My 94-year old grandmother has always been an unpleasant woman. However, she is now downright mean and vile to everyone who comes in contact with her. She refuses to eat, claiming that the food is not prepared correctly. She will not even say "hello" to me or my family when we visit; instead, she immediately complains about something "horrible". I can no longer get her to even smile or say a single kind word. Her current assisted living facility is threatening to evict her if her mean attitude doesn't change. Please help me find a way to address this! My prayer is that she is able to find happiness in whatever years she has left.
"My prayer is that she is able to find happiness in whatever years she has left."
Floofydog, you've said it yourself: you are wishing that your grandmother might become a different person from the one she actually is. That way madness lies. I am truly wishing you well when I implore you to pray for something else.
It is always worth checking for a u.t.i., I agree; also rule out depression (clinical variety) and dementia affecting her frontal lobe, which tends to break down inhibitions and would potentially exacerbate an existing mean streak. In short, ask for a proper medical overhaul. I personally baulk at the idea of correcting someone's personality just to make her more likeable; but if there is something clinical going on your grandmother herself is suffering and it is for her benefit to treat it if possible.
She will not be the first person at the ALF to have a - excuse me - bitchy mouth on her. When you say they are threatening to evict her, what reason are they giving? If it's just that they don't like the attitude... well, tough! Where does the contract say that the ALF agrees to care only for nice, grateful, smiley little old ladies? But if she is intimidating or harassing or distressing staff members or other residents, you must back them up but you must also be very clear that this is the ALF's problem to handle. Let them do the communicating with your grandmother: don't get involved, just don't undermine them either.
Above all, take this to heart: You Are Not Responsible for your grandmother's personality, behaviour, or happiness.
Is she on any medications?
Does she visit her own doctor ?
UTIs cause sudden agitation and meanness - in August my mom had a UTI and she turned on even me so that was a big indicator that something was wrong