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My cousin is currently in rehab and looking at hiring a live-in home health aide. Her other alternative is to seek admission to a nursing home. She is in a wheelchair and needs assistance with bathing, food prep, and just daily life. I am wary of hiring live-in help. I live 100 miles from her and cannot be her live-in caregiver myself, and there is no other family. Does anyone have experience with hiring live-in 24/7 caregivers? What pitfalls should she be aware of? Her finances are limited.

She would probably do better financially in a Skilled Nursing facility. (aka "nursing home")
For a Live in caregiver you still need to pay a living wage, you need to have a back up because 1 person can not work 24/7/365.
Add to that you must pay legally taxes, have workmen's comp, make sure your home is insured properly in case of injury.
"Room and Board" is not payment for caregiving.
If necessary begin the application process for Medicaid ASAP.
Your cousin should talk to the Social Worker at the rehab facility.
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CousinCare Jan 20, 2025
Thank you so much - I had not even considered the taxes, WC, insurance, etc., and I doubt very much if she has thought about them either. I do recall now that when my mom had an in home aide come a few hours a week - mostly to make sure she got up the stairs to bathe safely, help her with bathing, and make sure she got down safely, and do a little cooking and cleaning - I went through an agency to make them responsible for the taxes, etc. Thank you for the reminder about these considerations!
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I would not take on POA work from 100 miles away. And this is essentially what you are being asked to do whether you are designated POA or not. This will become more and more and more complicated and I think you understand that already.
If she needs help in managing this it's a good sign that she's not capable of being home at this time.

I would tell her you can't/won't handle this for her.
Rehab is the perfect place to go into care from with the help of their discharge planning. It will be much more difficult if she returns home in need of this level of care and is alone and helpless.

This gets a big "NO!" from me, or a more gentle "I am so sorry; I couldn't possible help with that; I don't feel anything like competent to do that".

Speak to discharge planning TODAY by phone to tell them you can't assist. And caution them against an unsafe and unwise discharge home from their facility.
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CousinCare Jan 20, 2025
Unfortunately, although there is no other family, there is a close friend who is urging the live-in HHA. Said friend has even done virtual interviews to find someone willing to fill the role - assuming I will pay for it, which I have not agreed to do. I had offered to pay for my cousin to be in AL for two months, but now it is clear she needs a higher level of care than AL. The friend and cousin are asking if - instead of AL - I would pay for live-in HHA. Not at all comfortable with the whole idea.
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I am currently a non-family live-in caregiver. It is a unique situation, but the family and client are extremely wealthy. It started as husband and wife (3.5yrs ago), wife needing full care, husband needing partial. I had taken care of wife prior to the family asking me to move in. My salary agreed upon was $80k/yearly. It was a small step up from what I was making prior so I didn’t do it for the money only, although it was a good sum. I have my own room, bathroom and full control of expenses and such. Came with trust, they see all expenses paid. I also do all grocery shopping, meals, transportation to appointments, house care, lawn care, flower bed care, snow removal. The wife passed last year and I am caring for the now full care husband. This all to say…I am here 24/7/365…I get relief twice a month for 8 hrs. The family does NOT help hardly ever. And I get one vacation for 1-2weeks (one block, not vacation “time”) to which I have to find help for. I am not wanting responses of “get out” or naysayers. I have made a committment and will see it through, doesnt look to be long. But I am saying this to give an idea into a mind of a live-in. If I ever did this again, which I won’t, I would ask $80-90k per person without all the extra housework. It is incredibly difficult mentally to be “on” every moment of every day. With no support. And I have space in the home. I speak from probably the place of the “better” live-in situations and I wouldn’t wish the struggles I face on anyone. To ask this of anyone (to have hardly any space to themselves) is really taking advantage of that caregiver. You will lose them fast, unless they are homeless already and desperate, but will end up using your LO. A nursing home is the most humane way in this situation.
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97yroldmom Jan 23, 2025
BlueDew,
Thank You for your input
Big hugs out to you.
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Is your cousin going home on hospice?

If not, she really should find a nursing home and apply for Medicaid.

I am sorry for your family, my sister died of breast cancer and it truly took a village of friends and family to have her at home on hospice. One person would have never been able to handle it.

As far as you paying, solid no, she has public resources available.
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Cousin:
I have read your responses to us below and thank you for them. Often we get a question and no one bothers to reply to the advice.
I am just going to say that by allowing "a friend" to draw you into this VERY BAD DECISION about home going, is a massive mistake in my opinion. And if you think you can afford to help pay for the costs of this care then you must be absolutely rolling in money, and I am speaking millions, because it takes a lifetime to save for our OWN care.

I feel you are enabling a dreadful decision by participating in these very bad plans to go home. You say her "friend" in involved in all this, even choosing caregivers. And that you are to pay for it. Nope. Nope. Pull out. Leave the friend to it. Call discharge planning and tell them you don't wish to be involved in any way in these plans of homegoing with inadequate care and management of your cousin's dangerous discharge. Then tell your cousin and this "friend" the same thing.
That would be my last word on this, and you surely are free to kick my advice to the curb and continue on with this, but it's going to be, imho, a massive and costly mess.
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Fawnby Jan 23, 2025
Alva, you nailed it. An absolute and costly mess is right.
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So much. The care giver will have to have days off, so another person will need to be hired for those days. The care giver might get sick and need time off. It will be really expensive, as room and board are not considered payment for care, so if your cousin has limited finances, that might make the idea not even be possible. How long will your cousin be in a wheelchair? You say caregivers. Is the house huge? And I wouldn't even want to get into all the paperwork involved. Others here will have advice on that part of live-in care.
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CousinCare Jan 20, 2025
Thank you for your insight. My cousin has a one bedroom apartment - the proposal is that the live-in caregiver would have the bedroom and my cousin would live in the living room. Shared bathroom. Not much privacy for either of them. I was her caregiver for the period between Christmas and New Year's - had to call 911 New Year's Night and then she was hospitalized for 12 days. She is Stage 4 breast cancer, and because of how the cancer is expressing itself, she has little use of her right arm and hand - meaning she cannot use a walker. The apartment is not ADA - bathing requires a transfer seat. I am being asked to pay for the HHA for two months.
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I have experience being a homecare worker and I operate a business. Never hire one live-in caregiver. Not a good idea to let the caregiver make the client's home their legal residence. Nor is it right to expect one person to cover all the caregiving needs and everything else the client may need seven days a week.

You hire two people. One weekdays, one weekends. Or split the week. Or hav them work one week on, one week off. The time arrangement can be whatever works for the client.

Be totally honest about what the job is going to be. Understand the difference between say a person needing help in and out of the shower, and the caregiver literally having to get the person in, wash them, dry them, and dress them. Needing some help with meals to me is taking something in and out of the oven for someone. Not the aide plans the meal, cooks it, feeds it to the client, then cleans up after it. No. Be honest about the level of care the person needs.

I can tell you for a fact that if you hire privately from a site like care.com you can negotiate the wage. Live-in caregivers DO NOT get paid hourly. They get paid salary. Also, the free room and board they get is considered part of their wages. So it really isn't as expensive as many people believe. Look at a few caregiver profiles on some websites. Have your cousin put one up for themselves stating what they're looking for. Good luck.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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If you search this forum you will find numerous posts detailing the headaches and pitfalls of hiring a live-in aid. I personally would never do it.

The aid needs to earn some actual cash in order to live properly. There are also numerous posts from live-in aids who also regret the arrangement.

If she has limited resources she can maybe consider going into a good facility that accepts Medicaid on private pay initially and then going through the application process (she needs to qualify both medically as needing LTC and financially).

Please find those posts and have her read them -- they are eye opening.

Also, hoping your cousin has assigned a PoA and has all her other legal ducks in a row. Never be tempted to pay for her care, even if she asks. The monthly cost can be in the thousands, and sometimes in the tens of thousands.
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KPWCSC Jan 23, 2025
@Gleaton777 said "Never be tempted to pay for her care, even if she asks."

This is very important because if you pay even once, you may be pressured when they try and get you to pay again. Especially never sign anything because they may pressure you even more. Facilities know all the avenues to "try" and collect any way they can... but they also should know how to help her go the Medicaid route... and maybe even expedite it. They also know that by doing so, a resident will be paying less once it is approved.
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“Her finances are limited” This will likely preclude hiring a live in caregiver as live in help is cost prohibitive for most people. It’s far more expensive than a facility. Otherwise, anyone willing to do it for a lesser amount is in their own desperate position and not someone you should trust in the home
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BurntCaregiver Jan 23, 2025
@Daughter1930

Where are you getting these "facts" about a live-in being far more expensive than a facility?

The reason why everyone doesn't do it is because Medicaid and most other insurances won't pay for 24-hour homecare. They will only pay out to a residential care facility. My only guess for why is because the LTC industry greased a lot of palms and did a lot of favors for our legislators. The other reason is a person is too far gone to be cared for in the home and they need a facility staff to meet their care needs.

If you're hiring privately (not going through a homecare agency) you can negotiate what you're paying. I did caregiving for a long time and most of those years were with private cases.

I can't believe I'm even going to say this because I operate a homecare. When it comes to live-in or round-the-clock care when you hire directly (privately) yourself and leav the middleman (the homecare agency) out of it, you'll save money. It's way less than a nursing home.
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I have had this experience with my parents. We were fortunate to find the absolute best caregiver. She lived in 24/7 at $275 per day. She had a financial goal that she was upfront about - buying a home. We knew she'd stay as long as possible, and we treated her well because she was wonderful and deserved it. We also needed back-up caregivers for when she had to go out for business, a day off, etc. We had at least 2 of those available for scheduling at all times. Plus PTs, OTs, you name it. One caregiver would not have been able to handle it.

My sister and I also were there to help, and this was for caregiving one parent at a time - dad sick, then mom sick. They were determined to die at home. (I will never support that madness again.) All had to be coordinated and scheduled by guess who? Yup. Fortunately we had a great team, and that's what it took - a team. You can find a team ready-made at your local care facilities. My advice is to start looking.

All that work, and for the last days of his life, when he was dying at home, Dad thought he was in a hospital anyway.
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PeggySue2020 Jan 23, 2025
Just to translate here, that live in was over 100k a year at 275 bucks a day. And then there’s the tens of thousands to pay for her backup. Plus family had to be around.
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