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I have been caregiver for my Mother-in-law for almost 2 years now and she has never come right out and asked someone who they are when she did not know them. I have a sister-in-law who recently is acting like she has dementia, however, when she sees us (been her sister-in-law for 30+ years) she asks everyone in my brother’s family who we are and then says she is happy to meet us. She tells tells me my brother has taken her to her mom and dad’s grave and so on and so forth. She is on a lot of meds for various health reasons. My question is have any other dementia caregivers had their loved one ask who someone is if they don’t recognize them? My MIL doesn’t want anyone to know that she doesn’t recognize them and has never asked someone who they are, we were at my sister in laws granddaughter wedding yesterday and she asked EVERYONE who they were and told them she was glad to meet them. I’m wandering if this is all med induced.

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That would be Elwood P. Dowd - James Stewart in "Harvey". Do not get her any business cards, otherwise she will be inviting the people she meets to come for dinner. Which in my opinion is not a bad thing.
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Reply to MTraver
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MamawT: This could be deemed commonplace for individuals with dementia.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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My husband has Dementia, and doesn’t recognize everyone, he will treat them as a new acquaintance. As a caregiver, I have learned to follow the Dementia reality as reasonably possible, trying to bring the Dementia person into your reality is futile.
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Reply to LizDewey
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Both ways of behaving are common for people with cognitive decline. So please don't worry on that score.

Is there another reason that you are worried this is something avoidable, such as side effects of the meds she's on? For example, has the loss of memory come on suddenly?

However, this may seem uncharacteristic to you, whereas her close family may have seen the changes happen over a period of time. People in our extended family saw my mum on good days, so some relatives were shocked when Mum started to exhibit more obvious dementia traits.

If your SiL hasn't been evaluated for dementia, then it could be something else, but please be assured that both your SiL and MiL are handling their memory loss in classic ways, just differently. There is no one way with dementia, and unpredictability is really the only certainty.
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Reply to MiaMoor
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Yes, to all of the above. Not to worry. I don't have dementia that I know of, however, I can/will do the same thing.

I've also had people come up to me and say they met me at such/such place and I never have been there or even close. I often wonder if I have a doppelganger.

That's life. Unless they are causing trouble, go along with it, and allow the other person to keep their pride and enjoy/make the most of, the interaction.
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Reply to ChoppedLiver
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The brain works differently for different people with dementia.
It depends what stage they are in - and a multitude of other factors.

I would change the question to something along the lines of 'why does this bother you" however a person inflicted 'wants' to handle their communications / changing brain.

Does this behavior trigger you?
Or are you asking how to handle it ?

A person with dementia may well ask everyone who they are.
If they are at a level of knowing they do not know, they may feel deep embarrassed and try to hide it -

The key is to support the person to stay calm however you can.
And I would encourage you to process how their behavior affects you personally.

Gena / Touch Matters
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lealonnie1 Jul 25, 2024
In reality, who would this NOT bother? The OP is asking a simple and fair question about her SIL who appears to have entirely lost her Memory for people she already knows, which is extremely odd. Is it medication related or dementia, she's wondering. And you're asking her if she's "being triggered" ?

This bothers the op because she loves and cares about her SIL and it hurts and scares her to see the woman going down such a path.

Have you never had a LO "afflicted" with dementia????? We are all personally upset by witnessing their decline, btw. Just sayin.
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My Mom is 93 with vascular Dimentia . When we’re out at events, mostly restaurants now, people will come over and want to talk to my mom . It’s usually someone who worked with her at the college she worked at until retirement . I know she doesn’t know them , but o don’t think they realize she has no clue who they are . If I don’t know them , I’ll say , I’m her daughter and who are you and how do you know one another . My Dad before he passed , would just call every Bud and carry on a conversation like he knew them. When he passed, no one really knew he had Dimentia even their church friends .
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Reply to Kpel1221
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My 92 year old mother with Dementia also asks “who are you”, “what’s your name “ and these are her granddaughters. She says nice to meet you.
It took my daughter by surprise at Christmas when she came home to see us. She was sad that her Grandma didn’t know her. But it’s the disease.
so yes, that is something a person with Dementia says.
Good luck
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Always check medication side effects. My daughter was given eight different meds at one time - and her personality changed - I went through each medication side effect and tossed the ones I felt she really did not need. She became herself again and now before we buy any medication we go through the side effects and just say "NO" to the ones we believe we can live without. Talk to the doctor just because they prescribe them doesn't mean you have to take them. I personally look up side effects right in front of my doctor - the first time I did that she was a bit put back - now we do the side effect search together. I have told my doctor no a couple of times and she has her argument and I have mine. You can also ask the pharmacist - they can help you in comparing side effects too.
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Reply to Ohwow323
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Is MIL diagnosed as having dementia?
If so, then this is common. In fact dementia patients may forget even husbands and children.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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this is common .
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Reply to KNance72
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I posted a day or so ago about my husband's end of life situation now. When he was still walking and talking, and we would go to restaurants, (the last 6 months-2 years), he would get up and walk around to tables, talking to people he didn't know. At one restaurant, they even asked us to leave. He had mild cognitive decline, but subsequently, his neurologist diagnosed dementia from normal-pressure hydrocephalus. I personally think it had to do with the part of the brain (like frontal lobe perhaps) affected by the dementia.
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Reply to wildgrape7
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Anxietynacy Jul 21, 2024
Welcome wildgrape, hope to see more of you
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I think you SIL needs a good work up. It may not be denentia, it may be her meds. I would want to know what I am dealing with here.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I have seen a man in his 90s ask his children who they are, and after , they told him, they were his children, he said, oh, isn't that nice! It was so sweet.

I don't think it's uncommon. We are all different as people, so when are brain is dieing we are all different also.

To me it's actually kind of sweet
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