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Looking for experiences and/or suggestions from others who have had hospice and used respite care. My mom began home hospice care in early September. In October I notified them I wanted to schedule 5 days of respite in early December so that I could fly to NYC to go wedding dress shopping with my daughter. I was told this was no problem. My tickets are purchased, the hotel is reserved, my brother has his tickets to fly here to stay with my dad while mom was to be in a facility and my daughter has appointments for us so she can try on dresses. Yesterday (December 3) they notified me that they couldn't find a facility to place her next week when my trip is scheduled (December 9). I may be over reacting. Am I being unreasonable in timely scheduling respite care and expect it to go as planned? This is my only experience with hospice and I really don't know what to expect and not just regarding respite. We are in Orlando, not an area where facilities might be geographically very limited. Thanks.

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I don't think you're being unreasonable.  You allowed plenty of time.  If the hospice company couldn't find resources no later than, say, mid November, they should have notified you.  That's just basic politeness.

Since you're a former federal LEO, can you think of any way you could prompt or encourage this hospice to be more responsive, and reliable, as in whether they did make a commitment to find another hospice?  I'm not suggesting anything illegal, just thinking that maybe the concept of law enforcement might make them reconsider.

OTOH, given the pandemic, there just may not be any facilities, or maybe they're afraid of losing your mother as their patient.    I think the latter might be a distinct possibility, especially if they found another hospice that was better than this one.

Is this a chain hospice?  If so, I'd skip the local and go all the way to the top, to the CEO, and explain how disappointed you are with the local facility's nonperformance.   

I would probably also begin looking for a different hospice, but don't tell them that you're making the move until you return from NY.   I would be concerned that that a change of hospice provider might be too traumatic for your mother.  

You could try to find a place on your own, for a permanent move.  When I needed hospice, I called a number of typically for profit hospices, but wasn't encouraged and certain not impressed  until I met with a nurse rep from a nonprofit hospital.   If I had any living relatives who could still benefit, I wouldn't even consider a for profit outfit.
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I know that when my husband was under in home hospice care for the last 22 months of his life, I was told that I could request respite care for him/myself but that there would be no guarantees on the requested time frame I might want as it depended on if they had any beds available or not at the time, and they wouldn't know until the week of the request, so I'm not sure how unusual this is, as their dying patients should/must have priority over a "respite" patient.
It's just a shame that this wasn't explained to you up front like it was me.
I'm hoping things will work out so you can still go to NYC.
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From your profile: "I came to FLA from the north to get my dad through rehab after surgery thinking it would be about 30 days. Nearly 4 yrs later, I'm still here, living with and caring for my parents full time."

So right now your parents live together, and you live with them to be their fulltime caregiver?

If your brother is coming to stay with your father, then why does your mother have to be sent to a facility for respite while you are gone? If you are taking care of both of them at one time, why can't your brother do so while you are gone?
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Not that you aren't justified in being upset, but what does stomping your feet and having a fit going to do?

They can do what they can do. It appears they can't do it.

Either Kleinfeld waits, or your daughter goes shopping on her own. I get it -- it stinks.
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