Grief: Is it normal to feel like this?
I have, once again, be away for a long time... I am back to ask for some opinio/advice since I really do not know whom I can share this with. You have always been so supportive... and my therapist had a baby, she is on maternity leave and I do not feel like looking for a new one.
My mom passed away on the 7th July, after a month of agony.
Now, I sometimes have nightmares, cannot sleep properly, What is really strange is that I am afraid of everything even of things I once enjoyed like driving or hicking in the mountains. Moreover, I do forget plenty of things and got very often the bad words, The other day I said "University" instead of "highway" ! Just to make an example.
We spent some days on the mountains, my husband and I, which I was longing for : but I was crying every evening, no matter where we were so, for instance, on the last evening I was crying in the restaurant ! Silent tears rolling down my cheeks, but on the 2nd evening I was sobbing saying I wanted to go back home !
I feel so tired but I am not able to sleep.
I am looking for something to help me feel better... but maybe I just need time...
8 Answers
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i am so sorry to read of the passing your mom. It can be so devastating. As others have said this is just part of grieving.
i have sadly lost my father (in 2009) and my mother (in 2020) and both times (this may sound odd and selfish) but there was a feeling I had that I could almost physically feel which was that with each passing there was one less person in the world who truly loved me. I know a selfish thought but it was part of how I felt. I still have nightmares about my parents. Most are guilt related etc and they are awful. I also find that I have trouble speaking the right words at times, I will get overly anxious over things that would never have made me anxious prior to my mother’s passing. And even doing things like organizing my mother “estate” seems an impossible task. The moment I sit down to start it if something is missing or a step is not as straightforward as I assumed it would be my mind just stops and I can no longer work on it. This is so not like me but I assume it is grief related. All of this to say that we all react to grief differently at different stages of grief. It is all normal. Try not to worry too much about how you are feeling this loss is very recent for you it all sadly takes time. Be gentle with yourself and let yourself feel what your body, mind and heart need to feel and try to move forward a bit a little at a time. There is no schedule to correct time that grieving should last we are all different.
i am so sorry for your loss. I pray that things get better for you soon.
God bless.
My mother died on July 26 -- 2021 -- and there isn't a day that goes by that I'm still not grieving the loss. I'm also just as raw over my dad's death in 2018, but I never really had the time to grieve, because Mom's care took all my energy.
Grieving truly is a process and it takes time to get past, because it isn't just the loss of someone you loved that you have to adapt to but also the new reality of living a completely different life without them in it. It's a lot to take in and process.
I suggest reading the book "Healing After Loss," by Martha Hickham. You read just one page a day, so it isn't too much to take in. It's a year's worth of readings, and you start on whatever date you want. It's a very helpful book, and you should look into a grief support group if you continue to feel overwhelmed by it.
thank you for your advice! I am going to buy the book and look for a mutual aid group. I will check if there is one nearby.
What you are going through is grief and stress as it was just this past July. If you were older I would say it was just normal age decline. Both my partner and I sometimes can't find the right words to use and we just poke fun at each other for doing it. It can make for interesting sentences.
Like you said, maybe you just need time.
I think you should speak to your doctor about the insomnia you are experiencing. Grief is a natural part of loss, but when it extends into insomnia which includes memory loss (from lack of sleep in my opinion), it needs to be medically addressed and corrected with medication. At least for a while until the rawness heals a bit and you're back to some sense of stability. I had a traumatic experience when I found my birth family in 2000 and was unable to stop crying, could not sleep, eat, or function in the most basic of ways. I was also very hyper sensitive to noise; if I heard a kitchen cabinet door shut, I was jumping out of my skin. That's known as a heightened 'startle reflex'..........I was easily startled, which is a sign of anxiety. The doctor put me on Paxil and it was as if a switch was turned off in my body and mind; I was finally able to sleep again and to FUNCTION as a human being. I was able to think clearly again and to remember things, and to put everything in my life back into its proper perspective, which I had lost the ability to do. I was hyper focused on death and fearful of everything, feeling convinced I was dying or that something horrible was about to happen to me. All part of PTSD or bad anxiety, that the Paxil cured for me, thank God.
Reach out to your doctor b/c this has been going on for nearly 2 months now. You need relief. Sometimes our bodies and minds are working overtime and need help to calm down. I know mine did.
Wishing you the best of luck finding relief from this anxiety.
I will also ask he an ordonnance for having a check up, especially for my thyroid (Hashimoto),
Reading your answered helped as I feel understood and less lonely,
Un abbraccio
Above remember the good times you had with your Mom. She knows that you did the best you could in caring for her. Remember that she loves you and wants you to live a full and beautiful life and enjoy your child and husband. Be at peace. The sun is still shining and once you get some sleep and it's rays will brighten your days again.