I have been my Mom's fulltime caregiver for 8 yrs. She is now 95. I can no longer do it. I've reached my limit financially and emotionally. I just cant do it anymore. I have nothing in my tank. I feel mostly walking dead. I have 0 help from my siblings. My partner left in 2018. I can't work cuz my Mom needs 24/7 care. I do not have 10K a month to place her in a private nursing home nor do I have a Power of Attorney.
Her social worker isn't much help at all. When I spoke to her about putting her into a state home and how do I go about it, she sent me a list of private homes to call and place her in one of those. I told her, I cannot afford that. I feel left out in the cold.
Can anyone help guide me as to how I can place her into a state nursing home ?
Thank you
Sadly, the way out of this for you may come down to methods that aren't given to you by professionals and are generally frowned upon here or won't be advised. Before you get to that point though, you need to start the state application for LTC Medicaid. You can do it online through your state's social service website usually. I did that and I was contacted the next day by a caseworker. You don't need POA, but you will need to access her bank account records. I was able to do that because I was on my father's accounts. After you get the application going, you can contact NHs in the area to see if they have open beds for Medicaid pending. Unfortunately, you may not have much success, but this is the route that professionals will tell you to follow. If you can't get access to her bank accounts and mom isn't in a position to grant you POA, then what? Then you need guardianship which can be a time consuming and costly court process. It stinks and I'm so sorry you are in this situation, but I also wish others who are beginning their journeys as full-time caregivers or are thinking about quitting their jobs to care for elderly parent would read what you are going through to maybe get a fuller understanding of what they may be in for.
The frowned upon way, but maybe the most effective is using some method of the "ER Dump". This does have to be done tactfully, you can't just bring her to the ER and disappear. In my case, the SW at the hospital knew my father wouldn't be safe at home because I needed to work and couldn't be there for long stretched of the day, and we couldn't afford in home caregivers. You need to ensure her safety, but at the same time convince the professionals that you are unable to handle it anymore, and it would be unsafe for mom to continue as is. You need to convey this adamantly to the professionals, whether it be APS or the hospital staff, and demand that they help with placement, but go about it in a tactful way. It stinks, and I'm sorry for you and wish you peace.
Shame I can't recall the show.
Some members here may suggest dropping her off at the hospital and refusing to pick her up; you did not mention if she is sick.
Social worker may be doing the best she can do.
It may be possible to call 911 and have her taken the the ER on some pretense, like she may have a UTI. When there talk to a social worker about a "social admission" (like BarbBrooklyn suggested). Make sure the staff knows she is an unsafe discharge and that you a NOT her caregiver. Do not believe any promises that the hospital will "help" you once she's back at home -- this isn't true (been there, done that).
Hopefully what will happen is that social services/the county will acquire guardianship of her and will place her in a facility directly from the hospital, but this may take time due to it being a legal process and also dependent upon the availability of Medicaid beds in county facilities.
Mom's assets and resources should pay for mom's care, not yours.
There are private NHs that accept Medicaid. Have you called any of the places on the list that the SW gave you and asked?
Consider taking mom to the ER and asking for a "social admit".
You will need to apply for Medicaid if your mother is now out of money, or put her in the Nursing Home and allow them to spend down her last money with a goal to medicaid application. Her SS will then go to her Nursing Home.
If you have moved in with your mother to her own home this becomes more complicated and you should see an elder law attorney.
Did you tell the Social Worker that you have no POA? Because in most states a Social Worker can guide you in getting temporary guardianship if you Mother is no longer competent. Then you can place her where you think is best. If the Social Worker is not able to help tell her you need referral to a social worker who CAN help or call APS which often can help with this or go to an Elder Law Attorney (last resort as most costly).
I take it you had no agreement about shared living expenses when you began this which was poor decision making, as was not getting POA before this, but you are where you are and there are ways to move forward.
I am so sorry. I wish you the best of luck. I hope you will fill us in as you move forward.
I'll try her SW again if that fails I will talk to her Dr whom has been very kind and absolutely understand of the heart filled sadness I fell about placing her in any home.
CC