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Annabelle18
My Mother is exactly the same but she made it through hip surgery and a fractured pelvis. She is 96. She now uses her walker! At some level at the age of 95 and beyond it is a sort of blessing when they pass away. My heart breaks for my Mother as I know she wants to go. Everything she does is an effort and my husband and I would be so thankful if she did pass. I hope that doesn't sound too weird but it's honest. This is never easy and it's the frustration of caring for them so much that when they don't listen to you you lose it. I could write a book about what we've gone through in the last 16 years, yes 16 years, after my Father passed. Everything you wrote is so spot on, thank you for sharing!
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Don’t beat yourself up. Dealing with our aging parents is difficult. I help with my mom who is only 82 yrs old but has many medical issues, full body pain being the most significant. My sister and I used to get upset with her when mom would not use her walker. Mom does not think she is that unsteady. We have tried explaining that if she fell we would not be able to pick her up(too heavy for us) that if she does not want to use the walker then it is her choice to have EMTs to come when she did fall. Also we told her if she fell and got hurt that she would have to go into a facility because we would not be able to physically care for her. After telling her this over and over, mom now uses her walker 90% of the time. We got to the point where we said do what you want but know the consequences. Leaving it as her choice I believe is what made her start using it. She even bought a smaller walker for her suite to use at night when going to the bathroom. That was progress!
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I don't care how old someone is or what is wrong with them - that does not excuse abuse, plain stupidity and stubbornness. I too would have totally exploded - especially if this was not the first time - the results could be catstrophic and will fall on you. You don't deserve this and the person has to be made to do what is necessary. You are human and a caretaker and doing all you can and you care. Being sweet and soft does not get through to these people. Therefore, in cases like this, and to save YOUR sanity. you have to take strong measures - so I am with you l00%. You are NOT a monster, you are a saint and did right.
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You are human. Even though we know dementia is an illness, we sometimes lose our patience with the most basic stuff, because the person with dementia can’t/won’t do basic things.

Don't make yourself feel worse than you already do. Forget it, (your loved one has!) and move forward. Know that there will be times you are so frustrated you snap. It will happen. Just take a beat, calm yourself as much as you can and move forward.

You are not alone,
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