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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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The easy answer, which I personally cannot seem to do, is to stop responding to said button pushing. If it doesn't work anymore for them, there's no payoff. Now how to have a robot installed for your brain so you can not respond while they wear themselves out trying to get a reaction I have no idea.
I had a therapist years ago who taught that if you don't have the velcro for it, comments from others won't attach. When words/actions from another get to me, I look into myself for the cause. My older sister still criticizes me at age 78, with a masters degree, 25-year teaching career, financial stability, long marriage, many friends, 3 successful daughters and 8 grandkids I'm helping through college. When I hear her judging, personal comments directed my way, I put Teflon over my childhood Velcro and let her comments go right by me. Still, it would be good if she'd stop.
I have notelets plastered everywhere to remind me not to get triggered. A picture of carousel horse = don't get into arguments that have no end. It's not Mac it's the Dementia (though sometimes it's Mac, D doesn't get all the credit. A picture of a button with a huge smile Ok, it doesn't always work, like today when he wound me up in the garden. But there are times when it does. Then I give myself a tick. 5 ticks = a small treat piece of candy, special shower gel & 2 extra minutes in the shower. Little things mean a lot :~)
You are asking how to control somebody else's behavior. That is a tall order, and not one you may be able to fill. I think that is why everyone is suggesting you work on it from your side. Figure out "How can I stop responding when Mom pushes my button." That one is pretty tough, too, but you are far more likely to be able to control your behavior than your mother's.
Curtain said it best. I can't think of any better way other than to sever the wire between the button and your brain. That way you'll not be bothered by either intentional or unintentional button pushing. It's a lot easier to SAY sever the connection than it is to actually do it.
Button pushing is I think a manipulative tactic of controllers, who enjoy seeing the reactions they can create in others. They feel that sense of control when they can manipulate someone.
My sister told me never challenge or argue with a controller; doing so just feeds his/her need and he/she feels more empowered - it's kind of like throwing chum out in a shark field. The sharks don't get satiated, they just want more chum.
That is a great way of putting it, rakshita. I had never thought of it that way. And it is true. I am very sensitive to belittling remarks because I have never had much self confidence. It is my Achilles tendon button. What your therapist said makes perfect sense to me. I try to put some fake teflon on, but it doesn't really work inside of me. I don't know why some people have the need to belittle others and how they seem to be able to pick out people it will bother.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
A picture of carousel horse = don't get into arguments that have no end.
It's not Mac it's the Dementia (though sometimes it's Mac, D doesn't get all the credit.
A picture of a button with a huge smile
Ok, it doesn't always work, like today when he wound me up in the garden.
But there are times when it does. Then I give myself a tick. 5 ticks = a small treat
piece of candy, special shower gel & 2 extra minutes in the shower.
Little things mean a lot :~)
My sister told me never challenge or argue with a controller; doing so just feeds his/her need and he/she feels more empowered - it's kind of like throwing chum out in a shark field. The sharks don't get satiated, they just want more chum.