I am 71 years old, a widow and also an only "child", caring for my 100 year old father in my home. He is in full possession of his mental faculties and still does some things for himself such as bathing and dressing, though it takes him forever to do so but he won't accept help. Basically, though, my life belongs to him. I cannot be gone overnight or even out on an evening because he goes to bed so early and there are a number of things I have to do for him to get him ready for that. He could go to the best nursing home in the area which is for veterans only and has a sterling reputation. If I mention it, he starts crying and saying he would rather be dead. Meantime, my stress, frustration, and resentment are growing every day. I guess I'm looking for ideas to make him accept that I cannot keep this up. Oh, closest other relative is 200+ miles away.
Just this last week, she decided she wanted to go to rehab/nursing and was in the hospital a few days, but they was not "3-day inpatient hospital qualifying stay," so she can't get into a nursing home/rehab anyway! So frustrating all this hospital & insurance red tape. (She has Medicare and Aetna supplemental).
My mom was so negative about trying new things, but she eventually enjoyed "school" as she called it. To help her during the "transition" into a care home full time..we started 5x/week, then. 3x/week, then 2x/week, over 4 months. She's doing better now as the caregiver and I are able to take her on outings every week.
Please be kind to yourself, you're not being selfish, we all have limits and your overall health is very important! Best wishes!
but, as with more of us as care givers, eventually, the our health and mental wellbeing becomes compromised. That is a fact of the situation. That is where assisted living is helpful. AL is very expensive too, but has a lot more benefits to it than homecare. the activities, meals, socialization, outings, 24/7 etc. and, you can spend as much time as you would like visiting. and, its not like a hospital. you can take them out anytime you please. Its hard. As I said, I'm in the same boat. I have both my parents with me. so it is a touch situation. I am trying to get to assisted living for them. One step at a time. trying 30 days respite at the same place so they can see it and get used to it.