Help before the vultures take it all! Any advice?

My personal situation occurred to my family over a period of about 5 years. In the final years of her life, my mother, who suffered from dementia, fell victim to financial abuse by the very nursing home caregivers we had trusted to keep her safe and comfortable. The corrupt nursing facility in Hackettstown, NJ put her in touch with two completely shameless and unethical local attorneys who manipulated her and bilked her out of hundreds of thousands of dollars and a large portion of her estate. We (my husband and I - since I am on only child) fought hard to stop them using our own personal finances, but they had powerful connections. We had made a deathbed promise to care for my Italian-born mother, who was naïve to begin with even before the dementia set in. My petition with the county court for legal guardianship as her only family went nowhere, and my family was unsure where to turn then and NOW when the system is so irreparably broken. The last few years of my mother’s life were fraught with watching these attorneys separate her completely from her family, until they fought for, and won legal guardianship, only 22 days before her death. She died alone in the nursing home, having fallen from her bed, completely unaware, isolated and alienated from her close family. My hope in telling my story is that I can connect with others who are facing the same type of unimaginable situation with their loved ones. There are unscrupulous people who prey on the elderly, and I would love to help at least one person or family avoid the same heartache we fought to keep happening from my mother. I am trying to go public with my story but not much progress yet.

In AZ you just need to bring the original for the bank or Drs or ?to copy.

Let us know what you are doing and how it's going.

Get the financial POA NOW!!

You can have your Grandmother's bank accounts flagged.

The bank will place a hold on the account labeled a 9 hold. People will often times see this on their ATM receipts, they look like one has a balance of $999,999.99 and get all excited because they think they have an enormous balance, yet can't get any money from their account.

This hold indicates that the bank has specific reasons that the owner needs to speak with the manager of operations.

Your Grandmother's bank account can be flagged like this so every transaction MUST be reviewed on various ways.

They will also place a special signature card cover that will also give the reason for the hold.

You MUST have a signed Financial POA and provide an original copy to her branch so is on file.

It can state that all transaction MUST be approved by whom ever is the Conservator.

No one will be able to use the ATM card. The bank will call you OR return to whatever financial institution has presented the check to be paid.

What this means: the bank that a family member has an account, will with deposit or cashed based on their relationship.

That bank has trusted the customer so they will accept the check either as a deposit or cashing it.

NOW the check must be processed through a clearing house. This is where the National Reserve comes in and determine if the bank has what is called....due to/due from relationship....meaning that a clearing house is not used, but sent directly between the 2 banks.

With the account flagged for the Conservator to be called and decide if the transaction should be completed or not. YOUR SIGNATURE WILL BE ON THE SIGNATURE CARD for your Grandmother's account.

If the transaction transaction is not a normal bill, but payable to a family member or cash, you can deny it and have it returned as Refer to Maker.

The other bank will receive it back, take the money back from the account used by a family member or whomever even if it causes an over draft on their account....called right of off set.

Maybe the person takes you grandmother to the bank so she can sign the check and get the money directly.

The account will be flagged that you as Conservator must be notified again. When the bank calls, they will or should ask the person for their ID so they can tell you who is accompanying your grandmother.

No, do not cash that check!! Tellers should be trained to watch their elderly customers and always ask the account holder any question about the transaction.

If the person is answering...RED FLAG, ONLY THE ACCOUNT HOLDER SHOULD BE ANSWERING ALL THE QUESTIONS.

People will have the account holder sign a blank check and fill it out themselves.

Just because it is in a Will, it cannot be used until yoyr grandmother is deceased.

I am hoping after APS completes their investigation, I will be appointed as both Guardian/Conservator for my Mom.

I am stated in her Will to do so, but I am hoping to get it before she passes; that way all her bills will come to me to be paid and I can control her money so as to keep my sister from talking Mom into giving her money which I believe is happening now.

You will be required to report ALL MONIES spent from grandma's accounts on a monthly or quarterly basis. You must account for every single penny. Keep all bills in a file that correspond to the account balances and the receipts for her clothing, doctor bills, buying clothes for her.

Grandma basically becomes a minor again. Most definitely if your appointed guardian. She will no longer be able to vote!

Again, stated in the Will is for her passing not for the now.

REMEMBER....every financial company that she has accounts with, MUST have an original Financial POA on file.

It must contain a date if it is just temporary, or a forever and must list everything you are allowed to do.

Have fun!

By the time you do anything her money will be gone if it is not already. My mom was trying to do the same thing. I live in Florida and she lived in Pennsylvania. That distance did not stop my sisters (who live on the west coast) and I from taking action to protect her. She is in a memory care facility very close to me now and I'm primary POA. We protect her like a mama bear protects her cubs just like she did for us. And yes, you will need to protect your grandmother from other family members who are vultures to their hearts. My sisters and I had to do the same. We are an impenetrable brick wall where our mom is concerned. I've got family members still angry with me for thwarting their attempts at our mother's money. Think I care? No, I don't. They can stay mad. My priority is my mother.

They tried to take her "shopping" with HER cards! I took my mom's cards 3 days before while my one sister and I waited for the inevitable phone call of "Where's her cards?" The call came while they were in checkout. Boy, were they pissed when I told them I had them, HAHHAAHAHA! Yeah, BIG shopping spree they had planned. My sister and I put a screeching halt to it. Then there was the argument of who should have control of her money. Unbelievable how the smell of money changes people's behavior! These were younger family members who forgot they were dealing with grown women who've been walking this earth a lot longer than them. We're not the rooty poots they were used to dealing with. Too funny.  Again, the brick wall went up and was solidly impenetrable. Once we cut them out of any planning and discussions all of the drama and arguing STOPPED. We should have never involved them in the first place.  As my sister says "If you live you will learn."

Don't let distance keep you and your mom from protecting your grandmother. Be that brick wall she needs to protect her from and thwart the vultures.

Secure those remaining funds stat. Relatives and friends come to the doorstep no more! It's really ashame because  when she did own 6 figures that  some of those funds could have earned her money  in an investment fund. 

Donna one more idea check out this site Kasemcares.org. It’s new to me but worth a try. You have a lot to tackle and I hope you have some trust worthy people to help you and your grandma.

I would guard the remaining funds asap. Can you research grandmother’s banking records and get authorities involved? Contact the parties in possession of the funds and notify them as to your grandmother’s condition? This may alarm them and perhaps they will reimburse the funds. The financial institutions are usually required to raise red flags and report unusual activity. Take legal action and get authorities involved asap. If folks are knowingly taking advantage of your grandmother they need to be investigated for elder abuse. Unfortunately my own experience revealed that my family elders were hurt by the advantages put upon them and didn’t want any confrontations or legal actions. One family member sold vehicles and a elite travel home for pennies on the dollar to a total stranger. Perhaps it’s not too late to at least save the remaining 30K. No time to waste, act fast..

If you are a Guardian it is your responsibility to see that this does not happen. She should no longer have control over her finances nor should she be living alone

Move her closer to you. That way you will be better able to help her. Tell her you NEED her. Find somewhere close and nice. Remember if you move from North to South it gets more expensive.

If you are in the UK, like me. (Although, you did use the dollar sign) You may be able to ask your local council for a Senior Bungalow or a warden controlled place. Ask your local councillor.

Good Luck

If your grandmother is confused about where her money is going and what for, and her friends-and-relations have cheerfully been taking full advantage of it, then what further incapacity are you waiting for?

There is a saying: lead, follow or get out of the way. You and your mother have accepted *responsibility* for protecting your grandmother's best interests. One of you has to get over there and get a grip. If you can't, then resign your POA to whichever statutory body then has the authority to take over.

I realise that this will sound harsh. I'm sorry for that, and I really do understand that the whole process can feel like moving mountains. But it's no good saying she's too distant and it's too hard. When it comes to exercising power of attorney, do it or don't do it but for God's sake don't do it *badly*.

You should've taken action before the vultures depleted her resources, that makes it that much hafrder to place her in a reputable home. I've seen enough of these to make a comparison to an asylum. If I had no other choice I would try placing her with Jewish home & hospitals or a Catholic equivalent. In my case, I packed my bags and retired to Puerto Rico to take care of my 90 year old mother personally. I personally feed, bathe, wipe her bottom and try to spend as much quality time with her watching meaningful T.V. programing. My mother's coming down with Alzheimers so I do everything possible to keep her engaged. My mothers' wellbeing is my priority.

As you called he Dr a GP i assume you are in the UK where the rules are different than the US so don't know if she will be penalized if she has gifted all her money.
As you seem to have control of her affair my suggestion is that youlimit her acess to her bank account. i won't expect her to take to that nicely but that's the only way you will shoo the vultures away.

Your grandmother can turn over the management of her financial affairs over to you and your mother without being incapacitated. This is what my dad has done. He is mentally ok, but tired and finds it challenging to keep up with paperwork. My brother who has POA is taking care of Dad's finances, with Dad's blessing.