She had a massive bleeding stroke in the interior of her brain, she is 88 years old and is said to be terminal. Family is trying to follow her health care directive and tenets of her Catholic faith. It has been over a week since she last had hydration or nutrition. Palliative care doctor and priest in hospital said that because of her condition putting tube in stomach, she cannot swallow, would be burdensome and only extend her suffering and not change final outcome. I understand this, but they are not slowly watching her die.
So YES comfort care is a hard thing to do, but if there really is no hope, I think it is for the best. I prayed and prayed and God finally gave me peace about it. So don't feel guilty if it is the best thing for her, she wouldn't want you to. My thoughts and prayers are with you...God Bless!
To intubate for fluids and nutrition would mean to watch her die more slowly. Your mother has already decided what she wants. I can attest, from watching my own mother through this process (who literally and consciously chose to stop eating and drinking), that it's a less painful way to go, than providing mechanical means of continuing vital functions.
Talk to her. Tell her it's ok. Get over your guilt any way that you can, so she believes you, and tell her plainly, that it's ok to to let go and leave. You'll miss her, she'll always be in your heart, but she doesn't need to stay for YOU.
And, actually .. yes, the doctor and priest ARE watching her die, along with you. And they do it all day, every day. It's what they do. Trust them.
Kiss her goodnight and say good-bye. It's the hardest ... and kindest ... thing you'll ever do.
I've been through this and it is gut wrenching to witness; but I did find solace in the fact that I was able to facilitate comfort for my mother and allow the natural process of passing. So many of the elderly are alone in their suffering with no advocate. I hope you can find peace in the knowledge of helping your mother when she can't help herself. There is no guilt here; just love and understanding.
Hugs to you and take care.