My husband passed away after a brief illness almost 8 months ago. I know that I was distracted for the first several months with a lot to do, and now that things have settled down, it's mentally more difficult. We were married for forty one years and our marriage bond was extremely solid, even though at that point we fought constantly and there couldn't be two more opposite people. He always had low level depression and was overweight pretty much since we met. He also had major positives that you rarely see in a person if ever. He was an extremely good provider and left me financially secure. There wasn't a stronger Christian that I know of, and was just fine going to Heaven. Is there any suggestion that I could keep in mind to do daily so when I do become extremely sad and not caring about much, would help? Thinking about him makes it worse and my Dr prescribed something already when he was in hospice that I still take.
I agree that a support group would be helpful, online or in person. Hospice can usually point you in the right direction. They also offer bereavement counseling. Maybe your church has something, too.
Be kind to yourself, don't expect too much in terms of "getting better." It's a process that doesn't move in a straight line.
The reason I bring this up is that it is worth discussing this medication now with your doctor. Some anti-anxiety medications cause depression as a side effect, and this could be contributing to your sadness.
Other than to say that, and that I am so very sorry for this loss for you, I will say that you are still honestly, for the first year at least dealing with the newness of loss. You are absolutely correct that the having to do so many things is protective in many ways in the beginnings of grief.
You are so very realistic about all you shared, about the relationship challenges that any and every marriage has. I believe it will take a good deal of time, and meanwhile I believe you will change to more celebrate what you had, and will slowly branch out to make a new life for yourself. But if I am wrong do consider seeing someone to help you through grief-work. Sometime Licensed Social Workers in private counseling work are best at this, as they do life transitions work.
I surely do wish you the best.
You've lost your husband of 41 years. That grief cannot be rushed, but must be felt if you're wanting to be whole again.
I would recommend joining a grief support group like Grief Share or the like. You can Google to see if there are groups in your area. Since your husband was under hospice care they too offer grief counseling for a year at no charge.
I also recommend the book Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief, by Martha Whitmore Hickman.
It's a book that takes you through grief one day at a time, which to me as a widow as well was very helpful as I knew my grief couldn't and shouldn't be rushed.
My husband of 26 years died in Sept. 2020, and I read that book daily for over 2 years. It wasn't until this January that I felt I no longer needed to.
I still miss my husband every day, and there are days I still get teary eyed talking about him, but life does go on and things do get easier.
But you must give yourself time and allow yourself to feel the loss. I'm a firm believer in when a moment of sadness hits you to just sit in it and feel it. There's something very freeing and healing in doing that.
I think it's when we try to rush the process and try to push down our feelings or hide them that we actually prolong the grieving process and hurt ourselves in the process.
So take your time, cry when you need/want to and know that in time things will start to look and feel a little better.
God bless you my dear.