My grandma is showing signs of dementia, and her doctor won't listen. She changes her colostomy bag, she used to use gloves and washed her hands, but she refuses anymore. We have been telling her to make sure to do that. She gets really defensive and angry and says that germs won't spread because "she was a rn and knows what to do". She will start insulting us. We forced her to use gloves again, but she has leaks alot and gets covered in shit. Pardon my language. She won't bathe, wash her hands, anything. Then she starts touching all the food and its disgusting. My husband talked to her doctor about it but the doctor doesn't care! What can I do about this? A few months back she broke some ribs and had an O.T. come out, she lied to O.T, says she takes showers and sponge baths when she doesn't at all. All she does is lie around in bed all day and night. Why won't anyone listen to me and my husband? I don't know what to do and I have to throw out all the food she touches and we pay for it! Help!
I would try to find an excuse to call 911. Certainly the next time she falls or has a physical problem and refuses to see a doctor, I would call the EMTs. Once she's in the hospital, you can talk to the discharge folks about a suitable placement for her.
It's not easy and it's not as neat and simple as this description makes it sound. But you are going to get ill with E. Coli or worse.
If it were me, I'd call the doctor myself and get the OT back in, too, for good measure. Something's going badly wrong - properly managed, there shouldn't be leaks, or only infrequently anyway; plus you've noticed a major change in her behaviour - and it's not good enough for the doctor to shrug it off.
Meanwhile, try not to give her a hard time about it - not because I blame you, I'd want to run round in circles screaming my head off, but because the more defensive and ashamed she feels the less she'll listen to you and things will just get worse. See if you can find out the reasons for these changes, best of luck.
Do you know how long she's been mishandling the bag? It may have been going on for a while and you didn't notice. Before my cousin was diagnosed with dementia, I observed her pick up dirty kitty litter, go to the bathroom and wipe her nose, then start to prepare food for me to eat in the kitchen WITHOUT washing her hands. I watched. I interrupted and told her what I had witnessed and she said I was wrong and that she had washed her hands. I told her that I would not be able to eat what she prepared if she didn't wash her hands, but she still refused........ So, there is no reasoning with them. The only option will be to take control over the changing of the bag. That will likely mean constant supervision.
I wish you and your family all the best. It's a very tough thing to go through.