I had lost 12.7 kilos (2 stone) when my 96-year-old mother fell last November. Since looking after her, I’ve put nearly all of it back on. Mother is failing mentally, eats 3-4 meals a day. I’m lucky if I have one. I just grab something when I can. She will always be dependent. My whole routine is out of sequence as I spend so much time with her. I miss my husband, I miss my 2 dogs, I miss my grandchildren & I miss my routine. I’m 66 and have my own health issues. Anybody else in the same boat?
The way I look at it is, we didn't get drunk or smoke or use drugs to cope, we ate a bit too much food, that's all! Now is a good time to look after ourselves and get back to healthy eating once more. Give yourself some grace, you deserve to.
Best of luck
6 months ago I was still able to really take care of myself. Then I slipped (there was too much stress), and it’s been downhill in self-care. I can be an example of what not to do.
It’s unusual to lose weight when stressed out (the majority of people put on weight). People who are very sad, sometimes lose their appetite, lose weight. But - stress - normally makes you put on weight.
Let’s all lose this extra weight.
I gained over 60 pounds in 9 months, and learned the true medical meaning of insomnia.
After 9 months, we placed her in a very fine local residential care center, where she lived happily for over 5 years until her death. I visited every day.
Several years later I lost 115 pounds, and have maintained my loss for about 9
years, to this date.
My mothered did not thrive in my home, even though my care was better than her ability to care for herself previous to her fall.
She did thrive in the residence where she spent the last 5 years of her life, and passed peacefully at 95.
How discouraging to put back on the ~28 pounds you'd lost. Why did you have to become your mother's caregiver when she fell? Do you have siblings?
There has got to be another way, don't you think? As you write, you have your own health issues. Why should you compromise your own quality of life for your mother?
You seriously need to make some changes. You can NOT be the only person that takes care of your mother. It's too much and you are neglecting your husband, kids and grandkids. And most importantly - YOURSELF.
You should consider getting some hired help for mom ASAP. Maybe someone that can come a few days a week for 4 hours. That would give you a break and allow you to live at least some of YOUR life.
Your health, your routine, your hubby - they're priorities. Your mom is important too but you are not the only one that can help her.
My caregiving peaked during the pandemic and I gained a lot of weight. Combination of reasons: stress eating, broken sleep from my mother waking me, lack of exercise because hockey was suspended, using more prepared foods just to get meals on the table for her, and my own family. I’ve set myself a goal of getting my strength and wind back over the summer to be back on the ice next fall. I miss the intense workout.
Crud, now I’m depressed. Please pass the cookies. No, wait!
We’re doing the best we can. Let’s not berate ourselves. We have mothers and MILs for that. 😉
You can not and should not put your life on hold to care for your mom.
She can not live alone any longer.
so the options you have, some not so great are...
Continue as you are. Not fair to you or your family.
Bring your family to live with mom. Again probably not fair to uproot the rest of your family.
Bring m om to live with you. Again probably not fair and adaptations might have to be made to your house to accommodate her as she declines.
Look for a Memory Care facility near you so you can visit. She will be cared for 24/7/365. She will be safe. And you can resume the role of daughter not as her caregiver.
oh, I guess I did not answer your main question.
Some people gain, some lose. It depends on how you personally handle stress and deal with the changes that are happening.
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