I’m so tired. And now I’m getting a winter cold and cough. I’m up 2-4 times. A night taking her to the bathroom. My kids help out with little things but I’m Granny’s security blanket and if I’m not around she is anxious. I can’t leave the house without having another adult here..and it’s best if it’s a woman because she won’t let men taker her to the toilet. I'm running low and feeling resentful. How do I overcome burnout? Where do I find Granny sitters that don’t cost an arm and a leg so I can get out more? And how do I get enough sleep? I volunteered to do this because my parents were leaving out of country for a year and my Aunt and Uncle could not take her. She was not doing well and they said it would probably be weeks or a few months. It has now been 6. My granny is tough as nails and is still going strong. Every time something happens...a heart attack 3 months ago, severe angina incident...my Uncle tells me to prepare for her to be gone in a week. But I know her better than that. I hate the way I think about it, but I’m so tired and now I’m getting sick. Ok rant over. Where is the aid and comfort measures for the caregivers?
can granny wear a Depends through the night? Can she use a bedside commode independently so you can rest? Is. Someone coming back to take granny, or does this appear to be a permanent arrangement?
its great that your kids help out. Mine do too. If you have some trusted friends who could provide a little respite care that would be good for you!
You could try getting a doctor to prescribe the need for an aide, and maybe get it covered through insurance? I know it all seems overwhelming!
Hang in there...
Looking forward to someone’s “departure” doesn’t cause much less guilt than finding your LO a SAFE, COMFORTABLE living site where she will receive care from TRAINED HELP.
Just remember too that there are NO good solutions, just making the best you can of the whole array of LESS than GOOD ones.
I say a prayer for caregivers whenever I can remember to do so, so consider yourself included!
If you don't take care of yourself, there are a whole bunch of people who are relying on you who you're going to let down.
Mom, Dad, Aunt and Uncle need a clear notification that they need to make alternative plans. 6 months is a huge contribution on your part and and end date must be established... by you if nobody else. Once you have an end date you will be in a better position to determine if respite services at your home will be adequate to get your through, or if she will need to move to AL or a NH for professional care.
"Tend to your own oxygen mask before assisting others". Do not feel guilt for doing so!
The sacrifices we make are done in love, but you have to consider what the right way to show love to your immediate family is first. Grandma is important, but even the bible tells us that we leave our parents and cleave to our spouse, our spouse and family come first.
I'm praying that you will be taken seriously and parents and Aunt & Uncle will respond promptly and respectfully.
She recommended Gaia brand Ashwagandha and I purchased it. While DH still woke me hourly, I found I was able to return to sleep and wake up basically refreshed in the morning. And it stopped my stress.
I am not a doctor but they only wanted to put me on Zoloft and I didn't want that - I still use the Ashwagandha and it keeps me so much less stressed.
Good Luck Ajhaderlie - and Bless You.
In addition to all the advice you have above, you might check out if there is a Home Instead Senior Care franchise in your area. They are quite active In both
the USA and the United Kingdom; and I have found them very helpful and reasonably priced in care for my wife who is ten years into Alzheimer's and still (happily) at home.
Your relatives have a choice: Help out practically to look after your grandma or help out financially. The option of doing nothing is unacceptable. Also, the responsibility for caring needs to move around the family, not rest with one person.
You have to look after yourself in order to look after your children and your grandma. It is better to make a move while you still have the energy to act, rather than to wait until you are completely exhausted.
My prayers and hopes for you
Although your aunt and uncle may not be able to carry a full load, can they stay over and handle the night duty so you can get some sleep? If not every night then at least every other night? Or cover the bill for a paid caregiver? Would your grandmother consider wearing overnight incontinence panties so you don't need to get up during the night? Would a bedside commode and some grab bars/hand rails allow GM to toilet herself overnight? Are there any other family/cousins that could rotate pulling the night duty? You may be able to find help from your local church or a retired nursing association at a reduced cost. Some retirees will help but need at least their expenses reimbursed.
If GM qualifies for Medicaid, then there are some in home services like bathing assistance and in some states a few hours a week (8-10) respite for the primary caregiver.
In any case, you need to get GM Medicaid qualified if that's possible so the LTC is funded when needed.
Recovering from burnout while still caregiving requires getting adequate sleep (even if that means taking a nap during the day when kids are at school) and finding moments to maybe an hour to enjoy the moment. My small moment is enjoying a cup of coffee on the porch or with a book. I have found eating lunch uninterrupted with my mom to be a good respite too. My favorite respite is a soaking bath with a glass of something cold to drink and a good book even if I need to take that bath in the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep. Sometimes I take a nap while a teenager does his homework/talks on the phone/plays video games and "monitors" my mom, helping her with small tasks like picking up something she dropped or taking her a cup of coffee and waking me up if Mom needs personal care. If you can manage it, try to take a 1-2 break. I found checking into a hotel room, sleeping until I woke, taking a walk or two and eating a few restaurant meals to be a wonderful break that recharged the batteries for several months. Could your aunt and uncle handle GM's care for just a couple of days?
“Uncle I’ve cared for Grandma for a few months I can no longer do it. You have until 2 months later to place her or care for her yourself. “
And make sure that a plan is in place for the care of your parents and yourself for later.
Definitely notify aunt and Uncle that you need help doing this. You need help- at least a few days for someone to help you or just someone at night so you can sleep.
I can suggest a few places to check for some additional help: your local church- ask the pastor or elders for a recommendation of someone, your grandmother’s Dr. or social worker, local university nursing student or even hospice has caregivers that look for an additional job for extra days on the side. Try to be vigilant that you can find a reliable person for grandma.
Can your grandma wear Depends or use a bedside toilet at night? If setup, you could place bedrail that she could hold and use bedside toilet herself? If you are exhausted getting up helping her, she is exhausted getting up too. Maybe on her regimen, stop drinking fluids after a certain time in the evenings... be sure not to dehydrate her but if she gets on a schedule of drinking plenty of fluids during the day, it would help the nighttime getting up to go to the restroom. Also right before she goes to bed, try to toilet her so she won’t need to keep getting up. I hope these suggestions help you! You have no idea what a blessing you are to your family!! Take care of yourself!
DO NOT GIVE UP! SOMEONE OUT HERE NEEDS A ROOF OVER THEIR HEADS...A CLEAN BATHROOM TO USE AND MOST OF ALL SOMEONE TO HELP BEFORE THEIR DAY IS DONE! REACH OUT FOR THE HELP YOU NEED...AND BE WILLING TO ACCEPT IT IN ANY FORM NECESSARY!
DR COPPERTINO
You have to tell Mom and Dad you can't do this anymore.
Her children need to fork over some money to help you out.
If they can't, won't, don't want to do this, then they need to help you do it.
Can you check with local colleges and see if you could find some relative inexpensive help that way. That's what I would be doing if I had to have my dad in my home. Get someone for 3 to 4 hours 7 days a week at g'mas children's expense. This would be good hands on for those pursuing degrees in the care fields and extra money for those working their way through college. Even if it's someone different and different hours everyday of the week. You would soon find out how many hours work well for you.
Be tough if you have to, they need to help you whether it's comfortable for them or not. It is the right thing to do.
God bless you for caring for your grandmother.
Hugs for all you do.