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If a person has never lost it when caring for someone, they are a Saint.
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funkygrandma59 Nov 2021
Or a liar!!!
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Kas15, if we're all honest here on this forum, I believe that everyone of us would have to admit that at some point we lost our temper with the one(s) we were/are caring for, and yelled at them. That doesn't make us any less of a person, or a bad person, nor does it say that we don't/didn't care and love those we cared for. What it does say is that we're all human and we all have our breaking points,(as being a caregiver is beyond stressful)so cut yourself some slack and know that you're doing the very best you can do, and that is all any of us can do.
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I not only yelled, I argued, pleaded, explained, reproached, debated, bribed, put up signs, blackmailed, threatened...

Sigh.

A few days ago, with my family caregiving long past and a few thousand client visits later, I explained the identical problem to two family members thus: "it does not enter her (my client's) head to use her call button or to use her walker. She actually puts it to one side out of her way when she gets up, does she?" (yes).

I can't tell you how strongly I sympathise with you. The person we are responsible for appears stubborn, careless, thoughtless, inconsiderate, reckless, obstinate, intentionally self-destructive...

No such thing, of course. They just didn't think or couldn't be bothered to fuss with their walker. Keep your shirt on! they're thinking.

Your MIL doesn't have dementia, so it may not be the case that she literally *cannot* think to use her walker (any more than she can do calculus or jump ten feet in the air) as it was with my mother; but it probably is the case that she just hasn't got into the habit of using it and finding it a benefit.

You are not wrong to have lost your temper, and to be stressed by her tottering around the place apparently in search of sharp, hard corners to bang her head against. The only suggestion I have to make is try to divide things strictly between Helpful, and Unhelpful, and reject the latter. Yelling won't help.
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Look on the bright side – you have managed to get a walker into the house! I finally managed it with dear MIL as a condition of going out for a walk around the block. I’d hired one, and she was willing to avoid the cost of hiring, all for nothing. She liked the option of sitting down on the seat, to look at interesting flowers in the neighbours’ gardens. Then when the 3 month hiring period was up, she insisted on keeping just that same one! The hiring people were delighted to sell it to her, as it was an old one without height adjustments, only suitable for short people (like my dear MIL).

You have to stress that using the aid means more choices, not less dignity!
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