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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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put a space heater in the shower room and really get it hot in there. I can be 75 in the house and Mom still wants to wear gloves. If sponge bathing, do one part of the body at a time, and maybe not even all at once, and make sure the rest of the body is covered. A 'here, let me wash off your feet while we're changing your shoes," is much less intimidating than an hour long wrestling match with the shower.
I now take mom for weekly shampoo at a specific Great Clips salon. They are all aware of her condition and fuss over her, giving hugs and kisses, even if they are not the one doing the shampoo. It's now a challenge to them to see if they can get Mom through both a shampoo and a conditioning rinse...and then the noisy blow dryer (bring ear plugs)...without mom getting too upset. We had a meltdown once in the salon that wasn't fun. Now we have no problems. ;-)
my daughter comes round twice a week and has a girly pamper night with her gran this seems the easiest way to make my mum bathe but is still hard work , good luck and bless you xx
Our Mom didn't want to bathe either. She was sure that she was going to freeze to death during her bath. Never mind that is stays a constant 70 degrees in the house all the time. We just put our foot down. Uncleanliness is not an option. It helps that every visitor that comes tells Mom how good she looks. Also with Mom being bedridden her skin get really bad unless she gets her bath everyday. I make sure that she gets lavender oil rubbed all over her right after her bath too. The yummy smell and feel good time negates the it's too cold!
Before I moved to Mom's house to care for her (two of my sisters lived her supposedly caring for her)...I was told that Mom hadn't bathed in 7 months, but did right before I arrived. She wore the same clothes, but occasionally threw them in the wash. My sister finally threw them out.
At first I'd see how far she would go by herself before taking a shower, and after three weeks, gave up and just made her do it . Oh, depression contributes to this grunge behavior, so perhaps have her Rx'd Zoloft or other suitable...That made a world of difference in mom's attitude and willingness to be part of life again.
sounds to me that maybe she is a bit of a depression, and rightly so, put yourself in her shoes, it isnt fun to have to be where she is and at the same time have to rely on others to take complete control of her needs, by the way, my husband did the same thing with mom! how ironic!! He told mom she had one choice, either get a shower in the backyard with the garden hose, or do it in the shower! THat make me laugh! thanks for letting me share this with u! sometimes if dont laugh we will cry!
Once before mother started having a problem with her memory, I was driving her out to Walmart one day when out of the blue she said, "I don't think I'll be here much longer." I said, "Oh Mother, don't say that. I don't want anything to happen to you." Then she said, "How many people can say they have lived to see their children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren? Now she is in the last stage of alzheimer's and I often wonder if maybe the Lord was going to take her years ago and my words somehow held her here. I don't even know if this makes any sense. But I think about it sometimes. She has said several times when she has a lucid moment in the nursing home. "I would rather die than live like this" and I know she really means it.
Wiggy, another one that made tears fall from my eyes......Sometimes my mother also says things like that too, and they cut like a knife....I dont know if its because I would probably feel the same way, or because I just get overboiled when she says such a horrendous thing, and out of my own selfishness! I want her here! But then when I do put myself in her shoes I surely understand why she has every reason in the world to feel the way she does, but it must not be her time, and God has something in mind for her,,,,,sometimes I even get upset at him, for making our parents suffer so, just like its so unfair! I battle with this all time, and often wonder why all these drug addicts and killers and really bad people arent the ones who are made to suffer! Life just isnt fair, and there is not a thing we can do about it! and sometimes it goes way beyond frustrating, I cant think of another word to even use...........Maybe we can come up with a new word have it patented, and put in Websters, and all encyclopedia's for a deeperm more painful and heartfelt word, I tell you, some are so lucky they dont have the problems we do, or just choose not too, I am so amazed like I have said before, how kids just throw their parents away into these places, alone, scared, and never come back, to even say hello,,,,How selfish is that? Thats why I feel obligated to visit mom and other residents who dont get visits at all, and it brightens their day, like u just cant imagine, I have the time to do this, as I am disabled myself, so doing this is almost like volunteering but with a perk of having my own mom there! Its truly is amazing to see the sparkle in someones eyes when they see me coming, its such a wonderful feeling, and makes me feel that I have done something to help another, who is less fortunate than me, and who I know for sure will appreciate it, It gets me out of my own head as well, and gives me a sense of purpose...............ok thats enough if I already havent started rambling already!
Sometimes I think perhaps it's just easier for elderly folks to wear the same clothes and not bathe in the tub or shower. I know my Mom (96) tells me she'll bathe when she gets ready. Yet, she gets up everyday; after she makes her own bed she washes heself and brushes her teeth; fixes her hair. If she has worn the same outfit for a couple of days she selects a clean one. One week she wore the same outfit everyday; but she changed her underwear. She changes her own bed and does her own laundry (small load). My point is she is not depressed. But, she simply refuses to bathe the way I want her to. Last night before she went to bed she laid out her clothes for today. I'm here to help her with anything...she simply wants to do it her way! I guess.
From what I have read and been told by medical professionals, this is very common. I'd say the amount of responses to this seems to back that up. What they claim is that older people with dementia are overwhelmed by the number of things that need to be done to take a shower or bath. Thinking about it, I now understand. We need to have clean clothes, take off old clothes, run the water - not too hot or cold, have soap, washcloth, shampoo, conditioner, towels - for the floor to dry etc. If you think of it step by step, there are many little "chores" involved. For someone who is struggling with remembering all those little "chores" or who can't stay organized in their brain, showering is daunting. I know it is odd, we do it without a 2nd thought on a regular basis.
thanks to all! I learned alot just by reading what others have shared, thanks guys, as there are so many different ways of looking at things!!! that is sure true, about it becoming scary and overwhelming, and how now I can see why someone, would just want to put it on the back burner and do it later, later meaning weeks or whenever!, its frustrating for lots of reasons, and not as easy as I thought...............again putting myself in her shoes, really makes all the difference in the world! everybody is different, and now I see that it may not be depression at all, just an overwhelming task period! thanks for the other ways to look at things folks, its a bit more complicated than I thought! wow, learning alot from this site, and look forward to all comments by everyone, thanks to all!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I now take mom for weekly shampoo at a specific Great Clips salon. They are all aware of her condition and fuss over her, giving hugs and kisses, even if they are not the one doing the shampoo. It's now a challenge to them to see if they can get Mom through both a shampoo and a conditioning rinse...and then the noisy blow dryer (bring ear plugs)...without mom getting too upset. We had a meltdown once in the salon that wasn't fun. Now we have no problems. ;-)
Good Luck!
Pattie
At first I'd see how far she would go by herself before taking a shower, and after three weeks, gave up and just made her do it . Oh, depression contributes to this grunge behavior, so perhaps have her Rx'd Zoloft or other suitable...That made a world of difference in mom's attitude and willingness to be part of life again.
Once before mother started having a problem with her memory, I was driving her out to Walmart one day when out of the blue she said,
"I don't think I'll be here much longer." I said, "Oh Mother, don't say
that. I don't want anything to happen to you." Then she said, "How many people can say they have lived to see their children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren? Now she is in the last stage of alzheimer's and I often wonder if maybe the Lord was going to take her years ago and
my words somehow held her here. I don't even know if this makes any sense. But I think about it sometimes. She has said several times when she has a lucid moment in the nursing home. "I would rather die than live like this" and I know she really means it.
It is just heartbreaking, isn't it?!
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