I want to know if there are other members who care for their parent with their spouse and have asked by their spouses brother to take on care for another aging parent. This brother is not married and has the means to do this caring himself. Refuses to move the aging parent out of their home to Florida, where most of us live, so we can help more. All other siblings care for an aging parent as well.
My BIL had POA. He lived 8 hrs from his Mom, other BIL 12, us 16. When his Mom needed help and then probate my BIL asked us to take over. I said no. My husband is deaf meaning anything having to be done over the phone would be my responsibility. I already had my Moms POA and nephews. There was no reason he couldn't handle his Moms small estate. His wife was perfectly able to help. My other SIL and I cleaned out the house when we were there.
The real question here is YOU and your spouse. Please don't try to take this on. Please recognize your human limitations. No one will give you any trophies for taking on more than anyone should. I am sorry as I can be, but giving up your own life to the elders is not right. My vote goes to care, as good as can possibly be afforded once the Elder's assets are assessed.