Mom has been in denial since she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's (stage 6) 2 years ago. Since then she refused to go to any doctors, take her meds, etc. She is aggressive, and refuses help. She has been hiding it for years and finally could not hide it anymore when she started having hallucinations. She has been aggressive with her caregiving all along. She will not admit she needs help, and chases everyone away. My dad and I have been doing as much as we can for her. She gradually started bathing less and less. She won't let anyone help her. She hasn't changed clothes since before Thanksgiving and when she finally cleans a little can tell she isn't really doing much. She smells. We already tried all the tips every caregiver has given us to no avail, and she scared 3 different caregivers out of the home. She has hit me several times in the last 2 years. She bruised me pretty bad all up and down my left arm and leg in the summer. I have never hit her back, but it usually turns into a struggle as I grab onto the broom or whatever object she has to keep her from hitting me with it. She is little but strong, and ends up pulling my neck and shoulder out of place. I have spoken with a lawyer and got some legal advice from him. Also my dad refuses to put her in a nursing home. He finally admitted yesterday that maybe that was the best option,after she threw a glass plate at my daughter and hit me with vacuum cleaner hoses and threatened my dad's driver as well. But today he was second guessing that again. We want to know, since Mom would not willingly go to a nursing home, is there any way to get her in one without having the state drag her away?
I thought she would fight them badly, but you know what she did?
I stepped aside when the ambulance guys arrived
The man asked her how she was feeling and she made the circular motion with her finger at her ear - as in "coo-coo" ... and climbed on the gurney. (she knew the jig was up)
It was the ONLY way to get her placed. Please do this... omg it is so hard on you , but they did all the bloodwork i couldnt get done, got her on meds, and from there she went to a home. All of which i couldnt do.
Please , it is only going to get worse... yes it is the hardest phone call to make and the days after where she will be fighting in the hospital are painful- but you have waited too long... there is a lot that needs attending to now.
I'm with Pam about calling 911 next time she gets out of control; those handsome EMTs can be mighty persusive with elderly women!
It sounds as though you all haave a film- noirish picture in your heads of what might happen if "the state" steps in. Is this dad imagining this? Can you allay his fears a bit?. Even if a nonfamily member is appointed guardian initially, this can be changed back to family once mom's behavior is more reasonable.
Can you convince her to go visit a facility? Just at a visit the staff can talk to the person and make it seem like a good choice. They start by asking questions that invite the person to want to join in. For example, they might ask, "Is there any reason that you couldn't come to breakfast by yourself in the mornings?" My cousin said no, that she could come by herself with her walker. They asked her would she prefer cold cereal or eggs for breakfast. She answered. They asked her if she ever needed help washing her back. And if she liked getting her hair styled. They had one on premises. She said yes, that would be helpful. And so on. By the end, she had a good idea of how she would benefit and fit in. She said that day. I went home and packed her belongings and took over there later.
I will also add that as long as she is combative and violent, placement is going to be difficult. They may want her to be in the hospital to get meds adjusted first.
My loved one was very opposed to Assisted Living too, but her doctor and I convinced her to go. She was able to think the Assisted Living would be a good rehab for her to get her memory and strength back. It sounds like your mom might be past that point though. Still, if she were more calm, it might be an easier sell.
I would most likely locate a Secure Memory Care facility in your area, visit it and discuss what they need to get mom registered. They deal with this kind of thing all the time. They may not accept her if she is violent though. They may be able to offer you some good information and tips on how to get her admitted legally.
In our case, the court evaluator recommended Guardian status and NOT bringing mom into court, for obvious reasons. The evaluator said he spent two hours of listening to her ramble and not answer his questions. He was very kind and did not upset her in any way. We were not present at the interview, but the Head Nurse at her facility was.
Mo needs a medical and cognitive eval for NH admission. She might need a memory care unit within a NH. Can you all get her evaluated?
Best of luck
Are you making reference to "means to pay" or something else that I'm not familiar with.,