My 98 year old father has his mental faculties but due to spinal stenosis has lost his ability to stand, walk and therefore manage his toileting on his own. My 98 year old father has his mental faculties The LTC facility has become reluctant to help him on/off the toilet which frustrates him to no end.
How do I get him to accept this situation and the humility of a dirty diaper?
Well. How would you go about accepting the situation if you were in his position? Continent, fully aware of events, but denied assistance to transfer to use the toilet? Oh well, just one of those things, eh?
If your father is truly unable to stand, even using a stand-aid or turntable, then what's stopping the LTC using a hoist? I have to say if this were my Dad my energies wouldn't be spent on teaching him humility. I'd need them all to restrain myself from punching the head of whoever's in charge.
He shouldn’t have to sit and wait in a dirty diaper. If this is happening for more than a few minutes, become a squeaky wheel. Healthcare professionals understand that beyond unsanitary and humiliating, this can be dangerous.
Most of us will probably have toileting problems someday. Talk to your dad with gentle kindness.
I would also question why those who have been hired to care for him are reluctant to assist him with his toileting. Have you addressed this issue with them? Are there factors of which you are unaware?
No Adult with their mental faculties likes having to wear an Adult Diaper and your Dad will never like the idea.
He shouldn't have to soil a Diaper as someone should take him to the toilet if he can get there with help from his walker and or wheelchair..
He should never have to stay in a soiled Diaper.
You should have a talk with the Care Home he is in and if he knows he has to go, they should take him.
But know, that most care Facilities are Understaffed and they do what is easiest for them.
1 CNA to every eight residents for the day shift
1 direct care staff member (RN, LPN, or CNA) to every 10 residents for the evening shift
1 direct care staff member (RN, LPN, or CNA) to every 14 residents for the night shift
Now if you have ever worked in a busy care center you know this is still stretching it (did I mention that LPNs are hard to come by also? Everyone who can possibly make the attempt is reaching for the higher paid (but still sometimes under appreciated RN title) because of the high number of people who need to be assisted with eating, taken to activities as well as toileted (and some of them may be a 2 person assist; an LTC can get into lots of trouble if a single CNA tries to help a 2 person assist to the toilet). Now add to the fact that on almost any shift you are going to get call outs for any reason (covid positive test, sick kid, no childcare, no transport). LTCs are required to be registered with nursing agencies who can provide coverage in these situations but they will have to find an available staff member within traveling distance (this is going to cost the LTC more than their own staff) who needs time to get to the facility and who is possibly coming in cold (doesn't know the staff on duty or the residents) and has to read charts to find how who is in need of what. Unless a resident is really lucky.... they are going to wait at least 15 min for a trip to the toilet. It's unfortunate but it is the reality of today's industry. Sad really.
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