My 98 year old father has his mental faculties but due to spinal stenosis has lost his ability to stand, walk and therefore manage his toileting on his own. My 98 year old father has his mental faculties The LTC facility has become reluctant to help him on/off the toilet which frustrates him to no end.
How do I get him to accept this situation and the humility of a dirty diaper?
Think about it from his perspective - if I put a diaper on you and told you to do your business in it, your brain will go nuts because you've spent all your life since potty training trying to make it to the toilet. Your brain knows it's not right.
I would ask facility to give him the extra time to be able to use the toilet as long as he can without uncontrolled accidents. Just explain it to them as you said about trying to get him to accept it - it's all about being humiliated.
I would also question why those who have been hired to care for him are reluctant to assist him with his toileting. Have you addressed this issue with them? Are there factors of which you are unaware?
1 CNA to every eight residents for the day shift
1 direct care staff member (RN, LPN, or CNA) to every 10 residents for the evening shift
1 direct care staff member (RN, LPN, or CNA) to every 14 residents for the night shift
Now if you have ever worked in a busy care center you know this is still stretching it (did I mention that LPNs are hard to come by also? Everyone who can possibly make the attempt is reaching for the higher paid (but still sometimes under appreciated RN title) because of the high number of people who need to be assisted with eating, taken to activities as well as toileted (and some of them may be a 2 person assist; an LTC can get into lots of trouble if a single CNA tries to help a 2 person assist to the toilet). Now add to the fact that on almost any shift you are going to get call outs for any reason (covid positive test, sick kid, no childcare, no transport). LTCs are required to be registered with nursing agencies who can provide coverage in these situations but they will have to find an available staff member within traveling distance (this is going to cost the LTC more than their own staff) who needs time to get to the facility and who is possibly coming in cold (doesn't know the staff on duty or the residents) and has to read charts to find how who is in need of what. Unless a resident is really lucky.... they are going to wait at least 15 min for a trip to the toilet. It's unfortunate but it is the reality of today's industry. Sad really.
Well. How would you go about accepting the situation if you were in his position? Continent, fully aware of events, but denied assistance to transfer to use the toilet? Oh well, just one of those things, eh?
If your father is truly unable to stand, even using a stand-aid or turntable, then what's stopping the LTC using a hoist? I have to say if this were my Dad my energies wouldn't be spent on teaching him humility. I'd need them all to restrain myself from punching the head of whoever's in charge.
No Adult with their mental faculties likes having to wear an Adult Diaper and your Dad will never like the idea.
He shouldn't have to soil a Diaper as someone should take him to the toilet if he can get there with help from his walker and or wheelchair..
He should never have to stay in a soiled Diaper.
You should have a talk with the Care Home he is in and if he knows he has to go, they should take him.
But know, that most care Facilities are Understaffed and they do what is easiest for them.
Spinal stenosis is a life changer that cannot be made 'better' by good nutrition, exercises or yoga.
Besides which, this gentleman is 98. His family is working to make his EOL experience have some dignity.
All things ARE possible with God. I think this OP is just trying to keep that dignity for her dad.
adult pampers we call them underwear and she doesn't think it's a pamper try that and see what happens Do you have a portable toilet for him to use in his room? My mom can't walk very well she shacks when she standup we have one in her room we put it right beside her bed when we get her up to use the bathroom . Yesterday I talked to my Dr she told me to get some pads that she can lay on at night and leave the dipper off of her at night and just check it ever so often and if it's wet remove it and put a dry one down under her
He shouldn’t have to sit and wait in a dirty diaper. If this is happening for more than a few minutes, become a squeaky wheel. Healthcare professionals understand that beyond unsanitary and humiliating, this can be dangerous.
Most of us will probably have toileting problems someday. Talk to your dad with gentle kindness.