My mother is pretty advanced with dementia and there’re 4 of us siblings. My sister, the oldest obtained a medical poa after a fall resulted in my mom having a broken femur/surgery in Feb 2022. There is no other paperwork unfortunately regarding a will, a trust, organ info - zero. My older brother has lived with our mom 12yrs now and he pays the property taxes but nothing else. Buy saying nothing else, I literally mean nothing else. With sr benefits and such I’ve always been able to get taxes down from 4K-ish to $1900. Pd 2x a yr my brother pays $800 every 6mo or whenever taxes are due. That fact alone infuriates my sister, the medical poa. Upon losing our mom whenever that takes place, the 1st plan of action is her removing him. Her & the youngest of the 4 who lives in London primarily have stated for several yrs they want nothing, their inheritance will go to my older brother (who lives with mom) and myself. My questions and concerns are, as just the medical poa, is that something that just comes into play since there is no other paperwork? My moms home is pd for and est around $180k so if a nursing home has to be decided upon, do they just “get” the house? My sister has stated over and over, she is the medical poa and if she decides our mom needs to go then she will in fact make that decision, she will put the house in something I don’t recollect the name of but the gist of it was if there is anything left over after mom passes and all is paid out great- if there’s nothing for us- oh well. Couple things to note, My sister lives 10hrs away and all her suggestions and or demands are passed off to me. I have paid all the bills and am the only one with access to my moms bank acct. I handle all groceries and house supplies via InstaCart but also take things to the house being just 45min away. I’m not sure if I’m feeling angry bc of her rulings or the fact that I’m essentially doing everything but then be told I’m probably not getting anything. I could live in the home with my brother and have zero issues bc him and I are close. Do I think he’s getting over on our mom? Yes. Do I want him tossed out? No. How much power or decision making does a medical poa hold? I thought they ended upon discharge from the hosp or whatever medical facility they were in? I’ve rambled and tossed out quite a bit of questions that may not be in the correct form so my apologies in advance for that. I’m just pretty worried about my mom first and foremost but also for my 61yr old brother who I’ve helped our whole lives… absolutely any advice is appreciated- no one is making any wrong finance issues bc I won’t give up my moms banking info. I’ve set up paperless billing for everything or my mom calls paying multiple times a month. Thank you ..
Does your brother do caregiving for mom?
Answers to those questions will give us a clearer picture of the situation.
I really don't understand what's happening here. It's all quite confusing.
Sister is POA yet you are doing the POA duties of bill paying and are on the accounts; that's not how POA works.
The POA does that duty of putting themselves on accounts as signee and pays the bills; she can designate someone else to do this (a Fiduciary usually) but that usually is not another family member. She would pay the taxes on the home. If you are caregiver in this home you should be having a caregiver contract that deliniates how you are paid for this duty, whether that is room, board and a stipend, or whatever. And certainly brother can live there and contribute taxes as his portion of "rental" for instance. But all of this needs to be in black and white, and written into a sort of contract which the general POA oversees, whether living there or not.
Then there is the thing about no will. And you are talking about how things will happen after death. The POA, of course, has no power whatsoever after death.
Then there is that YOU apparently are the medical POA. Always a mistake to divide MPOA and POA. Just causes foment as the only REAL power is in the POA, not the MPOA. What a MPOA does is simple. MPOA makes medical decisions only, and only when the principal is unable. So you would be the one to decide whether it's OK to insert a feeding tube or whether a surgery should be done, or whether to continue to resuscitate, and etc. And if the POA disagrees with your decisions it would be a mess.
So this basically just sounds like a stew to me. Dying intestate (without a will or trust) means that an administrator would be appointed for the estate. This is most usually the person who WAS the general POA. That person pays all bills, gathers all assets and divides the estate finally according to the laws of the state. In the case of a home that means the home is sold and the portions go to each of four siblings (in absence of a spouse) most often.
Do consider seeing an Elder Law Attorney with your POA sister. The two of you need to get straight who does what now LEGALLY, and why. But this is something no forum of strangers will be able to do anything about other than to wish you the best of luck going forward. Your sister, as POA has every right to know all financials, including accounts, and should in fact be on those accounts as POA. She may be able to assign you for bill paying, but the POA keeps all financial records, every penny into Mom's accounts and out of it.
Do see an attorney to straighten all this out.
In your situation, it might be best to politely decline to "do" any further for mom and let the siblings who think they have the ability/power to direct get on with it.
It will cover expenses for at least a couple of years in a quality MC. With no paperwork, even with the intension of others, will not go to the son. Local probate laws will dictate this. It is too late for shifting money or titles.
Best now to hire an elder attorney to educate all on your local laws. I think your sisters "doing something" is to try to put the house in trust, but it is too late for mom to do that. She cannot also expect siblings to care for mom when she gets worse. Your siblings need to continue working to fund their retirements, least they end up poorer than mom in their old age. Ignore her rants. She is abusing everyone. I do also worry for the 61 year old son because I see destitution.
Do anything wrong going forward, then there will be incurred costs.
As far as losing the house....yes it will happen. When you apply for Medicaid and during the application, all of her assets are listed. There will be a lein placed on her property for clawback for her care when she dies. You will soon hear answers to this post from us caregivers that we as taxpayers have no interest in funding her care when she has means to pay.