Hospital is recommending hospice and I am the decision maker:( Any thoughts?

Before finishing reading other comments, I found these online:

"Can you be on hospice with a feeding tube?
Placing a feeding tube: Generally, feeding tubes are not placed in patients once they are enrolled in hospice care. On rare occasions, a decision to proceed with feeding tube placement is made in conjunction with the patient, family and hospice interdisciplinary team."

and

"Hospice services will not be denied to a patient who already has a feeding tube in place. The hospice team will work closely with the patient, family and caregiver to decide whether to continue to use the tube. While a feeding tube technically can be removed, most often the decision is made to just stop using it."

So if you and/or mom wish to continue with the feeding tube, it shouldn't be one of the concerns in deciding to enlist hospice.

While I'm not a doctor, I don't think stopping BP meds or feeding would result in death within hours - if she did pass that quickly, it was likely her condition, not the cessation of medication or food. My mother was already having issues with taking her BP meds, which got worse after a stroke, which affected her dominant side, speaking AND swallowing. I did consult with pharmacy who said we *could* open the capsule and put the medication into something like ice cream or pudding, but any chewed crystals would be ineffective as they are time released. Not likely she would chew ice cream or pudding, but even if she did, there would be some medication swallowed. Some was better than none! Hospice did NOT require stopping any current medication. What Hospice won't do is treat something new. However, if something else cropped up that you wanted treated, you can take her off Hospice.

I personally would not want to be on a feeding tube.

You need to put yourself in your mom's shoes and do what you think she would want done, not what you want.
It's sad to get old and know you don't have much time left, but I would want some kind of quality of life to want to live.

Hopefully your mom can relay her wishes.

Prayers

Something to consider is what quality of life will she have if she's resuscitated. She will not get better and resuscitation will create more problems. Signing the DNR recognizes that life won't get better. Hospice will provide the most gentle way for her to go. She may go soon, so spend as much time as you can with her. I'm wondering if you are ready to let her go. It's a really difficult decision. Hospice should have grief counseling and that might really help you at this time. Putting a loved one in hospice puts one on notice that your loved one's life is finite. It's difficult to grasp when you think of how they were when they were well. Grief is what happens when you love someone.

My brother recently had a massive cancerous brain tumor removed. The tumor was over the left frontal lobe, which is where personality, memory, impulse control, problem solving reside. He is a very different person; some brain tumors can cause apathy and it's controlling him at this point. He used to be a musician. My niece played a favorite song and half way through he told her he wasn't interested in hearing it anymore. He has no motivation for occupational therapy for learning to dress himself, shower, etc. He's agitated, uncooperative and curses people trying to help him in rehab. Hopefully with time he will improve. At this point we've elected DNR because it's doubtful he would have a good life if he was brought back. Maybe we will change that if we see progress. We know if he saw himself the way he is now, he would not want to live that way.

OK. Take some deep breathes. I am an RN. I'll try to walk you through some of this.

DNR - do not resuscitate. Basically, if the person stops breathing or heart stops nothing will be done to restart either. No machines to keep heart or breathing going artificially either. She can get oxygen via mask or nasal cannula. Medications, food, fluids, curative care measures are all given - except the ones that restart heart or breathing. CPR is brutal. People are known to have ribs and sternum broken during compressions. If she could not manage recovery from what could be considered a major car accident - make her a DNR.

Hospice - comfort care measures and not curative care. This means keeping pain medications, food, water, and whatever helps the person to be comfortable. If you want her to continue getting food and fluids via tube, that can be done. If you want her to continue getting her medications, that can also be done. Talk with the doctor about each medication and what is does. Decide on keeping medications that help her with pain, to relax, to be at her best... Most likely antibiotics will be discontinued. Her blood pressure medication can probably be given via tube. The goal is to allow her and family/friends time to together to live and relish the relationships. Some people die rather quickly on hospice and others can go for months.

She will pass when her body is worn out and ready to let go. Making somebody a full code will not keep them alive when they reach this point. Putting somebody on hospice will not hasten their death either.

So, again. Take some deep breathes. Ask about each treatment and medication she is getting. If your goal is to restore her to her prior health - then ask for full code and all measures to be done. If your goal is to help her enjoy whatever time she has left in life - then opt for DNR and hospice.

Imho, it is always a difficult decision when your LO is so ill. Prayers sent.

When my mom signed up for hospice, the intaking nurse told us that the national average of time people in the US spend in hospice is 4 days. Too many people wait too long to call them; they get called when the patient is actively dying and needs pain relief, which leads to the idea that hospice "speeds" death.

My mom went into hospice in the beginning of August; she passed October 8th. At no time during that time did hospice push pain relief medicine onto her; we had the "comfort" pack in the fridge, but I literally didn't crack it open until 5 days before she passed, when I could tell that she had entered the transition phase and was actively dying.

When the intake nurse was talking to us, she went over the list of my mom's meds - and granted, my mother wasn't on that many, relatively speaking - but what we were told was she could continue with ALL of her meds if she wanted, but hospice would only provide her with certain ones of those; meaning that they would contact the pharmacy who would deliver them without charge. But if she wanted to continue with the other meds that didn't fall under hospice's purview, she could do that, we would just be responsible to ask the prescribing doctor for them, and pick them up and pay whatever the usual co-pay was. My mom opted to stop the unnecessary meds gladly - but hospice gave her that choice, giving her the power to decide, which she was so appreciative of!

Don't forget, hospice doesn't just make these decisions willy-nilly. My mom's cardiologist was the doctor of record with hospice, and any decisions about her medication/treatment were made after hospice consulted with him. The organization didn't just make the decisions on their own. It really was a team working together to give my mom peace at the end, and I am grateful for their care. And when mom passed, the nurse came, made the pronouncement, called the funeral home and then cleaned mom up a bit before the funeral home arrived. I was overwhelmed with the respect she showed; as she was cleaning my mom up, she was still talking to her, telling her what she was doing as though my mom was still there. I found it so kind and comforting.

Raysgirl, I am very sorry about your mom, and I can understand your feelings; my mom was a fighter too. My mom started her transition on a Sunday - I went up to check on her, and she was gasping for breath in her chair and said to me "something's wrong - I just don't feel right..." and at that moment I was so thankful she had opted for hospice. I was able to give her the medication to relieve her pain and anxiety, without frantic calls to her doctor or an ambulance ride to the ER. I agree with the others who say you're never ready to say goodbye to a loved one, but I was so glad that when the time came for me to say goodbye, I was able to keep mom pain-free and comfortable in the end.

I wish you peace and comfort during this time!

Ask what the hospice plan is: stop all meds and just pain meds until the end? Or continue with treatment plus meds to control pain? As if they plan to stop the bp meds and if you agree, what will be happening: the doctor or the duty nurse should be able to explain in detail what will be happening.

If you aren't read to end all of the life saving meds, then don't. She can return to nursing home with bp meds and the feeding tube to see if she gets better. If there is a way to move her to hospice bed with bp meds and feeding tube, then do that. Hospice facilities seem to give patients more of their time and explain things better to the family.

If she must go back to the same facility, are you going to be able to go in and sit with her. Observe her care. More time than previously spent there? If not, you may be sending her back to the same quality of care she had before - lack of cleaning and no real chance of improvement and can't tell you what is not being done for her. I think at this point I would choose the facility that will allow me the most time I can get as a visitor.

Just found this. I've been looking for it for 2 years. Might help. https://guardianangelhospice.com/medical/the-last-few-days/

I'm sorry for your distress. We had hospice for dad. He lost the will to live a couple of years previous and was distressed and afraid his heart would never stop beating or that "God had forgotten him." At 91 he was diagnosed with CHF, AFIB, Leaky heart valve and some other issue I don't remember. He was done, no more rehab, no more nothing. Hospice is end of life care.

We used a not for profit Hospice Company and they were wonderful and compassionate and helped dad live out his remaining days with as much dignity as possible. They were always available to answer family questions. Yes, they took dad off all his medications, except for those that provided comfort. He never needed the narcotics that were prescribed for him and as far as we knew he was not in physical pain.

I know this is hard - is your mother ready to leave behind her earthly bonds? It sounds as if your aren't. When my MIL had a major bleed in her brain and once we knew that she could not recover I told my husband he may need to let his mother know she could leave it was okay with him - even though she was unconscious.

It does sound as if your mother's time is upon all of you and I understand you and the family may not be ready. Please make a decision for what is in her best interest. Yes, once hospice takes on your mother's care she will be taken off all meds that don't provide comfort (although the RN in charge of dad did go over his meds with me and asked about a couple of them - to continue or stop); she very well may die soon, but hospice will take care of her and try and keep her comfortable and let her die with dignity. It is not hospice's position to speed up her death, but let nature take its course.

I wish you peace and comfort.

I have been in that situation for both my mother and wife. When a definitive diagnosis was received for each one, a DNR was placed in their file by me.
This is something that was discussed many years prior to either one getting sick.
When they each were placed on Hospice there were guidelines that were established upfront.
In my mother's case, she had Alzheimer's, being on Hospice was helpful for her, and she rebounded in a couple of weeks. At which time she was taken off Hospice. This happened about 3 times over a 10 year period.
In my wife's case, she had Pancreatic Cancer, and Hospice was end of life for her. She lived approximately 8 weeks from the day of diagnosis. Never came home from the hospital. She was placed on Hospice approximately 36 hours before she passed. To me that was a blessing. She did not have to suffer for a long period of time.
I personally do not understand people that want to see their family members suffer because they don't want to "lose" them. They are thinking about themselves and not the person that's sick.
DNR's and living wills should be discussed within the family at an early stage.
My mother gave me her "end of life" wishes right after I graduated high school. I was 62y/o when she passed.

Raysgirl,

I posted earlier. I would like to add a few more thoughts.

Please ask to speak to your mom’s social worker.

Social workers deal with these situations on a daily basis and are very helpful when we are facing emotional decisions.

Sometimes, those closest to a patient (family members) aren’t always able to be objective and therefore they aren’t able to see things as clearly as a person that is looking in from the outside.

I say this because you said that it was hard to sign a DNR. I know that emotionally it is a hard thing to do but from a medical perspective it is absolutely the right thing to do.

I know someone that was the medical POA for her dad.

They had six children in the family. Her dad did not want any resuscitation but as medical POA she overrode his decision and did it anyway.

Do you know how much longer that her dad lived? And in severe pain? Exactly one hour, that’s it!

She truly regrets that she did not listen to her father and her siblings.

It’s truly an ugly situation when an elderly man or woman has ribs broken as the medical team does CPR.

Be at peace about your decision to sign the DNR.

Be at peace knowing that if you choose hospice that she will receive wonderful care with the hospice staff.

Do look into various organizations because they aren’t all the same. I researched when I selected hospice for my brother and we did the same for my mom.

This is a difficult situation to be in. I am so sorry that you are struggling with all of this.

I lost my dad years ago. I lost my oldest brother and I don’t know how much time my mom has left.

All I know is that mom is ready to leave this world and I don’t blame her.

She has suffered enough and at 95 she certainly deserves to be as comfortable as possible with the help of hospice.

The caregiving staff at mom’s hospice house are angels. They truly are and I am ever so grateful for them.

Wishing you and your family all the best.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Facing loss is hard. If you are consumed by doubt it’s never a bad idea to get another medical evaluation and opinion. It may help you understand better and gain some peace. Please know if you decide on hospice it will have nothing to do with your mom’s fate. Like all of us, she’s going to pass when her body gives out, not because of any timetable of hospice. Hospice brought my dad great peace. Another thought, my mother had a feeding tube and toward the end she couldn’t tolerate the food being put in, it made her sick. It was her body slowing shutting down. We used the tube to keep her minimally hydrated as everyone involved advised us that dehydration is a painful death. The tube is great for this, keeps them comfortable when nothing can go down orally. The meds of hospice are designed to bring comfort and peace, not death. Because most hospice patients die, many people draw a false connection that hospice killed them, when it was simply their time. I wish you both peace and comfort. Your mom is blessed to have you in her corner

Raysgirl,
I'm so sorry you are going through this. {{{hugs}}}. Your mom sounds like a fighter, for sure. Is she able to tell you what she wants, how she really feels about going on hospice? Does she understand, or is the "delirium" making that difficult?

At the very least I would consult with two doctors who may have treated her at the hospital, if you haven't already. My brother recently passed after being hospitalized for three weeks and on hospice for two. I talked with the hospitalist and the oncologist they had called in for evaluation. I felt better getting a consensus on his situation with them and other hospital personnel, as well as with my two other brothers. I asked my ill brother what he wanted, and he said he was ready to see Jesus again. It was then easier to see clearly that hospice was the way to go.

Remember, you are not at fault for your mom having cancer, heart failure, and the other things she is sadly having to deal with. Unfortunately her cancer and other health issues are really what is making this decision. I understand your feelings and fears. It is so hard to sort through. But in the end, what would be best for your mother's remaining time? When you say she is a fighter, is she also realistic in her understanding of this? What about your siblings, if you have them, other caring relatives, etc. Are they being supportive?

People can be on hospice for longer than expected. It is not an automatic death sentence. It is to my knowledge meant to ease the pain and give support. It is meant to provide care and compassion to the person and their family.

Release the fear and be easier on yourself. You will make the best decisions once you feel you have the right information. I wish you the best.

My first thought is are you feeling she isn’t ready to go yet or you aren’t ready for her to go? I ask because you may never feel ready but if she isn’t ready that’s different from a fighting for life point of view. As someone else mentioned if she was enjoying life, had a quality of life (from her perspective) she was good with, prior to this last UTI/sepsis I too would wait until that has been cleared up before deciding.

These are absolutely hard decisions and I’m sorry you are having to make them, a little surprised given her medical conditions and that you obviously have MPOA or equivalent that she wouldn’t have already made her own decision about DNR. I can only imagine how overwhelming it is to have to make that decision for her and the Hospice decision all at the same time. Based on stories I have heard here Hospice care can vary widely from place to place and area/state to state/area but I can tell you our families experience with Hospice was a very good one, my uncle lived on home Hospice for a year or more and then when it was time a resident Hospice facility for a couple months before passing and it was a good and needed transition for him as well as his loved ones. All I can offer on that decision however is while the hospital is pressuring you this is not a decision you have to make on their timeline. Get information from several places about the Hospice options in your area, understand how it will work if she goes back to the facility she came from and if there is an option for full time live in Hospice facility that she qualifies for. While a patient needs to qualify for Hospice, it sounds like your mom is there and it does mean stopping most medications that are simply prolonging life it doesn’t mean stopping all and the focus on comfort, quality of life and there comes a point when you know, even if it’s hard to admit, that’s what’s best for your loved one. It also does not mean they will be gone in a matter of days, though it could depending on how much they are being kept alive and it could depending on how ready they are to go, patients stay on Hospice care for years, though I think I read the avrege is 6 mos (?) and some go off Hospice because they recover enough they no longer qualify or because they decide they want to, it doesn’t have to be an tragic ominous thing. In the best case it’s a comforting, positive thing for terminal patients and their families.

Again, Hospice care seems to be widely varied so do your due diligence, find out what the options are for you, interview them and know what their medication plan will be if you put her in their care, know what they will offer you and your family as well and go with your gut in the end not the hospitals desire, unless of course they are the same. You control this but don’t do it alone, reach out the way you are here and include your family in the process too even if it’s just sharing what you have learned and what you are thinking. If mom is or gets to the point of being capable of course include her as well. I’m sorry so much is falling on your shoulders all at once but try to find strength in taking control, gathering information and considering where your feelings are coming from. Don’t get me wrong your feelings and readiness are also important here, not to be minimized but try to recognize which are yours and which are mom’s.

Good luck, I will be thinking of you as I know many others here will. Sending strength your way.

Hospice will not stop morphine or the patch that is being used for pain.
Hospice will not have the feeding tube removed. (Hospice will not have a feeding tube put in but if it is there when the patient goes on Hospice it can remain)
Think of Hospice as having another medical team helping you and mom.
Is mom aware of what is going on? If so have her part of the discussion when Hospice is explained. Just like any other doctor having a conversation with you and her together,
The goal of Hospice is to help care for someone that is reaching the end of their life, when no other treatments are going to improve the quality of life.,
Part of that goal is to make the patient comfortable NOT in a stupor. If part of that is increasing medication that is what they will recommend. But if you are administering medication YOU get to decide (within reason) how much and when. Yes there is a dosage that is prescribed and there is a time schedule but it can vary. But I am sure you do not want your mom in pain either.
And if you wish mom to be brought to your house Hospice can arrange that, they will have the bed and all the equipment that you will need and they will arrange transportation to your house.
Lastly If you do not feel comfortable with Hospice after even a few days you can drop Hospice and continue with her previous medical team.

I had a very positive experience with Hospice, my Husband was on Hospice for almost 3 years. I would not have been able to care for him the way I was able if it had not been for Hospice.
There are basically 2 types. FOR profit and NOT for profit. The one I happened to select was a NOT for profit. I suggest you interview several Hospice just like you would interview or research any medical provider .

Hospice is a bad idea as far as im concerned i was told me if you have hope of improvement, find a place that has life in the name, hospice is where they discontinue dr visits and regular medications like insulin blood pressure meds and dont provide physical theapy. i know there are many different kinds of care, shop around please dont be too quick to decide, there are also programs that provide respite care to give you time off if you are in danger of caregiver burnout. I never had a chance because my mother didnt want me to have to care for her non stop like i was, she chose a home are hospice and passed away within the week when she was supposed to have 6 months.

I have been a decision maker twice. The first time, I am fine with, the second I still get nightmares from. My advice is to look at and interview more than one company. Different companies do have better support channels and quality of care.

I can’t imagine not wanting hospice at this point in your mom’s life.

Too many people wait until the very end to get hospice which is incredibly sad to me.

Why would anyone want to suffer needlessly?

Hospice is comfort care to allow a person to die with dignity and free from pain.

That’s how I would want to go if I were in your mom’s situation. I would never want a slow and agonizing death.

I hope that you will take advantage of hospice as the hospital is recommending so your mom will be as comfortable as she possibly can be.

My mom has end stage Parkinson’s disease and is under hospice care. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Mom is going to die. I want the time that she has to be comfortable. That is what is most important to me, not to stretch out the number of days, besides hospice does not hasten death.

People die because they have incurable diseases.

Hospice will help you with all you are going though and you are still able to make all the decisions.Remember that you can always discontinue hospice if you feel you need to.

Ask yourself if YOU would want to live like this? Would you want your life extended in THIS condition, with a feeding tube, septic shock, late stage rectal cancer, etc? If the answer is no, please call hospice in.

Your mother's heart will stop when IT is ready to stop, not 'within hours' if she is still full of fight. Hospice is not in the business of 'euthanasia', but keeping people comfortable and out of pain when they're at the end of their journey here on Earth. That can take months to actually happen, in reality.

Remember, this isn't about 'you' but about keeping your mother comfortable and out of pain. Nobody is ever ready to say goodbye to a loved one, but sometimes it's the only thing we CAN do. I called in hospice for my father when his brain tumor was making his life unbearable; I'm very glad I did b/c his final 19 days here on Earth were pain free with no agitation or fear. I thank God for hospice every day.

Wishing you the best of luck during a difficult time.

My mom has been in and out of hospice. They never stopped any of her meds and she always received good nutrition. In fact, due to increased level of care she made a comeback. It is very important to be very involved in her care and make sure she stays on all meds and is well fed and hydrated. They may be over medicating her - that can be a tendency. But you can change that, too

Where do people get the idea that hospice is essentially pulling the plug??

They aren't going to stop her BP meds, nor will they stop feeding her. What they will do is treat her issues where she is without taking her to the hospital or doing anything above and beyond comfort care. If you want her to go to the hospital for something, she's taken off hospice for that time, then she can go back on afterward.

I put my mom on hospice in January because she'd been in the hospital for two weeks with sepsis, also had delirium to go with her dementia, and I wasn't going to put her through that again. Since then, she's had Covid (which was treated), pressure sores (treated), and more wound care (treated). She continues to get the medications she took before she went on hospice. She doesn't eat by choice, but she gets Ensure daily and is offered food at every meal. She is in no pain, and if she developed it, the eradication of pain would be the primary goal. Her comfort is the main purpose of her care now, and what no one does is seek to cure what can't be cured, namely, old age and its accompanying decline.

You need to decide if you want your mom's life to be quality or quantity. Modern medical science can keep a body going indefinitely, but to what end? Do you want your mom's remaining days to be full of delirium and doctors poking and prodding her, or do you want her to be as comfortable as possible in familiar surroundings? She may very well last a long time under the lower stress of hospice care.

For what purpose would you want your mom to live like this? Are you simply terrified about her dying? Because, this isn't about YOU at all--it's about mom.

Rectal cancer sounds absolutely horrible. Why would you want her to continue on with this?

What are HER wishes? Can she still voice them and be a part of her own care decisions?

Watching a LO sloooooowly die is awful. Everyday is a new pain filled, depressing day---when my dad chose hospice, we finally had some 'plan'. Peace filled his life. He was kept out of pain, which he had suffered from for years. He was calm. He was lucid, until the end.

Yes, we could have kept him 'alive' for months, probably, with IV's and a feeding tube, but to what end?

It IS a difficult decision, but you really need to put mom's desires first.

Most people wait too long before they bring hospice in. It sounds like your mom is beyond ready for their care. Just because she's under their care doesn't mean that she will die soon. My husband was under their care for the last 22 months of his life. And they will keep her on any of her necessary medicines, so you don't have to worry about that. It sounds like your mom would greatly benefit from their services, and if for some reason you are not pleased with them, you can always quit there services. At this point you just want your mom to be as comfortable as possible. Best wishes, and God bless you.

So sorry what your going through.
My first question would be - how was she doing before the UTI - was she able to tell you how she was feeling and her wishes - if she was in pain - was she living some quality of life and okay with that before the infection?
I only ask because I see and have experienced the non UTI quality of life where a week before a UTI my mom can express to me her wishes and if she is happy and I see her in a daily routine etc and any signs of a UTI and delirium are Not true to her normal daily life. They are horrible on her and what she presents in a hospital setting with an infection is far from what her normal life looks like. I have been through recently (again just 2 months ago) drs opinions that truth is we’re not based on what my moms daily life looked like - and once she was treated and the delirium cleared a week after being home she is a different person and does have a good quality of life that she is happy with. Now my Mom does not have a terminal illness - she is a stroke survivor. So I think only you - who knows her best before the uti can make the decision based on her quality of life previous to the infection. But from someone who also felt pressured in hospital settings (where they dont know her on a daily basis - it does lay with you to try to really find what you feel your mom would want). It’s hard to find these answers but I do trust myself over the medical world who doesn’t know the persons wishes or who they are outside of the infection they see before them. If you feel they are basing moms care or end of life decisions based on what her infection status is right now then I think you are correct in thinking more about their advice. Sending prayers your way that you find peace in what you feel is best for your mom.

I think they are telling you its time. She is already being given very strong pain killers. Yes, they will probably stop the feeding tube. When someone's body is shutting down, the feeding tube won't help anyway. She will be made comfortable and as pain free as possible. She will probably sleep most of the time. But she will pass peacefully. She may not be ready to go, but her body is.

I'm so sorry for this distress! Please try remember that you are making the decision on her behalf -- in *her* best interests, not yours. Your poor mom is suffering. No one knows for how much longer. Hospice is for her comfort and she is currently suffering. Would you want your life prolonged if you were suffering? I'm not trying to pressure or guilt you, just want you to walk through logic and reason, separate from your emotions (which is totally difficult right now). When you say, "I dont feel shes ready to go yet...." perhaps you mean you're not ready to let her go? This is absolutely understandable...so you have to put on your "Mom's hat" and make the decision you think she'd want for herself. Also, you may be surprised that she may do "better" on hospice and not slip away as fast as you think. No one can know for sure. I wish you much peace in your heart no matter what you decide for her.

If you feel she isn't ready to go (and are certain that isn't FEAR and DELIRIUM as you describe) then you cannot ask hospice to come in. When you get hospice it is necessary that you recognize that this lady is at the end of her life. To be frank with you, with stage 4 rectal it is excruciatingly painful, and why anyone would want to prolong this torment is quite beyond my understanding as a nurse, but that is neither here nor there as this is YOUR decision, and you claim she is not ready to go. I would ask you if you have discussed her wishes with her. Have you ASKED her directly does she wish to go on like this when in fact she is in the last stages of rectal cancer. I shudder to think you are mistaking her delirium and fear for being "not ready to go yet". Cancer doesn't honestly care whether we are ready or not.
As you say, you are in charge. Please discuss with MDs and with Hospice itself. But you do understand that yes, a tube feeding would be likely removed. BP meds may be kept. Those things that contribute to prolonging life will not be kept. Those things that contribute to comfort will be kept and you can speak with hospice about what will be kept. She is on fentanyl. That is the last line of what there is to keep her pain at bay.
That you signed the DNR is a good thing. Why in the world bring someone back from the peace of death to be tortured longer? There is no end-game that is good. She will NOT be cured. She will die, either quicker and with less pain or more prolonged, with more torment and torture. I am afraid that is the truth in this matter.
As I said, Cancer in its last stages could not care less whether we or our loved ones are ready for us to go. Please thing as much as you can of the kindest and most comfortable thing you can do for this person you care for, and who you wish to honor the wishes of.