I live hours away, in a different city from Grandfather. It's hard to tell if he is declining mentally or falling into bad (and sometimes hurtful) habits. He often posts on social media when he has a "crisis", which is when he has any negative emotion or event (lonely, sad, angry, in pain). He often deletes posts soon after. He is in AL and safe.
I'm going to restrict how many of his posts I see to maintain my state of mind, and I've told him I will check in once a week. I'm thinking about sending him a DBT workbook in the mail, or printing free worksheets and sending them over time (which would add something for him to look forward to?). If he is still well enough mentally, I think it would help a little (he's between therapists and says they're "unhelpful" but won't go into detail.)
But even if he is not all there, having the book or worksheets may be a good redirection to help him self-soothe? If he's in an emotional spiral or acting out, I could say "It seems like you're having a hard time. Maybe you could do some worksheets/ your workbook for a while and we can discuss it when you're calmer".
Any advice or thoughts? I'd also be open to other books that have helped relationships with aging family members (keeping them in the loop if possible).
Description
Dialectical behavior therapy is an evidence-based psychotherapy that began with efforts to treat personality disorders and interpersonal conflicts. Evidence suggests that DBT can be useful in treating mood disorders and suicidal ideation, as well as for changing behavioral patterns such as self-harm and substance use.
I think it's truly a stretch to believe your grandfather will be interested in doing DBT workbook sheets. You can give it a try, but don't get your hopes up. What may be a better thing to do is get him a full medical evaluation by his doctor, including a cognition evaluation to see if he's going down the dementia highway right now.
I will also say that if grandfather is cutting himself or threatening to commit suicide, I'd notify the RN at his AL and request that he be taken by ambulance to the ER the next time he posts or utters such a threat, or evidence is seen that he's cut himself, or harmed himself in any way. Once at the ER, he'll be given a psych evaluation to see where he's at with his mental illness and what meds, if any, are required to stabilize his mood.
Best of luck.
Realize that grandfather is living in a different reality from what he was before. It's also different from your own reality. You're thinking of what you want to be true - getting him back to his previous "normal" or whatever. You're at a different stage of life than he is, and unless he is threatening to harm himself or others, it might be best to let him transit this stage in his own way. He's not going to understand your viewpoint any more than you understand his.