father raised 7 kids alone never said i love you and we all pretty much gave him trouble oldest sib is 62 or 65 i'm 47 the youngest. he is stuck in his day and age and still has the tendency to tell us what to do with our lives and or grandchildren and if we dont listen then he is disgusted and loses respect or something. i'm learning to speak up respectvely and its working. we have a good relationship. dad has a need to take control of everyones plans when visiting from afar which is ok one day or night not the entire visit so over the years my siblings put up w/it and it led to doing things behind his back and not being up front. i say let him know your own plans too and if he has a problem well least you were honest. dad is seeing his child raising mistakes which is never to late. no perfect parent right? i just want m siblings to give honest and understanding a chance before its too late. being the baby well you know. i should just stay out of family business according to oldest sister whos 60ish. when i was young i thought he was mean but no he was just trying what he thought was right or the best. You kinda follow me?
It sounds like your approach to your dad -- to respectfully disagree and be honestly yourself -- is working well for you. That is good for you. You are getting benefits that your older sibs might be missing out on. On the other hand, they have figured out ways of dealing with Dad that work for them. Maybe a change would be healthy or improve their relationship, but it is not something you can do for them. You can talk about what is working for you, but I think I'd avoid telling them what they should do. (I know what I'd tell my baby brother if tried to tell me what to do! :) )
You might advocate on their behalf, now that you have an improved relationship with Dad. Get him talking about when he was in his 60s. Ask him about his relationship to his parents then (if they were still alive). How would he have reacted to them planning all the details of his visits to them? Did your grandparents ever try to tell him how to raise his kids? How did he react to that?
It would be nice if all 7 kids came to have a loving, accepting relationship with Dad before he departs. You can talk about your relationship and you can share your new insights. You can perhaps advocate for less controlling behavior from your father. It is kind of you to be concerned. But ultimately you didn't make the relationships that exist now, and you can't fix them. The most you can do is create conditions where change has a better chance to occur.
Good luck to all of you!
Your father's parenting skills, no doubt, got better as he aged. Otherwise you'd share your older sibs' perceptions, experiences, and reality as it relates to Dad. In their world, he dictated; they were conditioned to carry out his orders. In yours, it's a lot easier to stand up to him -- being the "cheche" (baby) might have something to do with it. They resent you for apparently sucking up to him; and resent him for still telling them what to do after all these years. Until they figure out how to speak their minds without recriminations, not much is going to change between them.
Whether older sis likes it or not, their business is your business too. The best way to keep them from calling you a "metiche" (meddler) is to remain objective and avoid taking sides. The trick is not to get burned during the crossfire, so be ready when they kiss, make up, and gang up against you. Happy trails.
-- Ed
One thing I have learned over the years is that you cannot change anyone's behavior. You can only change how you preceive and deal with it. Your sibs have found a way to cope with his controlling nature, so unless they are doing something devious or illegal to you or your father, let them do their thing. Perhaps your Dad's need to controll was his way of keeping you all in line as you were growing up. Now, it is just annoying to your sibs.
Family dynamics are so interesting to watch as we all get older. I have learned to "pick my battles" and let the rest fly. Good luck