would have to do a culture on the urine sample. The results take a few days. So please follow up with your urologist to make sure you get that problem completely cleared up.
You mentioned you wanted to go see your daughter but because of the bladder infections you were not up to travel. Have you talked to her about your health problems and how you are not feeling like yourself? If not it sounds like time to talk to her or your son, whichever you are more comfortable talking to. Let one of them help you get to the bottom of the urinary/bladder problems with the help of your urologist. These infections at your age can make you confused and act and feel very, very strange. So please, please get one of your kids on board to help you figure that out.
You had mentioned a couple of other things. Others, including me had posted loads of suggestions how to fill your time. You did come back and post that you had gone to the Senior Citizens Center for lunch and had enjoyed yourself and gone back the following day.
I am sorry your conversation with your husband did not go well. If you are 100% sure your bladder/urinary infection has been cleared you mentioned your church. Being you are in a small town you probably don't want to do it but you could talk to your Pastor. He could try to help or find You resources to help you deal with your loneliness and depression.
If you are truly feeling nutty, not yourself please tell one of your children.
Your primary care physician (family doctor) may also be of help.
Is your son married? Is his wife at work everyday? I bet she or son could use some help during this busy season with their household.
Do you have a pet? Sometimes a dog or cat can provide a lot of company. Im sorry you are so bored and at loose ends. My husband travels with his work a lot. He was in Kansas not long ago in a little town. He was telling me how sparse the area was for even a grocery store. Try to get out and walk when it isn't too hot. You will feel better.
Have you considered going to the farm with your husband? Maybe you could spend a few hours working with him and see what the attraction is. I'm sure your son is glad of the help. Maybe you can plan a trip with husband when they catch a break. My mom always wanted to travel. Once when my dad had been in the hospital very sick he told my mother they would travel when he got well. She reminded him of their conversation after he had recuperated. He told her she knew that he has been delirious and out of his mind while in the hospital and that she should never have believed him.
We all laughed but she didn't think it was so funny. If your little town has a therapist make an appointment and see if you can better understand why you are in this season of discontent. Hugs
I might add that a farmer needs to grow crops too to feed the livestock.
Son actually might like dad to skip a day or two. Smile
I must have cross posted with lizzywho.
I remember the other post as well and glad Lizzy went into the UTI a little more.
I remembered the loneliness part but not the UTI.
Kansas City is where I would want to go. Great music and barbq. Nice museums. Thats where the Hallmark headquarters are located. First federal prison is in Kansas. Leavenworth. My husbands grandfather spent a year there during prohibition for selling a pint of home brew. Four little kids at home. Hard times. He worked on the farm at the prison but I think it was veggies. He was father to the 90 yr old aunt I help out. She was three when he went to Kansas. It's been awhile but she still talks about it.
I agree on the farm/ranch thing. We think of farming as raising crops. Ranching as cattle, livestock. But with that being said, around here The Ranch is The Ranch. Ranching is raising livestock more specifically cattle, along with growing hay for the cattle. But when someone says "farming" it could mean just about anything. Farming, raising crops, or beef cattle, or both, or Dairy farm.
Most of these gentlemen like my FIL and husband were born into to this occupation. It goes back generations. This life is in their blood. This life is their life. Most never retire. Some take vacations if their operations are large enough and profitable enough, to hire enough help to cover for them. I do feel for you Kss. And I am in no way not acknowledging your feelings. I understand, I truly do. I was born into this life also. It's in my blood. It is my life. My husband has a job that takes him all over the United States. I am here taking care of things with my sons assistance when he get home from his job. Some days it is all just too much.
I wish your husband was more considerate of your feelings. That part is sad. I hope more people post to you question here.
In your first post you stated you work out, you knit shawls, you have church, weekday bible study, now you are going to Senior Citizens Center for lunch, babysit occasionally for your son. You are a busy lady, but still you feel something lacking in your life.
You were having trouble navigating this site and getting back to your question. I hope someone can explain that to you.
Please follow up on the bladder/urinary problems.
Maybe someone will come along and explain the bladder/UTI dilemma better than I have.
My gosh, climbing through my family tree using Ancestry . com kept me busy for months on end. I was digging through boxes of old photos that my parents had trying to match who is who. I was able to go as far back as the early 1700's. Back then people had a dozen of children, and those children had a half dozen or a dozen, so that was a lot of limbs to climb in the old family tree.
Maybe get your son's wife [if he is married or has a significant other] or your children and sister involved. They can scan you copies of photos, etc. I found this so fascinating that a whole day would go by and I realized I never had lunch :P
You are sooo right.
Kss,
Hope you get hubby talked into going to Denver!